The Renewed Trilogy: Book Three: Mad World
by Cinderpaw11
Summary: Hollypetal's life is finally normal. No more Hollyleaf talking to her in her head, no more having to chase after a killer. But no one can look at her the same since her secret came out. Rockfur and Roseleaf keep drifting further and further away from her. Petalpaw is dead. Her loyalty to ThunderClan is wavering every moment, and all she wants to do is leave them behind.
1. Prologue: Mad

**So now we pick up from Wind's Nocturne. The battle is over by now, but Hollypetal will fill you in, no worries.**

 **Song of the chapter is Mad World by Tears For Fears or Gary Jules.**

* * *

On the night Toadstep died of greencough, the sky was cloudy.

Rosepetal lay at his side, face buried in his fur. Daisy and Spiderleg were sitting on the opposite side of her.

"I'm sorry," Spiderleg repeated, over and over, "I should have been there more for all of you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

Berrynose and Mousewhisker both stared mournfully from beside the warriors den.

Jayfeather and Briarlight sat outside the medicine cats den. Briarlight appeared to be comforting Jayfeather—the loss of another greencough victim had been a hard blow to him.

Hollypetal padded quietly out of camp and headed towards the lake. She knew Rockfur would be there—ever since the great war and the loss of their powers, they'd needed each other more than ever. He complained of constant headaches from not hearing the rest of his clan anymore, talked about his worry for his sister. Roseleaf's sudden loss of power hadn't bothered her as far as anyone could tell—it was the loss of her mate, Raccoonpaw, that had struck her harder than anything.

All of the clans were suffering much, much more than they could handle. In just ThunderClan, how many cats had they lost? Firestar, Ferncloud, Mousefur, Sorreltail, Foxleap, Icecloud, Hazeltail, and now—

"Toadstep died tonight," she greeted Rockfur tiredly.

He didn't look surprised, but did look sympathetic. "Greencough?"

She sighed. "Yeah."

They stared at the stretch of water in front of them silently. She wanted to throw rocks into the water with her power, but couldn't; he wanted to know exactly what she was thinking, but couldn't.

After a few heartbeats, he asked, "How many others are sick?"

She had to think about it for a few moments to organize the dead from the living. "Briarlight is just starting to recover. Sparrowflight is recovering, too, so that leaves Frostpaw."

"He's still bad?"

"Pretty bad." She kept talking to fill the silence. "How—how's Blackstar?"

Rockfur was shaking his head before she'd even finished. "He's no better. The battle took a lot out of him, mentally _and_ physically."

"I should come visit him," she said hollowly. She wanted to see Blackstar—but she wasn't sure if she wanted to see how he was doing. Bramblestar hadn't complained about her meetings with Rockfur, but she didn't want to stress him out any more than he already was by asking to go to ShadowClan.

"I don't know if that's a good idea," Rockfur meowed. She wasn't sure if she was relieved or disappointed or neither. "He's... he's just not good."

"Do you think he'll retire soon?"

"No. I think he'll be leader until he dies."

Silence fell again. It had been strangely easier to talk before the battle. Maybe because Rockfur always knew what she was thinking and so she hadn't needed to actually _talk._ She could feel the distance between them growing and knew there was nothing she could do to stop it. Their fates were no longer tied with Crowfrost dead, with Hollyleaf gone, with no more powers to help them communicate.

They now had the ability to lie to each other and she knew they would.

"How's Roseleaf?" she asked, shuffling her paws beneath her.

"Dunno. She doesn't want to talk about it."

"Can she try talking to Littlecloud?" Her tail started to flick nervously.

"She doesn't want to talk about it." His voice had gotten harsher. She could feel the snarl growing in him through the air between them. _Drop it._

She let her tail drop back to the forest floor.

She'd been in ShadowClan after the battle had ended, had seen Roseleaf fall to the ground when Raccoonpaw's limp body had been dragged into camp. She'd tried to imagine seeing Scorchfur's body, tried to imagine seeing Hollyleaf's body, remembered seeing Petalpaw's body.

Rockfur had wound himself around his sister, and they'd both lay there. There was no talking; the only moving had been both of them taking in large ragged breaths and letting them out in bursts of sobs.

Hollypetal had left, passing a group bringing in another body.

Roseleaf hadn't come to meet her since.

When she'd arrived back at camp, she'd been just in time to see Frostpaw tripping over himself in grief to get to Ferncloud as she was set in the middle of camp, beside Firestar and Mousefur. She'd waited until she'd seen Dawnpaw and Rainpaw join the group starting to form around the corpses, then she'd turned back out and walked back to the lake. It had been far from the sanctuary it had once been—the sand was clumped together with blood and fur. She had had to sit in the shallow water as to not sit in blood.

She'd waited, hoping Hollyleaf would come, but she hadn't. Instead, Cinderheart and Lionblaze had. When they saw her, Cinderheart had broken into a run, faint sobs escaping her. She'd crashed into Hollypetal and bubbled out "Don't scare me like that!" while Lionblaze caught up to them. Then they'd all sat there, everyone crying except her. She'd still been waiting for Hollyleaf. Maybe even Petalpaw.

Hollyleaf had been in the battle, fighting back dark forest cats with Scorchfur by her side. Their movements matched and it had been somehow mesmerizing. There had been no time to join her amongst the chaos and she hadn't gotten to talk to her even once. She didn't even know if Hollyleaf had 'lived' through the battle.

She did know that Crowfrost hadn't. He'd had two star-pelted cats snarling at him, closing in with barred teeth. She'd barrelled towards the group before any of them had attacked, had leapt right over the StarClan cats and right into Crowfrost. Had ripped his throat open before he could even recognize her. The relief had been palpable—she had killed him. Her body, her soul, her control.

Petalpaw hadn't made an appearance during the battle that she had noticed. She hoped that Hollyleaf had made her stay in StarClan, safe.

Rockfur stood beside her. She startled out of her thoughts.

"I'm going back."

He turned and didn't wait for her to say goodbye before he disappeared into the shadows.

She stared sleepily at her paws before getting to them. She watched her paws as they lead her back to camp automatically. She wanted nothing more than to just go to sleep, but she knew someone would start to worry if she wasn't there in the morning.

Spiderleg's apologies had ended while she was out. He was next to Daisy, his nose pressed into Toadstep's pelt. Berrynose and Mousewhisker had disappeared, probably back into the warriors den to sleep. Jayfeather was also gone, but Briarlight was still out, talking to Blossomfall. Rainpaw and Dawnpaw were curled up not far from them, waiting for any bad news about Frostpaw.

She walked over to them, blinking the sleep out of her eyes. She curled next to Rainpaw without a proper greeting. He raised his head to look at her drearily.

"How's Rockfur?" he rasped.

"Okay," she answered. She wasn't sure if she was lying or not. "How's Frostpaw?"

"Okay." He rested his head on his paws. "He tried to come out just a bit ago but Jayfeather yelled at him."

She couldn't hold back her amused purr.

Rainpaw lifted his head and shook it at her. "He came out to tell me and Dawnpaw to leave. Then he apologized for being sick because it was postponing our warriors ceremony. The _nerve_."

"The worst part," Dawnpaw added with a yawn, "is that he genuinely feels sorry. For being sick."

"He really does want to be a warrior," Hollypetal mewed. "It's probably bothering him that he's sick instead of one. Plus he probably thinks he's holding you two back."

Dawnpaw scowled.

Rainpaw's head was still shaking. "We wouldn't become warriors without him. It doesn't make a difference unless he _isn't_ with us."

"Does he even realize he could _die_?" Dawnpaw sounded pained.

She shook her head. "This is Frostpaw we're talking about."

Briarlight dragged herself towards them with Blossomfall at her side. "Maybe he's afraid he'll die without becoming one," she suggested.

Blossomfall nudged her.

"I mean," Briarlight coughed, "I'm sure he'll be fine."

Rainpaw and Dawnpaw shared an unimpressed look.

"He is getting better," Briarlight continued, coming to a stop in front of them. "The fact that he even managed to get out of the den is impressive."

Dawnpaw flicked her tail. " _You're_ out and you're sick."

"I'm much better," Briarlight waved off. "I've survived worse, clearly."

Blossomfall shook her head behind Briarlight. Her and Rainpaw shared an exasperated look like they just couldn't believe the siblings they had could be so dumb.

"How's Ivypool doing?" Rainpaw asked Blossomfall.

Ivypool had nearly been killed by her dark forest mentor, Hawkfrost. If Bramblestar hadn't gotten there when he did, Ivypool wouldn't have survived. Ivypool was the only cat still recovering from the fight. Her neck had several gashes through it and they weren't healing properly.

Blossomfall visited her frequently, much to Jayfeather's obvious annoyance. He'd told her to leave more than once but she kept refusing and Ivypool didn't want her to leave anyway.

"She's getting better, I think." Blossomfall sounded pleased. "She managed to eat without me having to chew her food up today."

Whitewing had just left the medicine cat den as Blossomfall finished talking. "Did she?" she asked excitedly. "She didn't mention that!" She was purring loudly as she joined them.

Blossomfall tensed a little, but Whitewing didn't glare at her or hiss, just continued purring. She was one of the few cats in ThunderClan that held no grudges with the cats that had trained in the Dark Forest.

Blossomfall nodded curtly at Whitewing. "She probably doesn't think it's a big deal."

Whitewing nodded back agreeably. "She really doesn't know when to take pride in herself." She straightened her back and went from mother-mode to deputy-mode. "Shouldn't you guys be sleeping? I expect you all for patrols tomorrow."

Whitewing had been turned into ThunderClan's deputy after Squirrelflight had refused Bramblestar's request with the startling statement of "Bramblestar, I can't. I'm pregnant."

Bramblestar had been happy, but also annoyed that she had battled in her state. "You could've died!" he'd scolded, herding her towards Leafpool and Jayfeather.

Hollypetal suspected that Bramblestar didn't know that Squirrelflight almost _had_ died during the battle. Hollypetal had helped her chase off a grey tom with stars in his pelt that was attacking Squirrelflight viciously. He had fled when he was outnumbered and Squirrelflight and her had separated without saying anything about it. They hadn't talked about since, and Hollypetal was afraid to ask if that had been the Ashfur that Hollyleaf had killed, because she knew it was. She had seen him once after their fight, getting attacked by a dark forest warrior. He was losing badly and she had not helped him.

"Dawnpaw and I are going to sleep here," Rainpaw told Whitewing. "We'll be fine for tomorrow."

"There isn't enough room for me in the medicine cat den, so I'm sleeping out here," Briarlight chirped pleasantly.

Blossomfall shuffled as Whitewing looked to her. "I was just checking up on Ivypool, but Jayfeather made me leave."

Whitewing nodded, her gaze softening again. "Thanks, Blossomfall." She touched her nose to Blossomfall's cheek. "Make sure to get to bed soon," she said before heading to the warriors den.

Blossomfall had stiffened and was trembling at Whitewing's affection. It was no secret that Millie had been neglecting her and Bumblestripe for Briarlight. Bumblestripe had found comfort in Dovewing while Blossomfall had gone to the Dark Forest. Millie, like most of the clan, now ignored Blossomfall and viewed her with scorn. Graystripe and her had had a loud argument about the whole ordeal that had ended with them breaking up. Graystripe still talked to the dark forest cats—mostly Blossomfall. He'd apologized to her many, many times for Millie's neglect, but that didn't change that Millie was worse than ever.

Whitewing's motherly gesture stumped Blossomfall until Jayfeather walked out, tail swishing.

"You're still here?" he snapped at her. Blossomfall turned and glared at him. "Ivypool is asleep now, so keep quiet out here!"

"If you talk to me like that, I'm going to go see her," Blossomfall threatened.

Jayfeather hissed and Blossomfall smirked triumphantly.

"She's not your responsibility, so stop trying to take care of her!"

"I know _that,_ " Blossomfall scoffed. "I'm taking care of her because she saved me and she's my best friend and I love her."

Jayfeather just hissed again.

Blossomfall shook her head at him, scowling but with amused eyes. "Yeah, I'm going. Don't worry, I won't wake her up if she's sleeping." She stood, stretched, and turned towards the warriors den. Her tail flicked Jayfeather's nose as she started away.

He growled after her before turning to the remaining group. "You four be quiet!" He disappeared back into the medicine cats den, fur bristling.

Briarlight, Rainpaw and Dawnpaw all purred with amusement.

Hollypetal watched Daisy and Spiderleg and Rosepetal mourning, and wondered if being happy while they suffered was wrong.

* * *

 **The Renewed Trilogy: Book Three: Mad World  
Prologue: Mad  
Word count (excluding A/N): 2,201  
Character count (excluding A/N): 12,880  
Song: Mad World – Gary Jules  
Started: Not recorded.  
Finished: Sunday, May 10th, 2015. 7:28 AM. Edited: Monday, May 11th, 2015. 8:31 PM.**


	2. Chapter One: Chasm

**Song will be at the end of the chapter from now on for my own convenience.**

 **Also, for anyone interested in what my chapter-by-chapter notes look like, I'm going to start posting them on my tumblr. I'm Cindercate, and if you go to my blog and search for The Renewed Trilogy and they'll pop up. They're awful...ly wonderful notes. Most will be up after their respective chapters, some won't cause they spoil things. Just thought it would be fun.**

 **Warrior427891: Your review meant a lot to me. Like super lots to me. Like I was going to reply in a PM but every time I thought about I got really embarrassed and couldn't and now it's been months so I'm responding in here because it seems less weird than sending you a PM months later. Seriously I can't thank you enough. You can tell I'm embarrassed because I'm doing my stupid-ramble and also my eyes water when I'm embarrassed and now I can't see right but I'm smiling but also I don't know what to say. You made me smile a whole lot of different times. Thank you.**

* * *

When she woke, it was to Jayfeather jabbing her with his paws. The smell of herbs was strong, and when she blinked the sleep out of her eyes, she saw a small pile in front of her.

"Make yourself useful and take these to Squirrelflight," he told her. Without waiting for a response, he swished back into the medicine cats den.

She sat up and stretched, glancing around the camp. The sun was hardly out, but the camp was already bustling. Whitewing was dividing a large group into two hunting patrols. She got to her paws upon seeing Rainpaw amongst them, but he met her eyes from across camp and shook his head, motioning towards the herbs at her feet.

She looked dejectedly down at the small package, then at Dawnpaw, who was still sound asleep.

"Dawnpaw," she murmured. It took a few more attempts for Dawnpaw to awaken and irritation was her first expression.

"It's hardly morning," she grumbled.

"We told Whitewing we'd be up."

Dawnpaw glared at an oblivious Whitewing. "Well then _she_ should've woken me up." She scowled abruptly. "What are these herbs for? Get them away from me. They smell gross." Done with her small tirade, she stumbled to the fresh kill pile, where she proceeded to curl back up.

Hollypetal turned back to look at Rainpaw, but he was already walking out of camp.

Irritated herself, she bent and delicately picked up the herbs, trying desperately to not breathe in their heavy fumes. _Of course Jayfeather would make me do it. He probably can't face Squirrelflight properly while she's in this condition._ She hoped Jayfeather would treat them like he treated her, despite everything. _He should treat them better than he treats me,_ she mused as she entered the nursery. _They'll be his siblings, after all._

She wondered if he'd feel the same. She hoped he would feel the same.

"Good morning, Hollypetal," Daisy greeted. Her eyes were surprisingly bright after the night she'd spent with her dead son. "Are those for Squirrelflight?"

She nodded, walking further into the den.

"I see," Daisy mewed. She looked between Squirrelflight and Hollypetal for a few moments before standing up and stretching. "I'm going to go get some fresh kill. Would you like me to bring you back some, Squirrelflight?"

Squirrelflight blinked tiredly from her nest. "Yes," she murmured. "Thank you, Daisy."

Daisy flicked her tail against Hollypetal's flank as she walked past. Her eyes were kind and Hollypetal felt sick as she approached Squirrelflight.

She set the herbs down gently by her nest. "Jayfeather wanted me to deliver these," she whispered.

"Thank you, Hollypetal." Squirrelflight swallowed her herbs without any complaint. She looked too exhausted to even try arguing.

Hollypetal flicked her tail worriedly. She could only hope Jayfeather's herbs would keep Squirrelflight healthy for her pregnancy.

"He sends them every day," Squirrelflight meowed knowingly. "He won't drop them off himself though."

She shifted her paws.

"Hollyleaf told you about Ashfur, didn't she?"

Hollypetal winced at both names, flattening her ears as she nodded.

Squirrelflight stared at where her herbs had been. "I didn't think he'd attack me," she whispered. "When I saw the stars in his pelt, I thought—" She cut off abruptly, cleared her throat, and continued. "He was dangerous." The tiredness was apparent in her voice. "I don't know how I can trust StarClan, knowing they'd let someone like him in."

Hollypetal kept her opinion silent. It was not much different than Squirrelflight's—how could she trust StarClan, letting in a tom that had betrayed his Clan, his leader? How could she trust the cats that had taken Hollyleaf from her, without even a proper goodbye? The answer was simply that she did not.

Squirrelflight met her eyes through the silence. "Don't feel guilty," she mewed. "ThunderClan said goodbye to Hollyleaf seasons ago, when the tunnels collapsed on her." She gave a rusty purr. "I was so happy when she showed up as ShadowClan's deputy. When she was killed again, it hurt all over again. But it was easier the third time." Her eyes softened. "Knowing that she had three chances, three lives... that she didn't die in vain... that's what's important to me."

Hollypetal stared at her paws, trying to find any words, but there was no one to give her any.

"Thank Jayfeather for me," Squirrelflight finished and rested her head on her paws.

* * *

"You don't think the water has lowered at all, do you?" Brackenfur asked on the way to the gathering.

"Doesn't seem like it," Thornclaw grunted. "It looks higher to me."

"Better than lower, I suppose," Brackenfur said uncertainly.

Hollypetal blinked as a paw jabbed her in the ribs.

"Go over the bridge," Rainpaw growled.

She hopped on the log and started across, Rainpaw a few steps behind her. "Is the water lower or higher?" she asked.

"Higher," he answered simply.

The water lapped gently over the log, soaking her paws, leaving the tree beneath her slippery. "Are you sure?"

"You're clueless."

When she got off at the other side of the bridge, she stared into the water in bewilderment. "It's much higher!" she exclaimed to Rainpaw.

"Like I said."

"There's hardly any beach left here," Brackenfur agreed. "I didn't see it on our side of the beach, but the island is submerging."

"Where will we meet if we can't get to the island?" Cinderheart asked, looking over her shoulder at the lake as she headed towards the clearing.

Lionblaze twisted his tail with hers. "We'll figure something out if we need to."

"Come on, furball," Rainpaw said with a roll of his eyes. "If you keep ogling the lake, you won't have time to see your friends."

"Sorry," she mewed, joining him as he pushed through the brush and to the centre of the island. She breathed in deeply, searching for any sign of scent from Rockfur or Roseleaf, but she couldn't distinguish any ShadowClan scent from another. She searched the dark for a green eyes before stumbling as Rainpaw shoved her. She hissed lightly at him.

"Something's wrong," he whispered into her ear.

She blinked and properly took in the scene. The clans were separated, completely.

WindClan cats huddled to one side, glaring and hissing at anyone that came too close to them. ShadowClan was split into many small, muttering groups, ears flat. RiverClan looked as if they'd come straight from a fight, pelts ruffled, limping, nervous.

Rainpaw nudged her again. "Come on," he mewed quietly and wrapped his tail around her. She pressed herself into his fur and followed his lead, almost blinded by all his fur, and was surprised when he stopped in front of Rockfur and Roseleaf.

Rockfur blinked at Rainpaw before his eyes dropped to her and he tilted his head. His expression was tired. Roseleaf seemed to stare through her.

"How have you two been?" Rainpaw asked, ignoring the quiet tension.

Irritation flashed across Rockfur's face, as if he couldn't stand Rainpaw's polite conversation. "We've been better," he said gruffly.

Rainpaw nodded and looked at Roseleaf.

"Good evening," she mewed and that was that.

Rainpaw looked away distractedly as Bramblestar climbed the Great Oak, Onestar only steps behind him. Hollypetal's fur prickled as she noticed Blackstar at the bottom of the oak, worry washing through her. _Is Blackstar so weak he can't even climb the Great Oak anymore?_

She flinched in bewilderment when he announced loudly, "Let us remember the fallen."

Blackstar started listing off names from ShadowClan, seemingly unaware of the uneasy silence that had fallen over the clans.

Roseleaf shuddered when Raccoonpaw's name was listed and Rockfur leaned into her, the fur along his spine bristling.

Rainpaw's tail wrapped around her again and she pressed herself as far into his fur as she could, until she couldn't see anything through the grey anymore.

It was Mistystar who stopped Blackstar, before he could start calling the names of fallen RiverClan warriors. "Blackstar, none of us have forgotten the Clanmates we lost to the Dark Forest. Let us remember the fallen in our own way. Since when have you spoken for all of us?"

The clearing seemed to breathe a sigh of relief, but Blackstar's gasp was audible even from where Hollypetal was.

"These cats are still with us, watching the Clanmates they died to save!" he protested. "We need to honour their memory!"

"But Blackstar," Mistystar mewed more gently, "life moves on, just like the seasons. We don't list every piece of prey we've eaten in the last moon, or remember every fallen leaf."

"Our Clanmates are not prey and fallen leaves!" he snarled.

The gathered cats all started shouting, and Hollypetal pressed her ears back until the sounds of their voices blurred together and she couldn't hear how loud they were being, could only hear the sound of her ringing ears and pounding heartbeats.

She only withdrew from Rainpaw when she felt him lick the top of her head.

Blackstar had scrambled up the oak and was sitting with the rest of the leaders, though he looked more than ready to leave at a moments notice.

Mistystar's head was aimed to the starry sky as she called, "Ancestors of all the Clans, look down on us here and guide us through the hard days to come. Welcome the new starry warriors among you, and keep the memory of them fresh in our minds. We honour them, and all of you, now and always."

A wave of mournful silence fell as each cat bowed to Mistystar's prayer.

"Now," Mistystar began more briskly, and the gathering finally began. She talked of how RiverClan's camp had to move with the rising waters. She emphasized that they were still getting enough prey and that a new batch of kits had been born to Petalfur.

The air tensed once more as she invited Blackstar to speak next.

He stood and looked no more than skin and bones, and Hollypetal felt worry wash through her once more. "ShadowClan is strong and thriving," he announced and all Hollypetal could think of was how he did not look strong, he looked weaker than she'd ever seen him. "Applefur has had three kits, all she-cats."

Her eyes fell to the crowd, searching for Applefur or Redwillow, but neither were in sight. Instead, she found herself staring into Roseleaf's eyes. They were glazed over, but were most definitely looking back. Hollypetal opened her mouth to say something, but Roseleaf's eyes refocused and she looked away without saying anything.

She wanted to say something, but was startled away from Roseleaf when Bramblestar's voice rang out. She had completely missed what Onestar had said, though he looked satisfied with himself.

"We have been strengthening our boundaries," Bramblestar started.

She could hear some mutters from nearby WindClan cats, some quiet snarls from ShadowClan cats.

"Five new apprentices have begun their training: Lilypaw, Seedpaw, Amberpaw, Snowpaw, and Dewpaw. Lilypaw and Seedpaw have been apprentices for three moons, but this is their first Gathering. All are learning fast, and will make excellent warriors."

Cheers started for the new apprentices, and Hollypetal spotted the group of them close to the front of the crowd. Snowpaw was damp and trembling with cold. He'd fallen in the lake before they'd even gotten to the bridge.

"ThunderClan is also expecting Squirrelflight's kits," Bramblestar added. His eyes were proud, and Hollypetal was glad that he wouldn't be able to hear the disbelieving murmurs of the crowd. She saw Crowfeather on the other side of the clearing, his lip curling back.

Wind rattled the branches of the Great Oak and a cloud covered the moon, darkening the clearing.

"This Gathering is over!" Onestar called out.

Hollypetal turned to say goodbye to her friends, but they were already gone.

* * *

"Cats of ThunderClan! Come out now!"

Hollypetal jumped to her paws and was almost knocked down as a rush of warriors pushed out of the den frantically. She could see a blur of grey out the den entrance and blinked rapidly in sleepy confusion before pushing herself out of the den, squeezing tightly between the rest of the warriors.

"The lake has flooded the forest!" Bramblestar was yowling from the top of the Highledge. "We need to leave the hollow right now!"

Gasps and shouts of disbelief rose over the sound of pounding rain, and Hollypetal's eyes fell to the entrance of camp, where water was starting to pour in. It started a trickle and then became waves. The shouts turned to cries, and Hollypetal looked around frantically for Rainpaw, and he appeared beside her, eyes wide.

"Follow me!" Leafpool yelled from the medicine cats den. Her and Squirrelflight were pushing aside bushes to reveal a hidden path up the cliff.

Hollypetal felt her throat tighten. The path looked tricky, and with the heavy rain, she wasn't sure if all the cats would make it out alive.

Bramblestar ordered Brackenfur and Spiderleg up the path. They were almost invisible through the rain, but the wind carried Brackenfur's voice down when he called, "It's okay! The path is very slippery... Don't try to rush it."

Bramblestar sent another group of two up. Lionblaze and Daisy.

The newer apprentices were sent up when they were halfway up the cliff, each apprentice with their mentor. Cloudtail accompanied Amberpaw, since Spiderleg was already at the top of the cliff. Rosepetal accompanied Dewpaw in place of Whitewing, who was trying to keep the crowd calm.

Birchfall and Dovewing went next, then Sparrowflight with Thornclaw, who was thoroughly soaked.

Molenose and Cherryfall were ordered next. Hollypetal could see Molenose leaning away from Cherryfall, his lips curled. Cherryfall went ahead of him, and it was only then that Molenose realized he had to make the climb alone. He froze, face twisting in horror.

"I can't do it!" he wailed. "I'm going to fall!"

Beside her, Rainpaw hissed aggressively and joined the crowd at the medicine cats den.

She inched after him, shying away from the crowd, and spotted Briarlight being taken down from the Highledge. Anxiety swept through her as she realized that there was no way to get Briarlight up the cliff.

Lionblaze was pushing Molenose up the cliff, and Brightheart and Cinderheart were getting ready to climb.

The water was brushing her belly fur and she jolted closer to the cliff, fear washing over her.

Brightheart stumbled as the wind picked up, her back legs slipping from the path. She screeched and Hollypetal saw all her Clanmates tense, stuck between fear and the desire to help.

Cinderheart hauled Brightheart back onto the path before anyone could move, and Hollypetal felt a small flash of pride for her brave mother.

Berrynose and Mousewhisker started up the path as soon as Bramblestar gave them a nod. Dawnpaw approached him next, Frostpaw leaning against her, looking ill and miserable. Bramblestar said something to them, and a moment later, they started up the path.

Rainpaw startled her by appearing once more and asking loudly, "Will you be okay? I'm going to take Squirrelflight."

She nodded dumbly, and he pushed her in the direction of Briarlight and Purdy before he joined Squirrelflight.

Bramblestar looked at Rainpaw with appreciation clear on his face as he sent them up.

Graystripe and Blossomfall followed moments later, then Leafpool and Sandstorm with Purdy between them.

Purdy was struggling, and Millie was kneading the ground impatiently.

"What about Briarlight?" she finally demanded.

"I can wait here," Briarlight offered quietly. Her head was barely above the water now.

Millie moved closer to her. "In that case, I'm staying too."

"No cat will be left behind," Bramblestar growled.

"Then what are we going to do?" Millie asked, her eyes wild with fear.

"To start with," he started, looking at Hollypetal briefly, "I want you and Hollypetal to climb the cliff. Then I'll know you're safe."

Millie stared in disbelief. "Have you got bees in your brain? I'm not leaving Briarlight!"

Impatience flashed through Bramblestar's eyes, and Hollypetal lurched forward. She cuffed Millie hard over the ear, and she ducked, snarling before she saw who it was. Fear flashed across Millie's eyes when they landed on Hollypetal.

"We're going now," she said coldly.

Millie looked between her daughter and Hollypetal and Bramblestar. Her eyes settled hatefully on Hollypetal. "If Briarlight dies, I'll never forgive you."

Hollypetal pushed her forward impatiently.

"I'll see you at the top of the cliff," Briarlight said weakly.

Hollypetal continued to press Millie forward until they were on the path. Millie broke off from her and started climbing, though Hollypetal could feel her eyes burning on her pelt. She simply concentrated on making sure neither of them fell.

They reached the top with relative ease, and Millie immediately peeked over the edge, face becoming anxious once more.

Bramblestar called for Brackenfur, and he disappeared back down the path.

"What's going on?" Squirrelflight asked, watching Brackenfur disappear back down the path.

"They're going to get Briarlight out of camp," Hollypetal meowed, feeling much calmer now that she was out of the hollow.

"Stay away from the edge," Rainpaw mewed, pulling Squirrelflight back. "Bramblestar would skin me if he knew you were that close to the edge!"

Hollypetal backed away with Squirrelflight.

"You aren't my caretaker just because you helped me up," Squirrelflight said, tail swishing.

"Hush now," Sandstorm meowed as she approached. "Come sit with us under this beech tree. We can't have you out in the rain when you're pregnant."

Squirrelflight dejectedly followed her mothers orders, casting one last glance over her shoulder wistfully.

Rainpaw looked between her and Millie. "We should join the others."

Millie hissed at him. "I'll join when I can't see Briarlight anymore."

Hollypetal almost yowled at her, but instead grabbed Millie by the scruff and pulled her back violently from the edge.

Millie did yowl, and pulled away, flailing her paws.

Hollypetal put her down. "We're going now."

Millie's fur was bristling through the thick rain, but she turned and joined the others.

Rainpaw shook his head at her.

"What?"

"You shouldn't try and _intimidate_ Clanmates," he mewed, expression unimpressed.

Hollypetal sighed and followed him to the tree. "It's not my fault she's naturally afraid of me."

"You're hardly trying to help."

Hollypetal settled a few mouse lengths away from Millie, watching her closely to make sure she didn't try and run off. Rainpaw pressed close to her to block the wind and she leaned into him gratefully.

"Is Frostpaw okay?" she murmured. Rainpaw leaned down to hear her better and she repeated herself.

"He's fine. Close to the tree trunk and surrounded by warm cats. Leafpool is with him."

"Ivypool?"

"She'll be fine too. Her neck is much better."

"Molenose?"

"Embarrassed, as he should be."

"Purdy?"

"Shaken."

"Sparrowflight?"

"Wet."

"Cinderheart and Lionblaze?"

"You are aware that you can ask them yourself, right?"

Hollypetal peered over her shoulder, taking in the sad sight of her clan.

Soaking wet and scared, some cats still recovering from green cough, they were hardly a proud sight. She was glad no one had died, even if it was just for the moment, but she couldn't stop her chest from hurting with worry for ShadowClan. She wanted nothing more than to take off and leave her clan and find Rockfur and Roseleaf and make sure they were okay, but she knew she couldn't leave her clan while it was like this. She needed to know her leader and Clanmates were safe before she could go check on others.

She tucked her paws beneath her chest miserably, glancing towards the distant ShadowClan border.

Rainpaw licked the top of her head. "Worry about yourself for once, why don't you?"

She sighed. "I can't help it. My Clanmates are down there, where they could drown, and we don't even _know_ where ShadowClan is, or who made it out, or if _any_ of them did, and RiverClan was _already_ looking so—"

"Great StarClan, stop it," he interrupted. "We don't even know we can safely make it to ShadowClan territory right now, so we can't go. We should at least wait out the storm before we try anything."

"What if the storm doesn't end?"

"Why in the name of StarClan would the storm not end?" He batted her ear impatiently.

She sat up, glancing back at the clan once more. "Are you okay?"

"What?"

"You. Are you okay? I didn't ask about you."

He paused briefly and she turned to him, blinking curiously.

"Rainpaw?"

He stared at her. His ears had flattened to his head. "I'm fine. Clearly."

She wasn't sure she believed him. His voice sounded like it was trembling, but she wasn't sure it was his voice and not just the deafening rain garbling his words.

"Make sure you check in with Leafpool or Jayfeather when things calm down," she said instead of prying.

"You should too," he replied, and his voice sounded fine again.

Behind her, Millie shot to her paws, and Hollypetal noticed a white flash in the bushes.

"Whitewing!" Millie darted forwards. "Is Briarlight okay?"

Whitewing was dripping wet, but she nodded and seemed unaffected by her current state. "We're all fine. I just wanted some help carrying Briarlight back up. Bramblestar is exhausted."

Lionblaze and Cinderheart came forward, Graystripe not far behind. "I can carry her," Lionblaze offered without hesitation.

A small flash of relief crossed Whitewing's face. "Great. I'll take you to them."

The clan shuffled anxiously as the group left.

"What are we going to do?" she heard Snowpaw whimper.

"Bramblestar will figure it out," Dewpaw mewed back confidently.

Squirrelflight pushed herself to the edge of the crowd. "I should go too."

"Absolutely not," Leafpool scolded, herding her back. "Bramblestar can make it here. You need to stay out of the rain."

Impatience settled on Squirrelflight's face. "I'm pregnant, not incompetent."

"I won't let you put your kits in danger," Leafpool meowed sternly. "You know Bramblestar wouldn't want you out in this."

She settled down with an irritated hiss.

A few moments, there was an outburst of excited mews as Bramblestar's group appeared. They were all in the same state as Whitewing had been, fur plastered to themselves with water.

Bramblestar walked only until he was beside Squirrelflight, where he stopped and sank to the ground. "We'll stay here until the storm passes. Try to get some rest."

His head dropped sleepily and Squirrelflight curled herself around him.

* * *

 **The Renewed Trilogy: Book Three: Mad World  
Chapter One: Chasm  
Word count (excluding A/N): 3,799  
Character count (excluding A/N): 22,058  
Song: Chasm - Flyleaf  
Started: July 31st, 9:27PM.  
Finished: Wednesday, December 9th, 2015. 4:13AM. Edited: Tuesday, December 15th, 2015. 1:54AM.**


	3. Chapter Two: Spanish Sahara

The tunnel was one of the most uninviting things Hollypetal had ever laid her eyes on. It was deep, dark, and smelled of nothing but dirt. Under no circumstances did she want to set foot in it.

She'd stood without complaint as Bramblestar had accepted Ivypool's idea of taking refuge in the cave, but now that she was in front of it, she couldn't bring herself to walk in, just stare through the rain as her clan-mates delightedly dove in and out of the storm.

She could only think of Hollyleaf, telling her in vivid detail, about how she'd almost been crushed, how her tail had been broken beneath a rock. Her powers had dislodged it, but Hollypetal had no power anymore, and she liked her tail. She thought of Berrynose's tail and tucked her own around her paws.

Jayfeather walked passed her, turning and looking in her direction with cloudy eyes, but he did not come to talk to her, just continued into the tunnel with a flick of his ear.

She turned towards the ShadowClan border once more, wondering if then would be a good time to go, but Rainpaw butted her shoulder.

"Fur ball," he started, "Get out of the rain, why don't you? I know it has my name, but that's no excuse to stay in it."

She blinked and looked away from the border, to him. "I don't want to go into the tunnels," she meowed frankly.

She saw his eyes glaze over, like he couldn't understand what she was saying, but they cleared moments later, and he sighed. "Because Hollyleaf almost died in them?"

She nodded and he sat. She watched his tail wrap around his paws and wondered what he would look like with only a stub of it left.

Rainpaw was looking back to the tunnels, his fur dripping wet.

"You can go on without me," she offered. She didn't really want him to leave. He was her only source of warmth, but she didn't want him to get sick when he was spending so much time already with Frostpaw.

He blinked water out of his eyes rapidly and stood back up. "Come on. You should at least check it out, you know?"

She sent the opening a miserable look, then made the same expression at Rainpaw.

He rolled his eyes, butting her again. "Come on, fur ball. Just check it out, at least."

She sighed loudly, displeased. He butted her again and she stood. "Okay, okay. Let's go."

Rainpaw stayed behind her as she inched her way to the entrance, waiting in case she tried to back out. She should have resented his attitude, but it was a smart tactic.

She felt the wet grass turn to mud and scowled as it squished between her toes. It was not unlike the ShadowClan marsh, but she knew she'd have trouble getting it all out from under her claws later. She had to blink until her eyes adjusted to the darkness, then continued forward, onto soil that hadn't quite become mud, and then finally onto dry dirt and rocks. The tunnel widened into a cave and the light all but disappeared entirely.

She shuffled her paws uncomfortably in the dark, opening her mouth to scent the air. It smelled dusty and of ThunderClan, which she supposed was unsurprising. Her ears were pricked to hear any sounds that could've been the cave getting ready to collapse, but she couldn't hear the noises of the cave over the excited squeals of the apprentices.

"Is it too bad?" Rainpaw asked quietly, coming around her and blinking sympathetically.

She wondered how to explain to him that it was too crowded. She didn't even like the warriors den, preferring the nights she'd spent by the lake by herself. She knew that in this cold, Rainpaw would only appreciate having his clan-mates around.

"Um... it's not terrible." The thought of spending the night with so many cats around her was exhausting on its own. She knew that she'd leave when Rainpaw fell asleep already. She started thinking of excuses to be out and not in the cave. Hunting, checking the borders—

"We'll need clean, fresh bedding." Hollypetal's ears pricked in Daisy's direction. "I can take charge of that, if you want, Bramblestar."

"That would be great, Daisy," Bramblestar meowed.

Hollypetal walked forward until she was next to Daisy. "I'll go with you," she offered.

Daisy gave her an appreciative glance and she felt a stab of guilt at using bedding as an excuse to leave. "We might be able to find some inside hollow trees," she mewed, getting to her paws and looking around. "Mousewhisker, Rosepetal, will you come with us?"

The two warriors joined them, and Daisy smiled warmly. "Alright, let's go."

Turning to leave the tunnel once more, Hollypetal caught Rainpaw giving her an unimpressed look once more. She felt her ears burn, but quickly looked away and continued after the patrol before she got left behind.

* * *

Finding hollow trees was an easy enough task; dry bedding, on the other paw, was nowhere in sight.

Daisy's cheerful demeanour had fallen two trees ago. No matter what type of tree, what way the hollow entrance was facing, the insides were just as wet as the rest of the forest.

They were on their fourth hollow tree when Daisy announced, "We'll have to take wet bedding."

Mousewhisker's tail twitched. "Will wet bedding be okay?"

Rosepetal was already scratching some up into a pile. "It will dry in the tunnel."

Daisy nodded her agreement. "Rosepetal, gather as much as you can from this tree and head back to the tunnel. We'll go back to the other trees and gather from them."

Rosepetal grunted her affirmation, and the trio turned back towards the trees they'd left behind.

"Millie is going to claw our tails," Mousewhisker complained. " _Briarlight can't have wet bedding!_ " he imitated poorly, then sighed.

Daisy glared at him. "She's a protective mother trying to take care of her injured kit. We could have lost Briarlight today, so be patient with her, please." She sent her son a stern look, then hopped into one of the hollow trees.

Mousewhisker nodded but didn't look happy, and him and Hollypetal continued on their way.

"Oh, I know," Mousewhisker meowed. She swivelled her ears towards him at the sound of mischief in his voice, but kept her pace towards the two last trees. " _You_ can give Millie the moss!"

"Me?" she echoed blankly, coming to a halt next to another hollow tree. She glanced at it, then back at Mousewhisker.

"Yeah," he meowed, grinning stupidly.

She hopped into the tree and started kicking up the moss and leaves from the inside, trying to pack them into a tight ball.

"Millie is scared of you, because you've killed!"

She choked on a chunk of leaf, inhaling it into her lungs and then wheezing painfully.

"Oh, sorry," Mousewhisker blurted. "I didn't mean like—it's just that—well some of the warriors were scared of you, since you're stronger than most of us."

She coughed up the bit of leaf and spit it out away from her ball. She watched the chunk stick to the side of the tree and took in a couple of more wheezing breaths before she felt her breathing return to normal. She peered out the tree and met Mousewhisker's embarrassed eyes with her own, before she started laughing.

He jumped to his paws and looked around frantically, apparently not sure what to do with the situation.

She shoved her large ball out of the tree, still giggling quietly. "Go get your bedding," she told Mousewhisker. "I'll go give this to Millie."

He jerked. "Oh, right!" He started to dart off, then stopped and blinked at her gratefully. "Um, thanks."

He disappeared into the drooping undergrowth, and Hollypetal picked up her ball of leaves and moss, struggling to not drop anything and knowing she inevitably would. She took off at a trot, feeling better about the ridiculous situation that her clan had been struck with.

 _Tomorrow,_ she thought, breathing in the musty smell of dead leaves, _I'm going to go to ShadowClan and make sure Rockfur and Roseleaf are okay._

She doubted Bramblestar would fight her about it. His own sister lived in ShadowClan, so she could only imagine that he wanted to know the states of the other clans. She found herself thinking about the gathering, about Rockfur and Roseleaf disappearing without talking to her, and felt her chest tighten at the thought of that being the last time she'd ever see either of them. _What did they say? What did they say before the Gathering started?_

She could only remember Roseleaf's eyes boring into hers, only remember Roseleaf's bland greeting of " _Good evening._ "

Her paws burned with the desire to see them once more. She'd go to ShadowClan even if Bramblestar said no. She couldn't wait longer than that, she knew.

She stopped at the opening to the tunnel once more, the feeling in her paws changing from determination to heavy rocks. The rain was nothing but a drizzle now, but she could feel the moss and leaves soaking it up as she hesitated.

 _It's fine,_ she told herself, but she could feel her chest tightening further and further with the thought of being in the cave again. _Just give Millie the bedding, then go and get more._

Her paws still wouldn't move.

"Oh, Hollypetal." She flinched, but it was only Molenose. He had a dead mouse in his jaws. "Did you just get back from getting bedding?"

She nodded dumbly.

His tail swept around her and he walked forward, dragging her into the tunnel with him. "That still looks damp. It's really wet out there, huh?" If he noticed her discomfort, he didn't acknowledge it. "I didn't even catch this mouse. It drowned, but there's nothing out there to catch."

 _There was nothing out there but water,_ she agreed, but couldn't get herself to talk around the bedding. Instead, she broke off from him, spotting Millie and Briarlight just a bit passed where the tunnel broke into a wide cave. She dropped the wad at Millie's feet and used her paws to break it in half. "The bedding will be damp," she warned hurriedly. "There isn't any dry anywhere. I know it's not much, but we need to share it equally among the clan. Briarlight can have half of my pile, but the rest needs to go to others."

Millie looked baffled, probably because she hadn't been expecting Hollypetal—rude, rough Hollypetal—to give her moss after their earlier spat.

She did not wait for a reply, instead going to grab the second pile.

Dawnpaw beat her to it, blinking kindly. "I'll dole this out," she meowed through the moss, then bounded off towards Frostpaw.

She wanted to check on Frostpaw, or to say goodbye to Molenose, but her throat was squeezing shut and so instead she ran back out the tunnels, dodging her clan-mates and ignoring their mews of surprise.

She broke into the forest and sucked in a sharp breath of wet air. The feeling cooled her burning throat and she trembled faintly in relief, stumbling away from the tunnels mouth and falling next to a tree, pressing herself hard against the roots. She rested her head against the grass and closed her eyes.

 _I'll go get more bedding soon,_ she told herself. Her claws felt irritated already from scratching at the wood, but the clan would need more. She felt thirsty, but too worn out to find a puddle that wasn't all mud. _Soon._

"Hollypetal?"

She almost groaned. _Too soon._ She climbed to her paws and shook her fur out. "I was just taking a break," she whined.

Rainpaw frowned. "I just wanted to know if you found any dry bedding."

"Bedding, yes. Dry, no."

He twitched an ear. "Okay. Let's go get some more."

She gave him the coldest look she could muster up, but he simply waited until she started forward. "There's some hollow trees this way," she told him. "Some of them will be scraped out, but there should still be quite a bit of stuff to take back."

"Okay," he meowed agreeably.

She wondered how he could be so full of energy after the terrible night, but just continued walking, unwilling to make friendly conversation with him after he'd made her get up. She realized she didn't have to talk to him as he took off ahead of her, taking a running leap and climbing up a tree. She spotted him disappear into a high up hole and paused, blinking.

"I'll go on ahead," she mewed to the air. The tree she'd been digging out of before was nearby, and she knew that she hadn't gotten everything out of it, so she continued toward it, allowing her paw steps to slow lazily.

She tried to calculate how much moss the clan would need between the lot of them, but knew no amount of damp bedding would be satisfying to sleep on. The clan would want warm, dry nests to sleep in after a day in the rain, and they wouldn't be getting that. She scraped moss and leaves together once more, dragging her claws through them impatiently and shoving them into a messy pile. She squished everything together and picked it up. It was smaller than her last ball, but was still enough for a few cats to split between them, so she backed out of the hollow and started back to Rainpaw.

He was still in the tree. She could see his tail dangling out of the hole, and the occasional leaf floated down towards her. She set her ball down. "Rainpaw!"

His head peeked out from the hollow, his eyes large and curious.

"Are you done?"

He shook his head.

She felt her face twist impatiently. He'd started before her, so he should've had enough moss, right?

"You can fit a lot of bedding into your big mouth, huh?"

His expression flattened and he disappeared, so she picked her wad back up and started back to the tunnel again.

 _Okay, this time, I can act more maturely than dropping the ball and running._ She could already imagine that not working out. _Daisy should be back, so just give it to her. If Bramblestar is there, find him to ask about ShadowClan._

Feeling reassured, she didn't allow her paw steps to stop at the entrance, instead continuing through the tunnel and into the cave. She could feel her paws shaking and her heartbeat felt painful, but she dropped the moss next to Daisy.

She blinked. "Oh, you got more?" Daisy mewed. "Thank you, Hollypetal."

Hollypetal nodded at her, glancing around. "Is Bramblestar here?"

Daisy flicked her tail, looking at the bedding distractedly. "Yes, he got back not too long ago. Seems like he had a run in with WindClan. They're trying to take the stream for themselves."

Hollypetal blinked. "The whole stream?"

Daisy nodded without looking up, and Hollypetal left her to sort through the bedding. Bramblestar was talking to Squirrelflight and Sandstorm, and she sighed inwardly. _I'll talk to him tomorrow,_ she promised, turning and heading back to the entrance. She was too tired to run again, but she still didn't want to sleep in the cave. _They'll have more bedding that way anyway._

She started thinking about finding a patch of long grass to curl into and almost crashed into Rainpaw as he entered the tunnel. She dodged around him and made a sound of annoyance. "Rainpaw, you can hold much more moss than that!"

He flicked his tail at her but otherwise didn't respond. He looked tired and she realized that his belly was covered in mud. She shook her head after him, exasperated, then found her way back to the tree she'd been trying to nap by earlier. She sharpened her claws against the bark, clearing out the grime, then curled up into a tight ball.

She'd hardly gotten comfortable when Rainpaw shook her shoulder with one of his muddy paws.

"Stop that!" she complained, sitting back up. "No naps are safe around you, huh?"

"You're napping out here?" He frowned. "Honestly, you're the worst."

She fell into stunned silence, though she felt like screaming at him in frustration.

"I'll nap where I want to," she managed to choke out.

"Come on," Rainpaw said, shoving her back to her paws.

"I don't want to collect anymore," she whined loudly. Rainpaw was already leaving, and she knew she'd follow him anywhere, so she groaned loudly and dragged her paws after him.

"Have you eaten?" he asked. He looked as distracted as Daisy.

"No," she answered, tired of acting annoyed with him. "Molenose said there wasn't anything out to catch, but there's some drowned prey around to eat anyway."

"Yeah," Rainpaw agreed. He stopped so abruptly that she almost crashed into him. "Okay, here."

She blinked slowly. They were still in the middle of the forest. She hadn't noticed until now, but they hadn't been heading the direction Hollypetal had led them earlier. "Huh," she meowed dumbly.

"Oh, for StarClan's sake, you mousebrain!" He gave her a sharp nudge and she almost fell.

She started to let out a mew of protest until she realized what Rainpaw had pointed her to. "What's that?" she mewed dumbly once more. There was a small nook under a collection of large tree roots.

Rainpaw sighed.

She moved closer warily and then stopped in surprise. "Rainpaw..."

"You weren't going to sleep in the cave, right?" When she turned to look at him, he turned away, suddenly bashful. "So I thought I'd find somewhere you could sleep without getting wet."

She looked into the cranny again. It was hidden well, the top covered by entwining roots from many trees. It wasn't very large, only big enough for maybe three cats, and the soil had been covered with moss and leaves. There was a vole sitting in the middle of the nest.

"Rainpaw," she said again, then wasn't sure how to continue.

"Shut up!" His embarrassment disappeared in a flash. "Will it work? It's not too deep, so I thought... will it work?"

She nodded slowly, cautiously pawing the moss before she entered fully. "Have you eaten?"

"Huh? Me?" He sounded genuinely confused and she felt her chest tighten again.

"Come eat with me," she mewed, feeling her ears warm again. "There's enough room for you in here, too, so come eat."

"Oh, right." He still sounded confused, but he entered the den nonetheless. He looked around it with so much worry, she wondered if that was how she looked in the larger cave. She pushed the vole to him.

He blinked at the rodent, took a large bite, then pushed it back to her. "That's enough for me," he said when he was done chewing.

She watched as he settled his head on his paws, then continued eating the vole. By the time she was finished, Rainpaw had fallen asleep.

She looked out the den, but the sky was as grey as it had been all day. There was no way to tell if the sun was out, or the moon. She stretched her legs and yawned, blinking sleepily and glancing once more around the den.

She frowned when she realized that the dirt walls of the den had claw marks through them, then shot to her feet.

Rainpaw didn't stir.

She used trembling paws to gently move moss off of the den floor and felt her heart plummet at the sight of more claw marks, realization pouring through her. She let the moss fall back into place and looked back at Rainpaw.

He was stretched out on his side, still fast asleep. His belly and legs were still muddy, and his claws were ripped.

He hadn't _found_ a den for her to sleep in—Rainpaw had dug the den out himself.

She sat stark still, not sure what to do. She felt her heart pounding in her throat and wanted to wake him up and thank him and scold him for doing something so unnecessary, but she didn't want to wake him up after he'd done so much.

Finally, she decided to simply clean the mud off of him.

* * *

When she woke up, Rainpaw was still fast asleep. She let him be, exiting the den and stretching her legs out behind her. The rain had dropped to a small drizzle and she breathed out a sigh of relief.

Blinking the sleep out of her eyes, she started forward. _Food._ She still felt fine after the vole, but she didn't want to leave Rainpaw without knowing if he'd eat. _No prey._ Her head felt foggy with sleep, but she started towards where she knew the water reached to, hoping to find something, drowned or alive.

She was delighted when she picked up the faint smell of birds, fresh over the rain. She crouched and scooted after the scent slowly, until she could see them. Three robins were plucking worms out of the ground, enjoying the muddy conditions.

She felt her mouth water and tensed. _If I can move fast enough, I might be able to get two._ The birds were close together, so if she could just manage to land on two, or—

One of the birds started to flap it's wings. Hollypetal was lunging before she realized that it had just been stretching.

One robin screeched and disappeared, just as Hollypetal crashed into the other two. She was practically sitting on one, but the other started to fly away. She jumped and grabbed onto its wing with her teeth, and landed back on the other robin as it tried to take off.

She felt like a fool as she clamped her teeth into the robins necks, but at least she had caught two. She picked one up and started taking it back to the den, keeping her head high to try and avoid getting it's feathers dirty. She dropped it at the entrance to the den and blinked at Rainpaw once more. He hadn't moved an inch. She tucked the bird into the entrance so Rainpaw wouldn't be able to miss it, then went back for the other.

She was glad to find it where she'd left it, and she strained her neck once more as she tried to keep it from dragging. The feathers would make good bedding, and she wanted to keep them as clean as she could.

She arrived at the cave just as Sandstorm was leaving, a patrol at her heels.

Sandstorm blinked and looked pleased. "That smells fresh! Could you please give it to Squirrelflight?"

Hollypetal let out a positive mew around the bird and went around the patrol and into the mouth of the cave. She avoided a second patrol, then dropped her bird at the sight of the third.

"Bramblestar!" she blurted.

He was flanked by Dovewing, Graystripe, and Thornclaw and he stopped at her exclamation. "Ah, Hollypetal." His ears perked at the sight of the bird. "Is that fresh?" She nodded and he continued, "Could you give that to Squirrelflight?"

She nodded again and he looked pleased. "Um, Bramblestar," she mewed hesitantly. "I want to check on ShadowClan."

He nodded, looking anything but surprised. "We were on our way to check the border out. We'll wait for you outside while you drop that off."

She picked up the robin again and darted passed the patrol. The tunnel darkened and widened into the cave and she looked around quickly for Squirrelflight. She was tucked to the side of the cave, next to Briarlight and Leafpool. Hollypetal made her way over the scattered collection of nests and dropped the robin in front of the trio.

"This is for you," she meowed hurriedly. Squirrelflight opened her mouth, probably to protest, but Leafpool intercepted. Hollypetal felt her claws sheathing and unsheathing anxiously.

"This is great," she purred. "Squirrelflight, you need to keep well fed for your kits, so don't complain. You can share it with Briarlight."

Squirrelflight looked at the bird mournfully. "Yes, I suppose. Thank you, Hollypetal."

She nodded once and took off once more to the entrance.

The patrol was just outside, where Bramblestar said they'd be, and she felt relief tingle her paws.

Bramblestar stood and stretched. "We'll avoid the WindClan border for today," he meowed. "I need to think before we tackle that problem."

The patrol scrambled through the drenched forest toward the ShadowClan border. The water had risen to cover the old Thunderpath that led past the Twoleg den, leaving only a short stretch of the ShadowClan border visible. Bramblestar ordered Thornclaw to renew the ThunderClan scent markers, but there was no fresh ShadowClan scent.

"They haven't sent a patrol this way," Bramblestar remarked. "We'd better cross the border and find out what's going on."

"I hope they're okay," Dovewing murmured, kneading the ground anxiously.

They crossed the border, and Dovewing voiced Hollypetal's thoughts.

"It all looks so different... I have no idea which way we should go."

She felt the beginning of panic well up in her chest. _Just let them be okay, StarClan, please._

All of the cats in the patrol were looking around with mild curiosity, trying to figure out where in ShadowClan territory they were. The flood covered one side of them, pine trees all along the other. Nothing seemed familiar, until the patrol collectively stopped with the sudden realization.

"We're above their camp," Hollypetal choked. She could feel her paws starting to tremble again.

"So where are the cats?" Dovewing whispered. "Something awful must have happened to them!"

As if they had heard her, a ShadowClan patrol sprang out from behind a cluster of fir trees. Ferretclaw was in the lead, with Pinenose and Rockfur just behind him. An apprentice brought up the rear.

Ferretclaw's expression was aggressive, but Rockfur ran passed him and crashed hard into Hollypetal.

"Thank StarClan!" She heard him gasp. He pulled away quickly, but his expression was stained with relief. "I was hoping you'd be here."

"What are you doing here?" Ferretclaw demanded, sending Rockfur a scathing look. "Get out now!"

Bramblestar dipped his head civilly. "We're just making sure you survived the flood," he meowed. "We got worried when there were no fresh scent marks along your border."

"ShadowClan doesn't need ThunderClan's worry!" Ferretclaw hissed. "Rockfur!"

Rockfur jolted away from her quickly and she almost fell. She hadn't realized she'd been leaning heavily against him until he was back beside his clan-mates.

"We're on our way to renew the scent markers now," Pinenose added, black fur bristling.

Hollypetal felt stunned as the she-cats eyes trailed over her suspiciously. She'd saved ShadowClan from Crowfrost, but there was no warmth in any of the ShadowClan cats except Rockfur, whose relief had been replaced with the misery of someone who had lost their home.

"I'm sorry about your camp," Bramblestar mewed, waving his tail toward the swirling water that filled the dip that had been the ShadowClan camp. "We've lost our home, too."

"We don't want your sympathy!" Ferretclaw spat. "We're fine. And if you think we're going to tell you where we live now, think again!"

Fine was the last thing they seemed to be, but Bramblestar remained calm. "I wouldn't dream of asking. Just tell me one thing: Is Tawnypelt okay?"

"And your other clan-mates?" Dovewing asked at the same time Hollypetal mewed "And Roseleaf?"

Ferretclaw hesitated. She peered over his shoulder and met Rockfur's eyes again and he nodded once.

She fell back on her haunches, relief washing through her.

"We're _all_ okay," Ferretclaw said dully.

"We want to cross your territory to check on RiverClan," Bramblestar continued. "Do we have your permission, as long as we stay inside three fox-lengths from the edge of the water?"

"I suppose so," Ferretclaw growled. "If it'll get you off our territory sooner."

Bramblestar dipped his head respectfully and they turned to go.

"RiverClan won't thank you for interfering!" Pinenose called after them. "You've got no right to act like ThunderClan is here to save us all!"

None of her patrol turned back, but Hollypetal heard Rockfur snap, "Are you really going to say that to a patrol _with the cat that saved us_?"

"You know something?" Graystripe mewed as they passed the half-bridge that was below many tail lengths of water. "When you asked about Tawnypelt, Ferretclaw said all the cats are okay, but none of them ever mentioned Blackstar."

Hollypetal felt all of the pain and anxiety fall once more over her.

"If you ask me, those are cats who are mourning their leader."

* * *

The days felt like they were melting together.

Recusing kittypets, finding herbs, hunting, spats with WindClan, gathering bedding, cats falling ill.

Hollypetal missed the nights in their actual camp. She'd put up with being surrounded by other sleeping cats if it meant that they had their home back. Every time she entered the makeshift camp, the sound of coughing would immediately fall over her ears. She could feel them flatten at the mere idea of it. She couldn't even remember who was sick, there were so many coughing cats.

Frostpaw hadn't recovered, Briarlight had reverted back to her coughing fits. Berrynose and Mousewhisker were struggling to keep up with duties, though Whitewing had told them to rest. Lilypaw, Seedpaw, and Dawnpaw had all gotten sick after an incident where Lilypaw had tried to rescue the Stick of the Fallen. Lilypaw had gotten trapped by ivy, Seedpaw had went to free her. Bramblestar got Lilypaw out, and Dawnpaw had almost drowned saving Seedpaw.

Jessy, one of the three kittypets they'd rescued, had a cough, but wouldn't listen to Leafpool's words of advice about resting. She was exhaustingly rambunctious.

Hollypetal stretched her back legs, kicking Rainpaw in the process. He made a sound of annoyance that she ignored. It was almost sunhigh – they couldn't laze around in hiding forever.

"Get up, flea-brain," she meowed through a yawn. "Whitewing will be annoyed if she knows we've been sleeping this long."

Rainpaw stretched his leg back to kick her as she stood up. She swatted at him and bounded out of the den as his paw reached for her once more.

She gave her chest fur a few licks as Rainpaw emerged behind her. He blinked and looked at the sky, but it was the same as it had been every day – grey.

"Let's go," she meowed when he looked towards her with sleepy eyes. "Keep an ear out for any prey."

He flicked an ear and started passed her. "I know."

"Whitewing won't complain if we bring back prey."

"We won't find any prey with you badgering me."

She huffed, but he was right, and he had his ears perked for any strange sounds.

They ran into no prey by the time they reached the tunnel and Rainpaw paused and looked back at her. "Will you be okay? We'll leave as soon as we get our orders."

She nodded but felt her stomach knot up. The tunnel had collapsed once, and while there hadn't been any casualties, the incident did nothing to help her anxiety.

He pressed against her and led the way in. "I'd like to check on Frostpaw, too, but you can wait outside while I do that."

She nodded. She hated how little she was visiting him, but she didn't want to get sick or stay longer than she had to.

It was only a few moments after they entered the clearing that Bramblestar called to her.

Rainpaw blinked in surprise, but separated from her with a shrug. "I'll see you soon."

She nodded and went to meet Bramblestar and Leafpool, curling her tail over her back. "Yes, Bramblestar?"

"We're going to visit ShadowClan," he informed her. "Would you like to come?"

She nodded quickly, excited about the chance to see Roseleaf or Rockfur again. "Yes, please."

He nodded once and looked around to find another cat to go with them. "Cinderheart!" he settled on.

Cinderheart, who had been talking to Lionblaze nearby, padded over, Lionblaze still at her side.

"We're taking a patrol to ShadowClan," Bramblestar explained shortly. "Can you come?"

Cinderheart nodded and Lionblaze perked up. "Can I come too?"

Bramblestar shook his head. "I'm not expecting any trouble," he meowed, "so I don't want to take too many warriors with me. Besides, Lionblaze, you have a habit of bringing trouble to ShadowClan all by yourself."

"Okay," Lionblaze agreed without protest. He touched noses with Cinderheart. "Take care," he mewed softly. "You don't know what you're going to find over there."

Cinderheart gave his ear a lick. "Don't worry. I'll be fine."

"I wouldn't be surprised if we start expecting more kits soon," Leafpool murmured to Bramblestar.

Hollypetal gave her tail a surprised flick. The idea of having potential new siblings had never occurred to her.

Lionblaze caught her movement and brushed his tail against her side, eyes gentle. "You be careful, too, okay?" he murmured.

She blinked and nodded. "There won't be any trouble," she mewed confidently.

Seeing that they were ready, Bramblestar led the patrol out of the camp and through the trees to the ShadowClan border. When they reached it and saw the extent of the flooding in their rivals' territory, Leafpool halted, gazing in shock at the waste of water.

"I had no idea the lake stretched so far!" she exclaimed.

"It's pretty bad," Cinderheart mewed calmly, familiar with the sight. "Life must be so hard for ShadowClan now."

They had no idea how to find ShadowClan's temporary camp, so Bramblestar led his patrol along the border, staying on the ThunderClan side, his ears pricked for the sound of cats and his jaw parted to pick up their scent. Eventually a whiff of ShadowClan reached them and Hollypetal heard the sound of long grass being parted as cats brushed through it.

"Hey, ShadowClan!" Bramblestar called, stopping. "Over here!"

They waited a few moments, until Redwillow appeared around a bramble thicket with Tigerheart and Pinenose a pace or two behind. All three cats looked desperately thin, their ribs showing beneath their pelts.

"What do you want?" Redwillow asked. He sounded neither hostile or inviting and looked simply tired. He met Hollypetal's eyes briefly and nodded a greeting.

"We'd like to meet Rowanstar," Bramblestar said mildly. "I'd like to welcome him as your new leader."

"I think they just want to find out where we've made our new camp," Pinenose growled, glaring over Redwillow's shoulder.

Redwillow didn't even blink. "Okay, then," he agreed. "Come on."

The ThunderClan patrol crossed out of their own territory and followed the ShadowClan cats, heading toward the top border. The ground began to rise steeply and a cold wind whipped their fur the wrong way and rattled the tops of the spindly trees. Redwillow came to a halt in front of a dense bramble thicket. There was a strong reek of ShadowClan, and Hollypetal could hear sounds of movement and muted mews coming from deep within the brambles. _It looks like they camped as high up as they could because they were afraid the water wouldn't stop rising._

"Wait here," Redwillow ordered. "I'll bring Rowanstar to you." He hesitated, staring at Hollypetal, and she shuffled her paws uncomfortably. "You can come in, Hollypetal," he added quickly.

Pinenose hissed quietly.

Redwillow flicked his tail, pressed himself to the ground, and wriggled his way inside. Seeing that Pinenose and Tigerheart weren't following, Hollypetal went after him. The bramble prickled at her skin, but wasn't unpleasant.

When she broke through to the other side, Redwillow nodded at her again, his expression becoming friendlier. "Sorry," he said. "I'm deputy now, so I'm expected to be more serious."

"We really are here just to check in," Hollypetal mewed, though she didn't actually know the reason for Bramblestar's sudden want to visit.

"Oh, I know that," Redwillow purred, tail raised. "Bringing you is basically a peace offering!"

"Congratulations on becoming deputy," she added. "And on your new kits."

He beamed, then frowned, and cleared his throat. "Well, thanks. We, uh—Applefur and I—we wanted to try again after, uh, the battle." He cleared his throat again. "Aquapaw died in it, so we..." He shook his head. "I'll take you to Roseleaf before I get Rowanstar."

She followed him as he quickly turned.

"Oh," he added, voice suddenly dropping low, "Roseleaf isn't well. She's... she's lost a lot. Blackstar was her mentor, and him added onto everything." His expression was darker than she'd ever seen it; darker than, she was sure, Hollyleaf had ever seen it.

She suddenly regretted visiting, wanted to turn tail and run before she could see Roseleaf. She kept thinking of her fake smiles, of how she always seemed to be putting a barrier between herself and Hollypetal.

Kept thinking of Rockfur, voice grim, talking about Raccoonpaw. " _He makes her happy. She needs that. She needs him._ "

At the Gathering, Roseleaf was so distant, so _not there_. Hollypetal wasn't sure she could handle seeing her like that again. It felt like claws ripping through her chest, leaving her bleeding out and unable to do anything.

When her eyes finally did land on Roseleaf, it only felt worse.

Roseleaf was thin, thinner than any of her clan-mates, eyes hollow. She didn't seem to notice Redwillow and her approaching, just stared at her paws.

"Roseleaf," Redwillow greeted quietly, delicately, like if he spoke too loud she'd crumble apart. "Hollypetal is here."

Roseleaf blinked and turned to look at Hollypetal slowly, mechanically. Her eyes were unfocused, as if she hadn't actually heard what Redwillow had said, just heard his voice. They cleared when they landed on Hollypetal. "Oh," she whispered. "Hollypetal."

Redwillow mewed quickly and quietly, "I'll go get Rockfur."

"Hi, Roseleaf," Hollypetal greeted, her throat threatening to close. "I wanted to see you, since we didn't get a chance to talk at the Gathering."

Roseleaf blinked once more. "Oh," she said slowly. "Not much had happened then... lots has changed now."

"I'm sorry about Blackstar," she mewed. "I... he was really close to you and your family."

Her eyes unfocused again. "Yes. He was a good leader." She looked back to her paws.

"Are you getting enough to eat?" she pursued.

"None of us are." She yawned. "Is that why you're here? To make sure we didn't die out? Rockfur said he saw you at the border awhile ago."

She swallowed. "Yes. Bramblestar was worried about Tawnypelt."

She nodded. "And you were worried about me."

"Of course I was."

"I can take care of myself." Her voice remained steady. There was no sharpness to her tone, but no friendliness in it, like she was just stating a fact.

Hollypetal tried to keep the disbelief off her face. Roseleaf clearly hadn't eaten in days, her fur was messed up, her eyes kept focusing and refocusing. She looked like a breathing corpse.

"Hollypetal," Rockfur greeted, coming up behind her. "Is everything okay in ThunderClan?"

His voice was too formal, too forced to sound normal. His eyes were clearly focused on her, slightly narrowed, unfriendly. His tail tip twitched, his muscles were tense, his ribs were showing, but he was still far bigger than Roseleaf. He was looking at her as if daring her to comment on the condition of either of them, as if he didn't know her better than that.

He was completely shut off.

"I just wanted to make sure you two were okay." Her voice was threatening to give out, she was blinking too much, trying to keep herself from collapsing. "I thought... because of the flood..."

"We'll be fine," Rockfur cut in. "A flood is hardly anything. ShadowClan can survive worse."

That wasn't what she had said. She hadn't said _ShadowClan_ – she'd said _you two_. She didn't care if ShadowClan as a whole survived. She just wanted to know her friends were okay, and neither of them were.

She flinched suddenly at the thought, waiting for Rockfur to snarl at her, but Rockfur didn't know what she was thinking anymore, and he just stared at her with an expression of nothing.

She tried to think of something more to say, something to try and open him up, but she couldn't think of anything except Raccoonpaw's body. She could physically feel them pulling further away from her, like she was falling and they were doing nothing but watching, not offering to help her up.

She could feel herself floundering midair, thinking _What happened? What happened? You were my best friends, my sister, my brother, why are you letting me fall, you promised to be here for me, why won't you help me, I trusted you, I trusted you, I trusted you_.

She felt like she was crash landing as Redwillow appeared again. "Rowanstar wants you to leave."

She tried to say bye, tried to say anything, but she just stood. Rockfur and Roseleaf offered no parting words, and she turned and walked away, feeling as if she was falling through her paws and into the ground and being buried alive.

* * *

 **This chapter turned out way longer than expected, and way darker. The next chapter is _supposed_ to be much shorter but who knows. Chapter after that will probably be long. Well, I'm excited to start the Roseleaf subplot! Should be fun to write. Should be absolutely heart-wrenching to read. I have chapter by chapter notes up until chapter eight, so hopefully my updating will be better? Who knows! I'm the worst!**

 **The Renewed Trilogy: Book Three: Mad World  
Chapter Two: Spanish Sahara  
Word count (excluding A/N): 6,936  
Character count (excluding A/N): 38,970  
Song: Foals – Spanish Sahara  
Started: January 4th, 2016. 12:15AM.  
Finished: January 6th, 2016. 3:53AM. Edited: January 7th, 2016. 12:29AM.**


	4. Chapter Three: Follow You Into the Dark

_Approximately Half a Moon Later_

* * *

Hollypetal couldn't tell what was heavier as she headed back to camp, her paws or Dustpelt's limp body.

No cat talked. There was nothing to say about what had happened. ThunderClan had simply meddled again – the loss of a ThunderClan warrior hadn't seemed to soften Rowanstar any. She wondered how he could be mad at them after everything. Was he too proud to accept ThunderClan help? Did he not want to seem like a weak leader?

Wasn't the real weakness being too proud to ask for help?

ShadowClan was still in bad shape – how could Rowanstar choose pride over the safety of his clan? She couldn't understand. It was like they hadn't even been at the same battle. Could he not see his clan-mates being defeated around him?

Hollypetal couldn't stop seeing Roseleaf, pinned to the ground by a badger, it's teeth in her shoulder. Bramblestar had gotten to the badger before she could, had fought it off with Bumblestripe, and Hollypetal had run over to her sister's side.

She'd hardly been breathing. Hollypetal had dragged her away from the battle, and Pinenose had blocked her path. There was a moment where Hollypetal thought Pinenose was going to snap at her, but the former hostility in the she-cat's eyes had all but disappeared.

"I'll take her to Littlecloud," she'd mewed simply, flicking her tail at one of her clan-mates. They'd wrestled Roseleaf to her paws and led her away from the battle.

Roseleaf had looked back once, expression dazed, and nodded at Hollypetal. She couldn't read what the nod had meant. _Thank you_? _I'll be fine_? But Roseleaf was already gone.

And now Hollypetal was here, helping carry Dustpelt back to their temporary camp.

There had been a strange relief in him dying – he had been suffering so much after Ferncloud had died, and she'd been there to meet him and take him to StarClan. It wasn't Dustpelt being dead that felt strangling – it was having to bring his body back to his family and friends. The scene at the battle wouldn't be as much of a relief for the cats that hadn't seen it.

Really, what it had been was just a missed opportunity. A missed chance for Dustpelt's family to see him and Ferncloud together once more, to know that it was fine.

Spiderleg was ahead of her, carrying his father's scruff, his expression blank with the surprise of his death.

Hollypetal wanted to walk forever, to never reach camp, because she wasn't sure how she could handle seeing her friends reactions. She was so tired of grief, of pain, of seeing her friends feel anything negative. Every time she thought something might be going right, something would happen, and she'd remember how much _pain_ there was in the world, and she'd feel like she was losing herself to grief for anyone who had ever felt sad.

Her stomach rolled as they walked through the tunnel. Her and Spiderleg brought up the rear with the one lost warrior, a sad last sight.

Rainpaw and Dawnpaw had chosen to stay at camp during the fight because Frostpaw was finally recovering. They'd been planning on going on a hunting patrol and Hollypetal wondered if they were back yet. She didn't know what would be easier, to tell them first, or to just bring the body in.

The choice was made when they arrived at the camp. She spotted Rainpaw before he saw her. He was standing next to Dawnpaw and Frostpaw. Frostpaw was back in his nest, but his eyes had a brightness to them that Hollypetal didn't want to see disappear. Dawnpaw was sitting, ears perked. Rainpaw's paws were kneading the ground, his eyes trailing over the returning cats until they finally landed on Dustpelt.

She watched as his paws seemed to give out beneath him and he was suddenly laying there, his eyes following the body as Spiderleg and her brought it to the centre of the cave. Dawnpaw's jaw opened in a bewildered mew, but then she followed his eyes and stopped whatever she'd been starting to say, her mouth forming the word _Dad?_

Frostpaw struggled to his paws, all the brightness gone, and was trotting towards her, his face twisted in grief. "What happened?" he whispered as she set Dustpelt's body down. "What happened? _What happened_?" He was looking between her and Spiderleg quickly, like he was waiting for one of them to tell him that Dustpelt would be fine, was only knocked out.

Spiderleg cleared his throat, tucking his paws under himself as he settled down to sit with his father one last time. "He's with Ferncloud now," he said. His voice was gruff but trembling. He continued as more cats gathered around, "He didn't want us to get help." His voice broke off.

Hollypetal stepped forward, sucking in a sharp breath. "Ferncloud came and took Dustpelt to StarClan. Foxleap and Icecloud were there, too. All of their lost kits were." She squeezed her eyes shut. "He... he was happy."

When she opened her eyes again, she met Rainpaw's across the cave. She got to her paws and moved out of the way of the cats coming to say their goodbyes, heading to Rainpaw and Dawnpaw, neither of which had moved.

Rainpaw looked confused, uncomprehending. He was staring at Dustpelt, his expression somewhere between confusion and sadness and fear. His ears were pressed against his head, and when he met her eyes, they were round with grief. "He didn't... want help?"

She settled between him and Dawnpaw, shaking her head slowly. It felt like it weighed too much, like it was filled with water and if she tilted her head it would pour out of her ear and she'd drown everyone in it.

Dawnpaw stood and joined Frostpaw, her steps slow and unsteady. Hollypetal wanted to join her, but didn't want to leave Rainpaw. She was glad when Seedpaw appeared beside Dawnpaw and pressed her pelt against her's.

"I should've gone with you," Rainpaw whispered, his pupils shrinking. "Dawnpaw and Frostpaw are recovering from being sick, but I wasn't sick, I should've gone with you." He looked at her helplessly. "If I'd gone with you then—then he'd have come back from the battle _alive_ , I know he would've."

She swallowed painfully. "Rainpaw... he didn't _want_ to come back alive."

He looked to the ground. "Do you think... that he died on purpose?"

"No," she answered immediately. "No, Dustpelt wasn't like that. He was sad, but he wasn't... he didn't think about dying until he was."

He didn't look up, just whispered so quietly she wasn't sure she was supposed to hear it: "I don't have any parents anymore."

* * *

Hollypetal was very tired of dealing with bedding. It felt like the moss would never leave her claws, but she had offered to help with the nursery.

"Minty, make sure there aren't any thorns in there," Daisy mewed. "We don't want Squirrelflight's or Cinderheart's kits to get scratched."

Hollypetal flicked her tail as she pulled a thorn out of the pile and was putting it aside when she spotted her parents peering in.

"It's great in here," Lionblaze meowed. "I can't wait for our kits to be born," he added quietly to Cinderheart. "I'll visit as often as I can."

Daisy flicked her tail at him. "You'll visit if I say you can. We all have to put the mothers and kits first."

Lionblaze nodded. "Of course, Daisy." His eyes fell to Hollypetal. "I wasn't expecting to find you here."

"I'm good at collecting moss," she told him. There was a teasing glint in his eye that made her feel suspicious.

"Is that so," he purred. "I thought you were just familiarizing yourself with the den."

She frowned. "I know what the nursery is like. I grew up here."

Cinderheart bumped Lionblaze with her shoulder. "I think what he's trying to say is, maybe you'll be having kits soon."

She lifted her ears, feeling confused. "Me? I don't even have a mate."

Lionblaze and Cinderheart shared a look. Hollypetal realized that Daisy and the kittypets were also looking at her.

Minty broke the silence. "I thought Rainpaw was your mate."

She blinked.

Minty shuffled her paws. "I mean, the whole time I've been with the clan, you two have spent every night, well... not in camp."

For a few moments she couldn't speak, feeling as if her tongue had swollen to twice it's size and her pelt was suddenly burning. "No," she choked. "No, I just... I didn't want to stay in the tunnels."

"Oh," Minty said and paused. "Does Rainpaw know that?"

"Of course Rainpaw knows that!" she spat, fur bristling. "Did... does everyone think that?"

Lionblaze disappeared quickly and Cinderheart's eyes widened before she also disappeared.

"I've heard lots of cats talking about it," Daisy mewed. "But nothing ever solid."

Hollypetal pawed through the moss anxiously. A thorn got caught between her claws and she almost jumped in surprise. "I'm going to move these out of the nursery," she mewed quickly, and scooped the small pile of thorns they had gathered into her mouth.

She trotted out of the nursery and towards the entrance to the camp. Their barrier had been washed away in the flood and she knew that they'd like to add thorns for any intruders. She dropped them at Sparrowflight's paws.

He flicked his ear, letting go of one of the branches he'd been working with. "Are those thorns?" he asked, eyes sparking with interest.

Molenose poked his head out from behind a large branch. "Yup, those are thorns," he confirmed before she could.

Cherryfall approached her. "We aren't ready for thorns yet, but Brackenfur has a pile over there." She flicked her tail towards a clump of branches and ivy. There was a small pile of thorns gathered by the larger piles.

Molenose bounded to her. "I'll take them over," he purred, flicking Hollypetal's pelt with his tail affectionately. He picked them up carefully, and started away. She saw him glare at Cherryfall as he passed her, ears flattening abruptly.

"Sorry," Hollypetal mewed quietly.

If Cherryfall heard her, she didn't show it. "Are you finished securing that branch yet, Sparrowflight?"

"Not quite."

Cherryfall flicked her tail and turned away. She faced Hollypetal and looked surprised that she hadn't left. Her ears turned forward. "What?"

She felt stupid and embarrassed again suddenly. "Um... I said I was sorry."

Cherryfall's face twisted with confusion. "About what? Molenose? That doesn't involve you."

She felt even stupider. "No, I... about fighting you."

Now Cherryfall looked impatient. "What, when we were apprentices?" When Hollypetal nodded, Cherryfall sighed. "I don't think that matters anymore, does it? I was just mad because you kept showing me up." She scowled suddenly, fur prickling along her spine. "That wasn't you though, that was Hollyleaf, so don't you think you're better than me!"

Hollypetal blinked, realizing suddenly that Cherryfall hadn't been that rude to her in quite some time. She felt strangely relieved, though she wasn't sure Cherryfall had quite understood what she was saying.

"I didn't mean to delay your warriors ceremony," she meowed, keeping her tone calm so Cherryfall wouldn't take what she was saying the wrong way somehow.

She flicked an ear. "Yeah, well, I shouldn't have attacked you, anyway."

Their attentions turned to the entrance as Cloudtail walked through it, his hunting patrol behind him and loaded with prey. He dropped his catch in the centre of camp and looked to Bramblestar. "Hey, Bramblestar! We brought our fresh-kill so we can eat here!"

"Good idea," Bramblestar rumbled.

The clan erupted into excited howls and cheers and they converged on the pile like rabid animals. Hollypetal watched, not feeling hungry after the earlier nursery incident, then realized that Molenose was bringing a squirrel over to share with her. She sent a quick look around—cursing herself internally—for Rainpaw. He was nowhere in sight, and Molenose came to a halt in front of her, dropping the squirrel.

"Would you like to share?" he offered, blinking shyly.

"I'm not really hungry," she said shuffling her paws uncomfortably. She had already rudely rejected Molenose's advances many times, and she felt her muscles tightening with the urge to leave.

"You should eat, anyway."

Hollypetal jerked as Rainpaw appeared beside her, seemingly out of nowhere.

"Sorry," he added, noticing her surprise. "I was tidying up the elders den."

She started to duck into him, to hide in his long fur, then stopped herself as she realized what she was doing. _I'm an idiot,_ she thought, mortified. _I'm a total idiot and this is why they thought Rainpaw was my mate._

"I'm fine, really," she said. "I'm not hungry. You two can go ahead."

Rainpaw shrugged and took a bite out of the squirrel. Molenose looked appalled.

"Are you okay?" Rainpaw asked after he'd swallowed.

Molenose pulled the squirrel away from him while he wasn't paying attention.

"You get this really specific look on your face when you think something is stupid," Rainpaw finished. He looked back to the squirrel and saw that Molenose had pulled it away. His eyes narrowed but he refrained from making any rude comments.

"Yeah," she meowed dryly, "I'm fine. Just thinking things were stupid."

His whiskers twitched and he moved forward to take another bite from the squirrel. Molenose leaned away uncomfortably. "Well, you should still at least have a bite to eat, you know."

"I can take care of myself," she muttered, but took a bite from the squirrel so he'd shut up about it.

"Well, I find _that_ hard to believe."

She gave him an irritated look.

"Since we're all here..." They all turned away from the squirrel as Bramblestar's voice rang out. "I'm going to hold a clan meeting. I've got something important to do." He padded to the front of the Highrock. "Rainpaw, Dawnpaw, Frostpaw, Lilypaw, and Seedpaw, please join me."

Rainpaw sent her a baffled look, like he couldn't believe he was finally being called. She nudged him gently and he started forward, still looking surprised. He joined his siblings and Lilypaw and Seedpaw in front of Bramblestar.

Bramblestar approached Seedpaw first. "I, Bramblestar, leader of ThunderClan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down upon this apprentice. She has trained hard to understand the ways of your noble code, and I commend her to you as a warrior in her turn." He paused, looking down to Seedpaw. Her pelt was fluffed out to twice its normal size. "Seedpaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and to protect and defend this Clan, even at the cost of your life?"

Seedpaw gave a massive shudder as she meowed loudly, "I do."

"Then by the power of StarClan, I give you your warrior name. Seedpaw, from this moment on you will be known as Seedheart. StarClan honours your bravery and dedication, and we welcome you as a full warrior of ThunderClan."

She licked his shoulder as he rested his muzzle on her head. A few heartbeats passed before he moved onto Lilypaw.

"I, Bramblestar, leader of ThunderClan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down upon this apprentice. She has trained hard to understand the ways of your noble code, and I commend her to you as a warrior in her turn." He met Lilypaw's eager eyes. "Lilypaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and to protect and defend this Clan, even at the cost of your life?"

Lilypaw's answer rang confidently through the camp. "I do."

"Then by the power of StarClan, I give you your warrior name. Lilypaw, from this moment on you will be known as Lilytail. StarClan honours your enthusiasm and independence, and we welcome you as a full warrior of ThunderClan."

He leaned his muzzle against her and she licked his shoulder. He moved forward to Dawnpaw.

"I, Bramblestar, leader of ThunderClan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down upon this apprentice. She has trained hard to understand the ways of your noble code, and I commend her to you as a warrior in her turn." Dawnpaw trembled excitedly, seeming unable to sit still. "Dawnpaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and to protect and defend this Clan, even at the cost of your life?"

Her voice came out as a yell. "I do!"

Bramblestar's eyes flashed with amusement. "Then by the power of StarClan, I give you your warrior name. Dawnpaw, from this moment on you will be known as Dawnstreak. StarClan honours your patience and warmth, and we welcome you as a full warrior of ThunderClan."

Dawnstreak almost knocked her head against Bramblestar's as she leaned forward to lick his shoulder. He moved onward to Frostpaw.

"I, Bramblestar, leader of ThunderClan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down upon this apprentice. He has trained hard to understand the ways of your noble code, and I commend him to you as a warrior in his turn. Frostpaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and to protect and defend this Clan, even at the cost of your life?"

"I do," Frostpaw answered, strangely being the calmest of the group.

"Then by the power of StarClan, I give you your warrior name. Frostpaw, from this moment on you will be known as Froststep. StarClan honours your spirit and honesty, and we welcome you as a full warrior of ThunderClan."

Bramblestar leaned his muzzle against Froststep's head. Froststep licked his shoulder gently.

Hollypetal gave a small squirm of excitement as Bramblestar finally stopped in front of his apprentice. Rainpaw blinked at him evenly and Hollypetal was surprised to realize that Rainpaw was almost as big as ThunderClan's leader.

"I, Bramblestar, leader of ThunderClan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down upon this apprentice. He has trained hard to understand the ways of your noble code, and I commend him to you as a warrior in his turn. Rainpaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and to protect and defend this Clan, even at the cost of your life?"

Rainpaw's voice was off an octave when he replied, "I do."

"Then by the power of StarClan, I give you your warrior name. Rainpaw, from this moment on you will be known as Rainstrike. StarClan honours your courage and initiative, and we welcome you as a full warrior of ThunderClan."

Bramblestar rested his muzzle on Rainstrike's head, and Rainstrike licked his shoulder in response.

The whole clan seemed to take in a deep, collective breath. Rainstrike met her gaze, his eyes relieved and pleased. The happiest she'd seen them since the beginning of the flood.

"Seedheart! Lilytail! Dawnstreak! Froststep! Rainstrike!"

Some cats moved forward—mentors, family—to congratulate cats personally. Hollypetal was standing before she saw Graystripe and Sandstorm moving through the crowd, towards Bramblestar. Everyone moved back, reforming the circle. Rainstrike sat next to her and licked her ear before Graystripe began a rather personal speech. When he was done, Sandstorm said a few words.

Then Bramblestar stepped forward once more. "Sandstorm, Graystripe," he began, "is it your wish to give up the role of a warrior, and to join the elders?"

There was regret but no uncertainty in Sandstorm's voice as she answered, "It is."

"It is," Graystripe echoed.

"Your Clan honours you and all the service you have given us," Bramblestar murmured. "I call upon StarClan to give you many seasons of rest." He laid his tail across Sandstorm's shoulders and she bowed. When he finished repeating the gesture with Graystripe, they padded over to stand beside Purdy, who seemed delighted and said something to them too quiet for Hollypetal to hear.

"Uh... Bramblestar?" Frankie walked into the circle of cats. "Can I ask you something?"

Bramblestar dipped his head. "Of course."

"I want... that is, I'd like to join ThunderClan, and stay in the forest forever. If you'll have me," Frankie finished humbly.

Murmurs of surprise rose from the crowd, but no voices were hostile.

"We'd be honoured to have you," he responded.

Frankie's eyes shone with pride. "Thank you, Bramblestar!"

"Frankie," Bramblestar went on, "from this moment you will be known as Stormpaw, in recognition of the storm that brought you here, and as a memorial to your brother Benny. Rosepetal, you will be mentor to Stormpaw. I'm sure that you will teach him everything he needs to know."

Rosepetal moved to stand in front of Stormpaw. She whispered something, and they touched noses.

"Stormpaw! Stormpaw!"

As the clamor died away, Minty stepped forward. "Er... I don't want to stay here! No offense—you've all been really kind—but please can I go home now? I want to see if my housefolk have come back."

"Of course," Bramblestar purred. "We'll take you home. Thank you for everything you've done."

Several pairs of eyes turned to Jessy, but she remained quiet.

"We'll take you home now, if you want," Bramblestar offered.

Minty hesitated. "Please, may I stay one more night? I want to finish the nursery, and Purdy said he would tell me a story about a blind chicken, and I promised to help Leafpool sort some herbs, and... oh!" Her voice rose into a wail. "I will miss you all so much!" she blurted out.

Cats swarmed forward to say goodbye to Minty, and Hollypetal let herself fall back out of the crowd, Rainstrike at her side. She pressed herself against him as they moved away from the group and felt his chest rumbling with purrs.

"Congrats on finally becoming a warrior," she mewed. She pressed her muzzle against his and his purring grew louder, and for a moment, it was all she could hear and the world was fine. She pulled away after a few heartbeats, and met Rainstrike's eyes. They seemed to almost be overflowing with affection, and his purring still hummed in her ears.

Then it cut out abruptly and she pulled away further as she heard someone crashing through the barrier that had only just been built.

Rockfur came to a halt in front of her, his eyes wild with desperation, chest heaving. He looked like he had all of WindClan on his tail, and fear scent was pouring off him in waves.

"Rockfur," she whispered, stepping towards him. Behind her, startled calls broke out as ThunderClan realized they had an unwelcome guest.

"Hollypetal," Rockfur gasped for air. "Roseleaf is gone."

* * *

 **Did I mention that my new years resolution was to write once a day at least? First time I've ever bothered with one, but hey, I've written every day! I won't be posting this chapters notes on my blog until the next chapter is out, because the notes for this chapter end with a really big spoiler for the next chapter. Also it's a very rude comment and I am a terrible person.**

 **Also it'd be super cool to get some reviews, wink wink. I didn't get any for the last chapter, which felt bad, since it was so long. I totally get not reviewing though, I hate communication. Love you all!**

 **The Renewed Trilogy: Book Three: Mad World  
Chapter Three: I Will Follow You Into the Dark  
** **Word count (excluding A/N): 3,780  
Character count (excluding A/N): 18,533** **  
Song: Death Cab for Cutie – I Will Follow You Into the Dark  
Started: January 7** **th** **, 2016. 1:25AM.  
Finished: January 9** **th** **, 2016. 3:07AM. Edited: January 9** **th** **, 2016. 3:39PM.**


	5. Chapter Four: Anywhere But Here

The clan was yowling, but Hollypetal jumped defensively in front of Rockfur, flattening her ears to her head. Rockfur only looked at her pleadingly, breathing in loud lungfuls of air.

Bramblestar pushed his way through the crowd until he was standing beside her. He cast dangerous looks at anyone who tried to approach, before facing Rockfur himself. "Rockfur, you should know better than to barge into ThunderClan territory, let alone their _camp_."

Rockfur's ears flattened. "My sister is gone," he whispered. "Please, I need Hollypetal. Please."

Bramblestar's ears perked. "Roseleaf?" He turned from Rockfur to Hollypetal.  
There was a long moment where their eyes met, and Hollypetal could feel fear pushing through her veins.

 _Roseleaf is gone why is Roseleaf gone where is she where is Roseleaf_

She saw understanding light Bramblestar's eyes, the same kind that Rainstrike always had with her, the understanding of family that wasn't by blood.

He nodded once, firmly. "Alright," he agreed. "Take someone with you and find her."

She turned to Rainstrike. His expression was torn as he looked between her and his siblings. _He has his vigil,_ she realized, stomach sinking. Behind him, she saw Sparrowflight pushing to her, and felt surprise pause her fear.

"I'll go with you," he meowed calmly. She wanted to swat him, because he didn't understand how bad the situation was and she wasn't sure she wanted someone who didn't understand with her.

Bramblestar said, "Go."

Rockfur took off without waiting to see if she was following. She scrambled after him, trying to keep up with him as he ran back to ShadowClan border. He went straight through it without stopping. She could hear Sparrowflight breathing hard behind her and tried to get closer to Rockfur, but he was moving faster than she'd ever seen. _He's faster than a rabbit!_ Trees seemed to whiz by them, hardly even a blur.

He only slowed when they closed in on the area where the fight with the badgers had taken place.

"Her scent leads out of our territory," Rockfur wheezed. "Even further than we've been since the flood. That's why I came to get you."

"Is that it?" Sparrowflight grunted, flanking Hollypetal. "She might not be that far out."

Rockfur turned quickly, his face twisting into a snarl and his claws gleaming as they unsheathed. "You don't get it," he hissed, spit flying between his snarls and gasps. "She shouldn't even be out of camp! She almost died at that battle!"

She shuddered at the memory of Roseleaf's battered body being led away. "Where did you stop following her scent?"

He picked up his pace again and stopped once they reached a nearby stream. He took a long drink from it, so Hollypetal and Sparrowflight joined him.

"The scent follows the stream for awhile," Rockfur answered finally, breathing ragged.

She pulled her face away from the water, opening her mouth to scent the air.

"This way," Sparrowflight said, following the stream away from ThunderClan territory, his mouth open and eyes forward.

Rockfur took in a deep breath before following a step behind him. Hollypetal joined his side.

"How was she after the battle?" she asked, legs feeling weak after the sudden run.

He looked miserable. "She was bad. Really bad. She isn't supposed to go anywhere." He swallowed hard. "She said that you dragged her away from the battle."

She gave her head a jerking nod. "I did."

His ears went back. "She said she didn't need your help."

She almost stopped in surprise and tripped over her own paws. "Didn't need my help?"

Rockfur nodded. "But... she did though. With her injuries, she... she would've needed your help."

"She was hardly breathing." She choked on the words and stopped speaking, her eyes going to her paws.

Rockfur trotted ahead to join Sparrowflight, his shoulders hunched.

She blinked after him, suddenly wondering what she was doing. Roseleaf didn't want her help, but here she was, going after her again. Roseleaf couldn't make it any more obvious that she didn't want Hollypetal's help. She could feel her paws start to drag and she didn't want to continue forward. She wanted to turn back and pretend that Rockfur had never come for her, to go and celebrate Rainstrike becoming a warrior, to not know what Roseleaf was doing, to not care.

But she did, and her paws kept pulling her forward, and she could hear Dustpelt's last words echoing in her head, turning her rushing blood from fire to ice.

" _That is not where I want to be._ "

She wanted to grab Rockfur and pull him back. To tell him to go back to camp, to wait for Roseleaf there, but she wasn't sure Roseleaf _would_ go back without him dragging her there.

"Her scent leads into here," Sparrowflight said ahead of her. She pulled herself forward the last few steps to catch up with him and saw the mouth of a tunnel just passed him.

She felt like she was sinking.

Rockfur went in ahead of them.

Sparrowflight looked to her. "This must be part of the tunnel we were staying in," he said in a tone much too casual. "You go ahead of me so you can't run off."

She already wanted to run, but she trotted after Rockfur.

The tunnel was much narrower than the one that led to the cave ThunderClan had used as their temporary camp. Too narrow for her to even walk beside Rockfur, who was hurrying further and further away from her. She ran until she'd caught up to him and blinked rapidly in the dark, trying to get her eyes to adjust to it. She kept knocking into the sides of the tunnel.

Rockfur stopped abruptly and she crashed into him. Behind her, Sparrowflight managed to stop before he knocked into her.

"The tunnel breaks into two here," Rockfur meowed. His voice echoed through tunnels and she pressed her ears to her head.

"Which one does her scent lead down?" Sparrowflight asked.

"Both," Rockfur answered solemnly.

Sparrowflight let out a low hiss, and to her bewilderment, climbed over her.

"Duck down," he ordered Rockfur.

Rockfur ducked and Sparrowflight continued over him, his mouth opening and his face scrunched in concentration.

"This one," he decided and turned down the path that branched off of the one they were in. "It's fresher."

He led them down and down until they reached another branch. He barely paused before turning off into the new branch and Hollypetal felt fear pulse through her paws.

 _We're going to get lost down here_ , she wanted to say, but couldn't bring herself to speak. Without Sparrowflight behind her, she knew she could turn and leave at any moment, but she couldn't leave Rockfur alone when he needed her most.

They twisted through another turn, and Sparrowflight meowed, "There's a cave up ahead."

Sure enough, the narrow tunnel opened into a cave that was only a bit smaller than the temporary camp.

Sparrowflight squinted through the dark. "There's three tunnels here." He padded to the closest one, his mouth opening once more.

Rockfur sprinted to the one that was furthest away.

"Her scent leads here," Sparrowflight mewed, looking at her, then at Rockfur.

"It's over here as well," Rockfur reported.

Sparrowflight let out an irritated sigh and joined Rockfur, Hollypetal trailing behind him. He breathed in deeply for a few heartbeats before nodding. "This scent is fresher than the other." He paused, then turned back to the tunnel they hadn't checked, before rejoining them once more. "This one is the freshest," he said and started down it.

They'd only taken a few steps when he paused.

Rockfur hissed at him.

"I can hear water," he said, ears straining. "We must be by the river again."

He continued after a few moments, paws steps slow, as if he was waiting for them to hit water.

Hollypetal could feel the damp earth beneath her paws, and she felt the impulse again, to run back out of the cave and leave this all behind her.

There was a large crack in the roof of the tunnel, and light was pushing it's way through it. The light hurt her eyes for a moment, and Hollypetal blinked rapidly at the surprising sensation. The sound of water got louder and louder until they broke into another cave.

Roseleaf was sitting silently in front of an underground river. Hollypetal lifted her ears, peering over Sparrowflight, trying to get a better look at it, but there was no way for her to tell if it was part of the river that led to the lake. The crack in the roof opened above the water, shining sunlight onto the rushing water. It was beautiful, and Hollypetal didn't want to ruin the sight before her.

Rockfur moved passed her, passed Sparrowflight, heading to Roseleaf. Hollypetal moved forward and stood next to her brother, flicking her tail anxiously.

Roseleaf's ears perked as Rockfur approached, and she turned before he reached her, her claws shooting out defensively. They sheathed when she only saw them. "Rockfur," she greeted, eyes tired and voice blank. "What are you doing here?"

Hollypetal could see Rockfur's shoulders trembling as he stopped a fox-length away from her. "Shouldn't I be asking you that? Your scent led here."

Her ear flicked and she turned back to the water.

Hollypetal quietly joined Rockfur, nudging him gently with her shoulder. She saw his mouth open and shut as he searched for words.

"You're hurt," he said finally. "We need to get you back to camp so Littlecloud can check your wounds."

Nothing about her body language said she'd heard, so Rockfur raised his voice over the river.

"Roseleaf, you're heavily injured. You could've died coming out here. We need to go home."

Roseleaf turned away from the water once more, tail swishing behind her irritably. "I don't want to go home right now," she hissed, eyes narrowing. "Do you really not get that?"

Rockfur flinched. "It's dangerous out here."

"It's dangerous back at camp," she spat back. "It was dangerous at that badger fight. But here I am! I just can't die, huh?"

Rockfur let out a low whimper. "Please," he begged. "Please, Roseleaf, we can talk on the way home."

Roseleaf snarled, moving away from them a step. "I _told_ you, I'm not going." The fur along her spine lifted and her ears flattened back.

Rockfur stepped forward. Roseleaf stepped back and—

the ground crumbled beneath her paws. Surprise barely had time to flit across her face before she was plunged into the dark river.

Hollypetal was running forward and Rockfur was screaming and falling to the ground before she had even fully submerged.

 _I can save you,_ she wanted to shout. _I can save you, my powers can save you, I can save_

Hollypetal did not have her powers anymore.

She kept running, readying herself to leap in the water after Roseleaf and—

Sparrowflight pushed her down and pinned her to the ground and she could only watch as Roseleaf's head disappeared underwater, once, twice. Could only watch as the splashing slowed and could only watch Roseleaf's wide green eyes, staring back at her, helpless beneath the water.

The light in the roof made it so that she could see Roseleaf crash against the large rocks that jutted out of the water.

So that she could see as her body twisted unnaturally, pushing, pressing hard against the rock before the current swept her aside. So that she could see that her eyes were still open, but that there was no fear in them, no life.

Hollypetal watched the body disappear into the dark, and then she couldn't see anything anymore, because there was nothing left to see in the world worth the never-ending pain screaming out of her mouth.

* * *

 **I'm hiding in the end AN so I don't have to write this cause oh god. You'll know when you read it, but I haven't written it yet BUT IT FEELS SO BAD. Okay I'm actually going to write it now.**

 **Okay I finished it and I'm going to hell. I was so excited to write it but it was actually hard to. Hm. Should've written it when I first had the idea. Anyway I'm not sure I like it. I wanted it to come out a bit differently. I like the last paragraph at least.**

 **I'll be posting notes up on my blog right after posting this, so check them out if you want. As always, reviews are the best. Though you might not want to talk to me right now. I wouldn't want to talk to me right now. If it makes you feel better, I had to take a long break and write more chapter-by-chapter notes, and now I have 'til chapter thirteen planned. Chapter nine and twelve are brutal as well, fair warning.**

 **The Renewed Trilogy: Book Three: Mad World  
Chapter Four: Anywhere But Here  
** **Word count (excluding A/N): 1,987  
Character count (excluding A/N): 11,268** **  
Song: Sick Puppies – Anywhere But Here  
Started: January 10** **th** **, 2016. 12:42AM.  
Finished: January 11** **th** **, 2016. Time not recorded. Edited: January 12** **th** **, 2016. 3:45AM.**


	6. Chapter Five: Hundred

Hollypetal wasn't sure if she was screaming out loud anymore. Her lungs burned with the need for air, but she couldn't seem to fill them. Her mouth was open, but she couldn't tell if she was screaming, or if it was Rockfur, or if was just her own head violently rejecting the reality of what had just happened before her.

Sparrowflight moved off of her, but she didn't try to stand. Her legs were shaking too hard for her to stand. All of her was shaking too hard to do anything other than lay there, stuck between gasping and screaming and falling away to the nothing that wanted to consume her.

She watched Sparrowflight walking down the riverside, eyes flashing contradicting colours and brightnesses, and for a moment she wasn't sure she was even there, it all felt so surreal. It felt like the muddy ground beneath her was crawling over her, smothering her and filling her lungs until she was nothing more than a memory.

She could do nothing more than jerk forward as she watched Sparrowflight dive into the water. He disappeared into the dark water, too far away from the splash of sun for her to be able to make him out. She felt herself struggle to her paws through the haze, fear shaking through her until Sparrowflight reappeared, Roseleaf's body dangling from his jaws. She scrambled towards him, certain suddenly that she hadn't seen what had actually happened, that the flashing lights had caused her to see something that hadn't actually happened.

Roseleaf had definitely not crashed into the rocks — her shadow had only grazed across them. Her eyes had not been lifeless, they had just been the empty they had been since the war. Because in no reality did it make sense that Roseleaf had died so suddenly, so easily.

Sparrowflight dropped Roseleaf on her side, then leaned down to check her breathing. Hollypetal could already see Roseleaf's chest moving, moving up, moving down. But so was the whole cave, shaking so viciously that she wasn't sure she wasn't just falling towards her blood brother.

When he looked up at her, his eyes were grim, and suddenly he was falling sideways, away from her, away from everything that was real.

She hit the ground hard before realizing that it had not been him falling, but it had been her. She stared, her head swirling, at Roseleaf, because she was not breathing or moving. Her eyes were still open with the surprise that she had barely had time to feel.

Everything seemed to be spinning, she felt dizzy, she felt sick.

Sparrowflight pushed down on Roseleaf's chest, but there was no way to make her breathe again, not when her skull was so deformed.

Hollypetal could feel the sides of her head growing damp, with what? With Roseleaf's blood? With the water pouring off of her?

Roseleaf's green eyes were still staring, staring at her, a plea left in them, unanswered.

She could see her own breath, red and foggy in the darkness, swirling around her. She wanted to scream all the redness out of her, all the blackness out of her, but she still couldn't find any air, as if Rockfur was sucking it all in to himself so his screams could continue on forever and forever and forever.

Her head dropped and she stared at Roseleaf until there was no colour left in her eyes, until everything went from grey to a flash of white, to blackness that went on longer than life ever could.

Then he was pushing her, and she didn't know how she knew it was a he, but she knew it was Sparrowflight, but she couldn't control her own body, couldn't pull herself up and out of wherever she had faded into, wasn't sure she wanted to leave anyway.

Claws raked through her skin and she felt hot, wet blood escaping her side, and everything went red again, and then Sparrowflight was in front of her once more. Roseleaf's eyes were closed.

Rockfur's screams were nothing more than scratchy cries.

 _I don't want to be here,_ she wanted to tell Sparrowflight, but he was pulling her to her paws and she felt like all of StarClan was pushing down on her shoulders, trying to make her collapse once more.

"Get up," Sparrowflight was telling her. It sounded like there was clouds between them, his voice so far away from her. "We should get back to camp before the vigil is over."

The word repeated in her head for a few moments, _vigil vigil vigil,_ until she remembered that Rainstrike would be waiting for her and Sparrowflight to return.

"I'll need your help carrying her back to ShadowClan," Sparrowflight continued.

She blinked rapidly and the air cleared between them and he was staring at her, waiting for a reply. She nodded and her head felt like fog. Her mouth felt like it was full of bedding, but the idea of drinking made her stomach churn.

As he moved back to the body, she wondered if she'd be able to walk, but she was already moving after him, paws numb and moving on their own accord. She looked in Rockfur's direction, but had nothing to say, and she knew he'd follow them. He would follow his family anywhere. Hollypetal hoped that she counted enough as family to keep him from disappearing.

Sparrowflight picked up Roseleaf's scruff and then waited for her to grab her haunches. Despite the water still dripping off of her body, Roseleaf weighed little more than a fat squirrel. Water trickled from the body, down her throat, and she fought the need to gag as she followed Sparrowflight to the exit.

He backed into it, holding Roseleaf carefully and walking backwards, his tail feeling his way out. Behind her, Rockfur followed after them, letting out small gasps.

Sparrowflight followed the tunnel with relative ease, and soon they were out, and then the smell of ShadowClan was hitting her nose and she wanted to stop again as reality hit her once more. She didn't want Roseleaf to be buried, she wanted Roseleaf to wake up and be fine.

She wanted to go back to the cave and to curl up with Rockfur and scream until the world ended, but her paws led her after Sparrowflight, and she could feel Rockfur's breath against her tail. There was no time to mourn now, only time to put Roseleaf to rest. There was not enough time in the world for her to mourn another sister.

ShadowClan's scent grew stronger, and Rockfur moved passed them to lead the way. His screams turned gasps were only hiccups now, and his expression was blank with shock.

She wanted to say something again, but there were no words that would ever mean anything anymore.

Rockfur led them through the entrance to their camp and there was only a gasp from the cat that was on guard duty, then silence as they walked to the centre of camp.

She collapsed with Roseleaf as Sparrowflight put her front down, burying her face in her fur. If she pressed herself tightly enough against her, she would wake up back in the medicine cats' den after killing Crowfrost, and Roseleaf would be there, and her smile would be fake but at least she would be alive.

Behind her, she could hear Rowanstar asking what had happened, but she was far away again, too far away to answer his questions.

She concentrated instead on Dustpelt's last words. " _That is not where I want to be._ " Because Roseleaf had not wanted to be here, but maybe she'd be happy in StarClan, with her family and mate. Her throat tightened and suddenly she wished Sparrowflight had left Roseleaf's body to wash away with the river, because Roseleaf had not wanted to come back to ShadowClan. Hollypetal did not know if she'd meant _ever_ , but she hoped under the circumstances, Roseleaf would not be mad.

She could hear words floating passed her, clan-mates whispering goodbyes, and looked up when she heard Redwillow's voice.

Their eyes met, and she could see her own misery reflected within him, and she wanted to reach out, to make him not hurt, but she could hardly even contain her own sadness, let alone the grief of another.

"I looked after her as best I could," he told her, voice shaking and eyes wet. "You can't save someone who isn't willing to be saved."

She started to fall back into Roseleaf, but then Rowanstar was beside her.

"Thank you for your help, Hollypetal, but I'm afraid you can't stay here," he said, voice tired but unwavering. "You understand."

She didn't understand, but Sparrowflight pulled her up again and she looked at Rockfur.

He was sitting beside his sister, eyes glazed over, staring, only staring. Littlecloud was beside him, watching with concern, and Hollypetal wasn't needed.

She let Sparrowflight pull her away, feeling nausea crawl through her. She had hardly eaten, had hardly had anything to drink, but everything in her rejected the idea of food or water, and she concentrated on the tip of Sparrowflight's tail, trying to keep up with him as he led them to the border that separated ShadowClan from ThunderClan.

Only after crossing the border did she stop, tired of moving, tired of walking, too tired of everything to continue onward.

Sparrowflight looked at her over his shoulder, only pausing for a moment before continuing in the direction of ThunderClan's newly rebuilt camp.

All signs of the sun had disappeared, and Hollypetal dragged herself slowly to the beach.

The water was still too high, covering most of what had once been sand, but she collapsed there at the waters edge, trying to concentrate on anything except the feeling in her chest.

She looked across the border to ShadowClan's territory and thought of all the times she'd met Rockfur here, at this spot she had once called a sanctuary. It no longer felt like that — beautiful sight scarred with ugly memories.

It had been right here where Hollypetal had first met Roseleaf, she realized, laying her head down in the shallow water. It lapped gently at her cheek, and then she thought of Roseleaf's head disappearing underwater and yanked herself back with a sharp gasp.

She could feel another scream rising up in her, and she tried to swallow it down. A small gurgled cry was all that escaped from her as she stumbled away from the water, and her throat burned like acid as she tried not to be sick.

"Hollypetal?"

She turned and it was Rainstrike, except it couldn't be Rainstrike, because he was supposed to be at his vigil.

He stepped towards her and she tried to convince herself that he wasn't part of her delusions, that he had actually come for her.

"Sparrowflight came back to camp, and he told me that..." His eyes were round with sorrow and she stepped towards him until she was beside him. "He said that he left you here."

His pelt felt real, so she curled up beside him, tired but relieved to not be alone. He licked the top of her head, and he still felt solid, so she let herself relax beside him. Her head was spinning, and she was so, so tired, and she never wanted to be alone again.

Her chest hurt. Her chest hurt so much she still wasn't sure she would ever be able to breathe properly again. Rainstrike curled around her, and she wanted to say something to him, felt the words somewhere in her. She couldn't grab hold of them, couldn't tell what they were, so she let them disappear into the mess of other words she could never seem to say aloud.

* * *

 **My writing is very chaotic, but that's how I want it to feel. I want it to feel like nothing is right, because sometimes it isn't. Reviews are always welcomed here, so feel free to say something if you want.**

 **Roseleaf deserved a lot better than me, I think.**

 **The Renewed Trilogy: Book Three: Mad World  
Chapter Five: Hundred  
Word count (excluding A/N): 1,971  
Character count (excluding A/N): 10,991  
Song: The Fray – Hundred  
Started: January 14** **th** **, 2016. 12:09AM.  
Finished: January 14** **th** **, 2016. 5:00AM. Edited: January 14** **th** **, 2016. 5:20AM.**


	7. Chapter Six: Fall Away

The sun was too bright. Hollypetal squeezed her eyes shut before she even opened them, unwilling to wake up. She felt like she'd fallen out of a tree, and she just wanted to keep resting until everything stopped aching.

"Are you awake?"

A tail brushed across her nose, and she pressed her face into her paws, rubbing the sleep from her eyes before looking up at Rainstrike. He was standing beside her, a mouse at his paws. From the angle she was at, he looked far too big, like he was bigger than the sun that shone behind his head.

She wondered if all of yesterday had been a dream, but then there wouldn't have been a reason for her waking up at the beach. She felt stupid, because she wanted to ask Rainstrike if anything had changed, if Roseleaf had actually been fine and woken up, but she'd seen Roseleaf for herself and knew that there was no chance of a change.

"The sun is high enough now that patrols will be heading out," Rainstrike continued. "I caught you a mouse, so eat and let's head back to camp."

She was hungry, and her stomach was already growling, and her mouth felt like the sand under her paws. The idea of drinking only brought back the taste of water dripping from Roseleaf's body and sent another wave of nausea over her.

Rainstrike's eyes narrowed in a way that made her know that if she didn't eat willingly, he'd pin her down and shove the mouse down her throat. She wondered if she could take him in a fight, but her muscles were aching too much for her to even bother trying. She stretched a paw out and grabbed the mouse, and pulled it closer to her. The smell made her mouth water, but her stomach turn. She ate it in three quick bites and got to her paws.

Rainstrike stretched, blinking lazily at her. "Ready to go to camp?"

If she went to camp, then yesterday would be over, and she wanted nothing more than that. She nodded and Rainstrike led her through the forest, his tail still brushing against her nose, as if she'd fall behind without it there. Maybe she would have.

"Thanks for the mouse," she meowed. She hadn't forgotten Rockfur telling her to try and notice more of what went on around her, but Rainstrike taking care of her was so natural now that she kept forgetting that he was taking his own time to help her.

"You hardly ate yesterday," he replied, and flicked the top of her head with his tail. "You won't remember to eat if food isn't right in front of you."

He pulled his tail back to himself as they entered camp. "I should check in with Bramblestar," he told her. "I'll meet you by the fresh-kill pile soon." He hit her once more with his tail before bounding towards Bramblestar's den.

She blinked after him, feeling all the life drain out of her once more without him to boss her around. Her paws dragged as she started towards the fresh-kill pile, and then there was a flash of brown fur and Molenose was in front of her.

His eyes were kind, they were always kind when they were aimed at her, but she felt a surge of annoyance at the sight of him. She'd seen so much _brown_ lately, and his pelt looked like _dirt_ and she was very tired of walls of dirt surrounding her, and she didn't want to be his mate, and she didn't like the creamy white colour of him either, because Crowfrost had white on him and she did not want to look at him so she walked straight passed him without a greeting.

He did not say anything, so she only stopped when she reached the fresh-kill pile. She tucked herself behind it and waited for Rainstrike to join her once more.

"Bramblestar wants me to guard camp tonight," he told her, "since I left early."

She straightened up and tried to be more aware at his reappearance. She kept feeling her mind slipping back into fog, and she kept fighting it back out before it could overcome her. She wanted her attention to be on Rainstrike, not on ShadowClan.

"Sorry," she said quietly.

His ears perked. "Sorry? About what?"

He was so _clueless;_ she wanted to bat him around.

"You came looking for me and got in trouble."

"Oh, that doesn't matter." He thumped his tail on the ground. "I was just mad that Sparrowflight left you alone after that."

"No," she mewed, scratching at the ground in irritation. "That's not what..." The words kept coming and going, teasing the edge of her tongue, then disappearing into her head again and mixing back in with all the other words that came and went, came and went.

There were so many words she wanted to say to him, and they felt like they'd never leave her, and it felt like she was going to suffocate in all of them.

He blinked at her, and his eyes were a different sort of kind from Molenose's. A patient kind, not an eager kind, not the kind that wanted to be noticed and applauded. He was too genuine, and for a moment, all words flew from her mind, and she was finally able to say them out loud, without any other thought interrupting her.

"I wanted today to be special for you, because you're finally a warrior, and you've been waiting so much longer than you were supposed to, and you cheered for me first when I became a warrior, but every time I want to pay attention to you, something happens and I can't pay attention to anything."

There was a long moment where he just kept staring at her, and she thought maybe the words had lodged themselves in her throat again, but then he pulled away from her, barely, almost invisibly, and pushed her face away with one of his paws.

She stopped moving, stopped trying to speak, not sure what to do. His paw rested against her face, holding her away from him, and she felt more confused than she'd felt when she'd first met Hollyleaf.

She flinched as Jayfeather rounded the fresh-kill pile, and Rainstrike's paw pulled away, but he was already staring at Jayfeather.

"I want you to come by for a poppy seed to help you sleep tonight," Jayfeather said in the tone he used when he wouldn't have anyone disobey him. "If you don't come by, I'll send someone to find you and make you sleep in my den."

She let out a small huff of protest. "I'll get one, jeez."

Rainstrike nodded once. "I'll make sure she comes by."

Jayfeather flicked his ear at Rainstrike. "Good," he meowed and started to turn around, tossing over his shoulder, "Squirrelflight had her kits last night."

Rainstrike peered passed the pile, eyes aimed at the nursery, his ears perked and eyes interested. He didn't express any of his desire to see the kits, instead turning back to her. "Did you sleep enough, or should we set up a nest for you in the warriors den?"

She watched him, waiting for him to suggest visiting the nursery, but he just looked back at her, waiting for an answer. Frustration itched at her paws. Rainstrike loved kits, she could tell by the way he watched them whenever they were out, but he was too busy making sure she was alright to do anything for himself.

"Let's go to the nursery," she suggested for him.

He blinked, surprise lighting his eyes. "The nursery?"

"Yes, the nursery. You want to see the kits, right?"

Embarrassment flashed across his face.

"I said I wanted today to be about you, right? So let's go." She stood and started towards the nursery decidedly, and heard him scramble after her.

"W-w-we don't have to," he sputtered, catching up with her. "We should really make sure you've slept enough, and there probably isn't a nest set up for you—"

She walked into the nursery, effectively cutting him off.

Squirrelflight looked up from her nest, blinking tiredly. "Here to see the kits?" she asked quietly and yawned.

Rainstrike walked in beside her, expression still baffled.

"Jayfeather said you had them while I was out," Hollypetal explained when he didn't respond.

Squirrelflight shifted her bushy tail, and four kits came into view.

Rainstrike leaned forward, and Hollypetal moved closer, leaning down to look at them. They were small and squirmed at the loss of their mother's warm tail.

Two were the colour of Squirrelflight, one the colour of Bramblestar. The fourth one was a darker ginger than Squirrelflight, it's colouring between ginger and brown.

"The dark ginger is a tom," Squirrelflight mewed. "The rest are she-cats."

Rainstrike inched up beside her, his pelt lightly brushing her's as he bent down to look at the kits closer. "Sorry I wasn't here to help with anything," he said, eyes following the tail of one of the orange she-cats as it swung around, hitting her litter mates.

She let out a quiet purr. "I told you that you helping me up the cliff didn't mean you had to take care of me," she teased.

"I know," he meowed, sitting up straighter. "Bramblestar was my mentor, is all, so his priorities rubbed off on me."

"Bramblestar's priority is the whole clan," Squirrelflight said, but looked pleased. She gave her chest a quick lick and turned her attention back to Hollypetal. "Did you find Roseleaf?"

She felt stunned for a moment, and Rainstrike's ears went down. From how Jayfeather had treated her earlier, she'd assumed that everyone knew what had happened. But they'd probably been keeping the information from Squirrelflight since she'd just had the kits.

Hollypetal could not think of any excuse to give. Saying they had just found Roseleaf seemed too much like a lie to say. "Roseleaf is dead," she finally meowed, and her voice sounded hollow even to herself.

Squirrelflight's eyes widened and she started to sit up, before remembering her kits and settling back down. "She's dead?" Her ears flattened back. "I...I didn't... I never..." There was a long pause from her, and she swept her tail back over her kits. She cleared her throat before trying again. "Sorry, I didn't know. I just... I never met her." Guilt crossed her face suddenly. "I know she wasn't really—I mean she was Hollyleaf's daughter, and Hollyleaf wasn't really my daughter, but I...I just..."

"Hollyleaf was your daughter," she said without thinking. It felt good to say. It had been what she wanted to say last time she'd talked to Squirrelflight, but the words were still forming in her head, like they had earlier, so she said them while she could. "Hollyleaf never referred to you as anything but her mother. You raised her, so you're... you're her mother."

Squirrelflight stared down at her kits, her expression torn. She still looked guilty and sad, but there was something like relief and happiness fighting at her eyes. "I loved her like she was my daughter," Squirrelflight said, then was silent for a long time, her eyes still watching her kits.

Hollypetal noticed Cinderheart towards the back of the den, watching the exchange somberly, and felt a prickle of guilt. She hadn't meant that Hollyleaf had been her mother, not at all. Hollyleaf had been a lot of things, but Cinderheart would always be her mother.

Hollyleaf was a best friend, a voice of reason, someone easier to turn to than her mother. Hollyleaf was inside her, and always knew what she was thinking and feeling, and it was easier to fall to her for help than to go asking for help out loud.

She would talk to Cinderheart another day about it. She was too tired to keep having conversations.

Squirrelflight finally looked back up at her, and her eyes were sad again, but when she spoke, her voice was unswerving. "Could me and Bramblestar name one of the girls after Roseleaf?"

Hollypetal fell back into stunned silence. She wasn't sure it was her place to give permission, it seemed more like something Rockfur should've had to choose, but Rockfur wasn't there and she was already letting out a choked answer of "Yes."

Rainstrike rested his tail on hers and breathing became easier once more.

Behind them, Daisy entered the den. "Oh, you two get out of here," she scolded. "Squirrelflight needs to rest. Shoo, out!"

Hollypetal let herself and Rainstrike be ushered out. His tail stayed wrapped around hers, and she was leaning against him heavily, her paws feeling heavy again with sleepiness. He led her to the warriors den, and she realized with amusement that he was going to make her sleep after all.

There was a large ball of moss at the corner of the den for warriors to set up their nests, and she and Rainstrike each grabbed some before setting up their nests in an empty spot near the den's entrance.

"You seem talkative today," Rainstrike mused, shaping his moss into a nest.

She decided not to reply to annoy him, instead finishing her nest and climbing into it.

He gave an amused purr as he finished his own nest, and settled in it beside her. "Do you want me to get you a poppy seed?" he offered, his tail wrapping around her.

She realized that his nest dipped into hers. _Cheeky fox!_ But she was too tired to complain, and it didn't really bother her, so she just declined his offer and kicked him lightly.

He seemed unaware that she'd kicked him on purpose, and he leaned forward to brush his muzzle across hers. "Good job earlier," he said quietly, and then curled himself up to sleep.

She wasn't sure what he was talking about, but she wasn't going to complain about being praised, so she tucked her head into her nest and slept.

* * *

 **Squirrelflight's kits all lived cause eff the police. We'll just pretend she had Alder' and Sparkpaw early.**

 **Next chapter features even more Rainstrike being better than Molenose. Truly amazing. Also a new slap of reality to keep Hollypetal on her toes. How dare she relax for most of a chapter? Doesn't she know better? It's not that bad, really. In fact, it's a slap of reality that's been a long time coming and how did she not see this coming? (Bonus hint: even Hollyleaf saw it coming.)**

 **As always, reviews are the best. Also if you ever see any errors in my writing feel free to point them out. Last chapter I used a wrong version of the word 'there' and it was like 'ew.'**

 **The Renewed Trilogy: Book Three: Mad World  
Chapter Six: Fall Away  
Word count (excluding A/N): 2,357  
Character count (excluding A/N): 12,928  
Song: The Fray – Fall Away  
Started: January 15** **th** **, 2016. 1:34AM.  
Finished: January 17** **th** **, 2016. 3:12AM. Edited: January** **th** **, 2016. AM.**


	8. Chapter Seven: Breathe Into Me

Hollypetal's eyes scanned the crowd, but she knew ShadowClan hadn't arrived yet. Only the smell of RiverClan inhabited the island, and the crowd was far too small to be any more than RiverClan and gathering ThunderClan cats as they crossed the log bridge.

Froststep joined her side, eyes trailing across the trees. "There's a dead fish over there," he mewed, looking delighted. "It's on top of a bush!"

She followed after him as he bounded excitedly towards it, shaking her head. Froststep had missed quite enough while he was sick, and she'd never seen him so excited to go to a Gathering. Hollypetal suspected that Bramblestar was letting her go to so many of them so she could see her ShadowClan companions. Rainstrike had not been invited.

"Don't touch it!" she scolded when he batted lightly at the fish.

He turned to her, expression absolutely innocent. "What? I wasn't going to do that."

She scowled as he looked back at the fish. His tail tip was twitching and she found herself waiting for him to make his next move.

He looked back to her, realized she was still glaring at him, and sighed, putting his nose into the air. "Well, fine then!" he meowed in a cross tone. "Let's go look over here!"

He took off again before she could stop him. She looked over her shoulder as WindClan cats started joining the rest, then followed after Froststep with an annoyed hiss.

He was looking into the tree branches. "Do you think there are fish in the trees?" he asked.

"Froststep, you can't have the tree fish."

"I want the tree fish."

"We need to stay with everyone else so we don't miss anything," she argued, flicking her tail.

"What do you think it tastes like?"

She curled her lip at him and a screech tore through the air.

Froststep jumped and stumbled and fell, and Hollypetal darted back to the crowd. Cats from the three clans were all staring in the direction the shout came from, pelts prickling.

Hollypetal recognized Cherryfall's voice as she let out a following yowl of "I've found the stick!"

There was a pause before ThunderClan cats surged towards her, leaving RiverClan and WindClan staring bewilderedly after them. Froststep darted passed her and she trotted after him.

She arrived in time to hear Cherryfall telling Mistystar about the meaning of the stick. Jayfeather was holding onto it with his claws, looking absolutely ecstatic. Hollypetal could feel grief building up in her chest at the memory of all the lost cats. Beside her, Froststep was trembling in relief. He'd taken the death of Ferncloud the worst of all of her kits. She knew the stick must have meant a lot to him and was glad he would be able to see it again.

Silence fell as Cherryfall finished explaining, the clearing falling back to the memories of their lost ones.

Eventually Onestar broke the silence. "We remember our fallen warriors with a pile of stones at the top of the moor, one stone for each cat. One patrol goes there every day, to remember and be thankful."

Mothwing, the RiverClan medicine cat, stepped forward with a glance at Mistystar. "Willowshine and I created a circle of ferns in which we can each remember our lost clan-mates," she mewed. "The flood damaged them, of course, but they will grow again."

Silence fell once more.

"And we list the names of the dead at the first owl call each night."

The clans turned as ShadowClan padded forward to stand with the rest of the clans, their heads bowed in united grief.

Hollypetal was too busy scanning through them to bow, searching for Rockfur, but there were so many cats to _look_ through and then she was recoiling as her eyes met a pair of yellow eyes that did not belong there.

Beside her, Froststep let out a startled mew at her movement, then looked up himself. He gasped audibly, and then everyone was looking up, and cries of astonishment were filling the night.

Hollypetal couldn't drag her eyes away from Raccoonpaw's. He was staring at her, certainly, and he looked so sad, so hopeless. She was too far away to ask him what was wrong. He would not hear her over the shouts of every other cat.

She jerked her eyes away from him abruptly, looking for Roseleaf, searching for her through the crowd, because if Raccoonpaw was here, then Roseleaf wouldn't be far. But as much as she searched for Roseleaf's glowing green eyes, she couldn't find them, not anywhere.

When she looked back to Raccoonpaw, she felt her throat close, because now beside him was Petalpaw. Her paws quivered beneath her and she thought for a moment she might fall and Petalpaw was staring back at her.

She opened her mouth to call out to her sister, to say something, anything, because losing Petalpaw had ripped her heart to shreds and she wanted more time, time to talk about everything and nothing and to just exist with each other.

Petalpaw gave a sharp shake of her head, and Hollypetal's mouth snapped closed. Confusion seeped through her, and Petalpaw gave a flick of her tail, a gesture of ' _Come here._ '

She got to her paws, but then StarClan was gone, all of them, Petalpaw included. She felt her tail fall and for a second thought the rest of her would follow. She turned, dumbfounded, as the leaders climbed the Great Oak.

Onestar stepped forward and started speaking, but Bramblestar interrupted. "Wait. I've got something important to say."

Onestar stepped back, glaring at Bramblestar.

"Cats of all clans," he began, "We cannot let the fallen go unrecognized, and that includes ensuring the future of all four Clans together. In times of peace, we stand alone, hunt alone, fight with one another over our boundaries. But more than that, StarClan has shown us that there must always be four Clans beside the lake, and in times of trouble, Clan borders are meaningless.

"I wish to create a new rule for the warrior code: that each Clan has the right to be proud and independent, but in times of trouble they must forget their boundaries and fight side by side to protect the four. Each Clan must help the others so that no Clan will fall."

Rowanstar stepped forward to Bramblestar's side, his neck fur bristling. "It's always ThunderClan who decides to interfere," he hissed. "Any cat would think Firestar wasn't dead."

Bramblestar raised a paw to silence him, mighty and imperious. "Firestar is dead. I am leader of ThunderClan now. And I am proud to uphold his legacy of preserving all the Clans in the forest. No Clan was left behind on the Great Journey to find the lake. No Clan was abandoned to fight alone against the Dark Forest. No Clan will be allowed to fall now, not if the rest of us can protect them."

"Yes!" Mistystar's cry rang out as soon as Bramblestar had finished speaking. "We should do as Bramblestar says. It's for the good of every cat."

Onestar was working his claws into the bark of the branch where he stood. "You don't leave me much choice," he muttered grudgingly. "Okay, I agree."

"Rowanstar?" Bramblestar prompted.

"I suppose I'm outvoted," Rowanstar growled.

Enthusiastic yowls rose from the clans, but Hollypetal kept looking back to where Petalpaw had been. Why had she beckoned her over if she was just going to _leave_? She didn't understand, and her heart felt heavy with the lost chance to see her sister.

Bramblestar let Onestar step forward once more, and then the Gathering truly began, but nothing could defeat what had just happened. She wanted to be happy with everyone about the new code, a code that finally made _sense_ , but she couldn't concentrate on anything after Petalpaw.

Bramblestar stepped forward after Onestar, but Hollypetal already knew the news of her own clan. She met Froststep's eyes, and wondered if he'd also seen Petalpaw, but she had a feeling he'd seen his parents and that was what mattered to him.

Mistystar stepped forward as Bramblestar moved back, but she only said things Hollypetal had expected: a few deaths and the ruining of their camp.

She pressed her ears down as Rowanstar began. She did not want to hear him talk about Blackstar and Roseleaf being dead.

Froststep rested his tail over her shoulders, and Hollypetal spotted Redwillow at the roots of the Great Oak. She inched forward slowly as Rowanstar gave his report, intent on at least talking to Redwillow before leaving. She wanted to know how Rockfur was, and Redwillow would be the one to go to for that information.

She let her ears lift as Rowanstar stepped back, picking up her pace. Redwillow must have seen her coming, because he took a few paces in her direction.

"Good evening, Hollypetal," he greeted in his usual friendly voice.

She wondered how he could keep getting up every morning, but only asked, "How is Rockfur?"

"Why don't you ever ask how _I'm_ doing?" Redwillow drawled, then sighed. "I don't know. He's still in shock, I think." He gave a short pause. "He'll be fine."

She felt a chill at the words, because Rockfur had said the same words to her about Roseleaf.

Redwillow seemed to sense her unease and continued. "I'm not just trying to appease you," he meowed. "Rockfur is strong. He just needs time."

She felt her tail flick across the filthy ground. "How are you?" she asked after a few moments.

He puffed out his chest proudly. "I'm fantastic!" he declared. "But I'll have to talk to you some other time. ShadowClan is leaving now." He jogged passed her, dipping his head in farewell.

Froststep joined her once more, his tail high. "This has been the most exciting Gathering probably ever." He looked pleased. "And _I_ got to be here! I can't wait to dangle this over Rainstrike's head."

She shook her head at him, exasperated already. "You can't dangle this over his head, because he could just come to me about it."

He looked immediately offended. "You can't tell him about this, do you understand?" His voice was incredibly serious and so were his eyes.

She felt her own eyes glazing over. "Froststep, he could go to anyone that came to the Gathering. Bramblestar will probably bring it up tomorrow, since there's a new code."

Now he just looked sad. "Okay, but give me tonight."

She nodded slowly. "Okay. I won't tell Rainstrike about this tonight."

He looked pleased again.

She shook her head at him once more, then passed by him, joining ThunderClan as they struggled to pick up the Stick of the Fallen.

Bramblestar seemed resigned as he offered to paddle it back to shore.

Whitewing gave her tail a flick of command and the ThunderClan cats quieted. "I want all of you to cross the tree bridge before Bramblestar starts pushing the stick," she ordered. "Wait at the lakeside until he reaches you. I will walk beside him on the bridge in case anything goes wrong."

Mews of agreement broke out, and Whitewing flicked her tail once more, sending ThunderClan to wait their turn to cross. It was a slow process – they waited for all the other clans to cross first, so Whitewing wouldn't be holding anyone back when she travelled with Bramblestar.

When they did cross, Jayfeather stood anxiously at the waters edge, his tail flicking anxiously. He seemed astonishingly attached to the stick, but so were most of the clan.

A group waded into the lake as Bramblestar reached the other side, and Whitewing bounded off the bridge and ran into the water to help him out. Hollypetal could only make it to the waters edge before her paws refused to go any further than that. She simply watched as her clan-mates picked up the stick and brought it to shore, then followed them on their way back to camp.

She was relieved when they made it back to camp, many cats dripping wet and tired. The cats who had waited up looked surprised and then let out delighted yowls when the stick was brought in, succeeding in waking up everyone who had gone to sleep. They tumbled out of the dens with sleepy, bewildered eyes, then joined the excitement around the stick.

Rainstrike flicked his tail against her side, eyes wide and alert. "Is that the Stick of the Fallen?" he asked, head cocking to the side.

"It was on the island."

Froststep pushed between them, sending Hollypetal a look of warning. "Tonight was very busy," he told his brother mischievously.

"It would seem so," Rainstrike replied, eyes not leaving the stick as it was carried to the side of the medicine cat's den.

Annoyance flickered across Froststep's face. "Yep. And the stick isn't even the best part!"

His announcement of that was too loud, and curious warriors surrounded him to hear the story, and Hollypetal let herself fall to the back of the crowd.

She was surprised and amused when she realized Rainstrike had followed her. "You don't want to hear Froststep's story?"

"Well, you can just tell it to me, can't you?"

She twitched her whiskers in amusement. "I promised Froststep I wouldn't."

He cast her an unimpressed look. "He specifically didn't want you to tell me?"

She nodded and he glared into the crowd for a few moments.

"Was it important?"

"Bramblestar will probably announce it tomorrow."

His tail flicked in agitation before he let out a sigh. "Well then I guess I'll hear it then," he meowed distastefully. "Let's head to the warriors den."

She had only just started nodding in agreement when Molenose came up to them.

"Actually, I was wondering if I could talk to you," he interrupted quietly.

She felt a sliver of confusion enter her. Molenose had been at the Gathering, somewhere. She remembered his name being announced. She shared a look with Rainstrike, who looked almost as displeased as his brother had when she'd foiled his plans.

"Okay," she mewed hesitantly.

Molenose glanced at Rainstrike for a moment, and upon realizing that he had no intention of moving, sighed. "Can we talk outside of camp?"

Rainstrike was giving her a look that said _Absolutely-not!_ but she nodded and followed Molenose as he started out of camp. She glanced back at Rainstrike to see him pouting after her.

"Sorry," Molenose began as they left camp. "I know it's late and a lot has happened and you probably want to go to sleep, but I just wanted to talk with you seriously."

She flicked an ear at him. "We couldn't do that with Rainstrike?"

He looked momentarily tired. "No, we couldn't."

"Okay," she replied. "What is it, then?"

"I want to be your mate."

She stopped in her tracks and sat down. "Molenose," she began, but he continued before she could reject him.

"No, wait," he insisted, shaking his head and turning to her. "I want you to actually _think_ about being my mate. I know you said no before, but you never actually stop and think about if you'd enjoy it. So, before you reject me again, can you at least spend some time thinking about it seriously?"

She felt annoyed, because she _didn't_ want to be his mate. If she didn't want to without thinking about it, then why would she want to be _after_ thinking about it?

But he was right about her never actually imagining it. She'd always turned him flat down without regards to either of their feelings, because she'd never really cared about getting a mate. She'd been raised with one goal, and it didn't include Molenose.

She sighed. "Alright. Okay. I'll think about it tonight."

He nodded, face relaxing. "Thank you."

She flicked her tail and looked away from him, lying down in the grass. "You can go back to camp. I can't think when I'm crowded."

She thought he'd tell her that he wasn't a crowd, but he just nodded once and padded away.

All she wanted to do was curl up and go to sleep, but she knew it would be unfair of her to reject Molenose again when she hadn't even done what he'd asked.

So, she tried to imagine what it would be like to be with him. He'd always treated her well, yes, but she didn't love him. She knew that without having to think about it. She did not feel any love when she looked at Molenose. She'd only felt companionship when they were on good terms. On bad terms, she felt annoyed and tired of dealing with him. She never wanted to spend time with him outside of patrols.

More than anything, she couldn't stop thinking about the way he treated _others._

The way he'd talked about Hollyleaf's bloodline being disgusting, the way he'd frowned upon Rockfur being from ShadowClan. She did not want a mate that disliked others because of their heritage.

The way he treated Cherryfall when, at first, she'd been upset with Hollypetal. How he treated her now that she'd been training in the dark forest, even though she'd chosen ThunderClan over them. Him being so busy trying to stay away from her that he'd put himself in danger, resulting in others having to stay longer in the flooding camp, putting _everyone_ in danger. She did not want a mate that hateful towards anyone, _especially_ their own siblings, even after they'd redeemed themselves.

Finally, she thought about the way he treated her. His kind eyes, his happiness at her coming back from ShadowClan after nearly dying, how he'd been so excited to introduce her to the other apprentices at her first Gathering.

She didn't find any of it striking anything.

He could look kind at her, but that didn't make him kind.

He could be happy she didn't die, but surely _everyone_ was happy about that, even if they were out of sorts from all that had been revealed about her.

He could introduce her to others, but that didn't mean anything at all.

He had never been there when she needed someone. He had not talked to her at all about Petalpaw, never brought up the topic of her killing Crowfrost. He hadn't even cheered loudly at her warriors ceremony, had only waited until everyone else was cheering. He only ever went with the crowd.

She felt cold thinking about it, because asking her to be his mate was just another way of going along with everything that happened around him.

Hollypetal had been noticeable because she'd beaten a trained apprentice in a fight, because her father was her mentor, because she'd killed a menace while she was an apprentice.

He did not want to be her mate because he _loved_ her. He wanted to be her mate because she was _noticeable_.

The kindness in his eyes had never been anything more than kindness for his own benefit. It had never even been love. He was asking her to be his mate when he _didn't even love her._

She could feel herself trembling and stood with the sudden realization. She had truly, _truly_ thought that Molenose was her friend. She'd always thought of him that way. And what was she to him? A way to be popular? She regretted ever thinking about him as if she could ever be his mate. She could only think about how he'd tried to _manipulate_ her into loving him. It made her feel sick.

She'd considered him. She'd considered _Molenose_ as a _mate._

Disdainful Molenose. Hateful Molenose. Reckless Molenose. Uncaring Molenose. _Manipulative_ Molenose.

She did not want that. She did not want any of that to be her mate. A bully, a scorner, someone who would leave behind anyone for their own benefit, even their family.

She wanted to love someone who didn't care about where cats were born, who cherished their siblings, who wanted her to be happy so that she was _happy_ , not so that she'd think of them better.

And she felt her stomach dip and her paws gave out beneath her, because she was not in love with Molenose, couldn't be in love with him, because suddenly all she was doing was comparing him to Rainstrike.

* * *

 **She had to notice eventually.**

 **Anyway, that was a lot of stuff to happen, though thankfully nothing was as extreme as... earlier. What the heck was Petalpaw doing here though? That was supposed to be time for the cats that died in _battle_ Petalpaw, jeez. Up next is chapter eight, Thistle and Weeds, which features more of... the cats from this chapter, really.**

 **Mermaid1108: Thank you for reading! You've been on quite the rollercoaster of emotions, my friend.**

 **GardevoirLove4ever: But of course! And luckily, I don't even plan on killing that kit! That sounds too specific. I don't plan on killing any kits. And thank you once more for reviewing, my lovely!**

 **The Renewed Trilogy: Book Three: Mad World  
Chapter Seven: Breathe Into Me  
Word count (excluding A/N): 3,406  
Character count (excluding A/N): 19,037  
Song: RED – Breathe Into Me  
Started: January 17** **th** **, 2016. 11:43PM.  
Finished: January 19** **th** **, 2016. 2:06AM. Edited: January 19** **th** **, 2016. 2:48AM.**


	9. Chapter Eight: Thistle and Weeds

Her brain kept rejecting the thought. There was no possible way that she could have fallen for _Rainstrike_. Rainstrike, who she'd bantered with as kits. Rainstrike, who poked fun at her at every opportunity. Rainstrike who—

made sure she ate? always made sure she was okay before anyone else? created a den especially for her? hid her away from the world when she needed a break?

She felt stupid. Rockfur had told her she wasn't paying attention, but how _little_ attention was baffling. ThunderClan thought they were mates because they were mates in all but name. She'd brushed off the comments like she usually did, but did Rainstrike even know that she hadn't thought of him that way? How could he possibly think any differently, with the way she treated him? They'd never talked about it, and it was astounding to her to think that he had never asked.

Rainstrike wasn't one to assume, but certainly he must have noticed—noticed _something_.

Despite everything, she couldn't help but get even more frustrated with Molenose. He was asking to be her mate when he knew that she already potentially had a mate.

She could have ripped her own fur out at her own cluelessness. Having a mate had never been something that stuck in her mind—Hollyleaf had made fun of her potentially getting one, but Hollypetal had simply wanted to concentrate on training. She did not need to look for a mate while Hollyleaf was still mourning her own.

And now what was she supposed to do? Head back to camp, curl up in her nest beside Rainstrike and continue acting oblivious? How could she possibly do that when she was already so easily embarrassed?

Rainstrike was too intuitive to be unaware of—whatever it was that was happening between them. He always noticed things way, way before she did. Was he just waiting for her to catch up?

More than anything, did she actually want to be his mate? Rainstrike liked to watch kits playing around camp, would even play moss-ball with them when he had the time. Kits had been another thing she'd never thought about wanting, having. She wouldn't be good at being a mother. She was too rough, her claws were always unsheathed. She'd been trained to kill, not to nurture. Rainstrike would want to have a family with whoever he chose to be with.

Great StarClan, she hadn't even finished her thought of wanting to be with Rainstrike before jumping to if he wanted to be with _her_. Which, she realized, was an answer itself. Her thoughts hadn't been anything like this about Molenose, so disorganized and frantic. She'd just sat there, thinking of everything he wasn't and Rainstrike was.

She'd been brought out to think about Molenose, but suddenly the reason she was staying out was to avoid Rainstrike. She couldn't face him after this. He always knew what she was thinking, would immediately know that she was looking at him differently. But she couldn't avoid him either, because the longer she stayed out of camp, the more likely he was to come looking for her.

Surely, if she listened closely, she would be able to hear him coming already.

She just about ran when she strained her ears and heard the sound of twigs crackling under paws. He was already heading her way and if she ran he'd just keep following her, and he'd hear her running.

Her paws trembled but she wouldn't let them take her away, accepting her fate of having to face Rainstrike.

"Molenose came back without you, so I wanted to make sure you were fine," he meowed as greeting.

She felt absurdly offended. "I could take Molenose in a fight."

"Well, yes," he agreed. "But Molenose hates me and I didn't want to talk to him anyway."

She felt heat crawl through her pelt. Molenose hated Rainstrike because they were so close, she'd known that, but it suddenly made more sense than ever. "I think easier out here."

He snorted. "Think? Don't you do enough of that _in_ camp? Let's go back."

"I'm not ready," she blurted, "to go back to camp yet."

Rainstrike padded to her side, but she couldn't move her head to look at him. If she moved too much, she'd run.

"What did Molenose want this time?"

She could hear leaves stirring as his tail swished through them. The question felt heavy, even though it shouldn't have. Nothing had changed. "He wanted to talk about being mates."

The leaves stopped rustling as his tail stilled. "Oh. I, uh... I thought you already rejected him," he meowed awkwardly.

"I did," she admitted. "But he told me it wasn't fair to reject him without actually considering it."

"Oh," he said again, tone dry. "So you're considering it."

She paused for a moment, thinking once more about Molenose. She was entirely sure she'd never be mates with him, but perhaps she was jumping to too many conclusions about him with too little proof. "Do you think Molenose loves me?" she asked.

Rainstrike's tail flicked once more, but his response held no hesitation, as if he'd come to his conclusion ages ago. "I think Molenose _thinks_ he's in love with you."

She nodded. "I don't think he loves me either."

Rainstrike flicked his tail against her pelt. "So if you have your answer, let's head back."

She felt a bubble of panic rise in her throat and burst out, "Ah, no, I'll stay here tonight." She wasn't ready to sleep next to Rainstrike again, and going back to camp with a tom that wasn't Molenose felt rude. She hadn't rejected him yet – no need to hurt him more by going back with Rainstrike.

"You'll get sick if you stay out here. It's cold." His tail thumped against her side again.

"A better result than heading back with you," she replied without thinking. There was a long silence between the two of them as her words sunk into them both, and she felt her pelt grow even hotter. She jumped to her paws suddenly, feeling increasingly stupid. "That...that came out wrong."

When she turned to finally face him, she was relieved to find an expression of amusement crossing his face.

"I'd certainly say so," he agreed.

"I... don't want to head back to camp yet," she finished lamely.

He nodded, her accidental insult apparently having appeased him. "Goodnight."

* * *

The ThunderClan camp was always noisy. This was not a _bad_ thing, but it was distracting and Hollypetal couldn't concentrate easily with the constant nearby gossip reaching her ears.

"Did you hear that Bumblestripe and Dovewing broke up?"

"WindClan is still coming a bit too close to our border..."

"Apparently Molenose asked Hollypetal to be mates and got rejected."

She found her eyes trailing across camp, to where Molenose was leaving with a hunting patrol. He didn't look sad. He hadn't seemed very upset when she'd told him no, seemed more irritated than anything. He hadn't tried to talk to her since. She wasn't sure if she was relieved or angry at him.

Rainstrike was by the fresh-kill pile, sharing a large mouse with Froststep. He was also not talking to her, but that was on her. She kept tripping over herself when she was near him. He'd seemed to take a hint that she needed space to think, and made his time with her short. It was lonely, but necessary for her to be able to think properly. Rainstrike was not a current priority.

Her current priority was Jayfeather, who was out looking for herbs. She was sitting at the medicine cats den entrance with Briarlight, waiting for him to return.

Briarlight was friendly. Hollypetal liked Briarlight. She could hardly concentrate on her chattering over all the other voices and her own thoughts.

"Are you sure you don't want to tell me what's wrong? I know a surprising amount of herb knowledge," Briarlight insisted.

"Oh," she said absently, "it's more of something I should talk to Jayfeather about."

"Alright," she meowed agreeably. "Now would be the time to talk to him. He's still happy about getting the stick back."

Hollypetal jumped to her feet as Jayfeather entered camp. "Bye!" she said quickly, then darted to intercept Jayfeather before he could start heading to his den. She stopped in front of him and he looked immediately bored. "I want to go to the Moonpool," she informed him.

His tail flicked irritably. "If StarClan has anything to say to you, they'll come see you."

"That's why I want to go," she snapped impatiently. "Petalpaw was at the Gathering, and she motioned for me to go over to her, and then she disappeared!"

Jayfeather pawed at the herbs he'd brought back. She wanted to hit him at how he was acting so inconvenienced. He sighed. "Go ask Bramblestar if you can while I take these herbs to my den," he instructed.

He was already picking up his herbs, so she darted to Bramblestar's den, hoping he was in. Bramblestar hated to be idle.

"Bramblestar?" she called at the den's entrance.

"Come in."

She let out a quiet breath of relief as she entered his den, blinking in the dimness.

"What is it, Hollypetal?" Bramblestar asked. There was a half eaten bird beside him and she realized she hadn't eaten. She was too nervous to anyway.

"I want Jayfeather to take me to the Moonpool," she answered confidently.

He blinked slowly. "Do you think we're in danger?"

She shook her head. "No. There's just something I need to do."

He nodded, thinking it through.

She intended to go whether he agreed or not. All she had to do was follow the river at WindClan's border. She suspected that he knew she would go no matter what.

He nodded again, faster, firmer. "Alright. Try to be back before the moon rises."

She nodded and barely had time to see his tail flick dismissively before she was darting out of the den, back to the medicine cat's den, and practically running Jayfeather over. "We can go," she huffed.

His ears flattened at her abrupt reappearance. "Let's go then," he murmured, flicking his tail at her.

She started to run out again, to meet him by the entrance of camp, but she rammed straight into Rainstrike instead.

"Ow," he said evenly. "Where are you going in such a hurry?"

She went around him so Jayfeather could leave the den. "Moonpool," she answered shortly.

His ears perked. "You're going to the Moonpool? Why?"

"I... don't know," she meowed haltingly then frowned when he looked amused. "I have my reasons!"

"I would imagine so," he rumbled. "Will you be fine with just you two?"

Jayfeather snorted dismissively. "I'd like to see someone try and hurt a medicine cat!" His claws gleamed in the sunlight, but Hollypetal did not find him intimidating in the least.

Rainstrike didn't seem to either. "Okay. I'll see you when you get back."

He flicked his tail against her side, but she was already running to the entrance once more. "Come on," she said loudly back to Jayfeather. "I want to be there as soon as possible."

His ears flattened again, and his eyes blazed impatiently, but his paws were moving quicker. She tried to keep a fast pace as they headed to the river, scolding Jayfeather whenever he slowed down, running ahead when he would start to slow. It had already been days since the Gathering – Petalpaw needed to see her as soon as possible, and she was hardly going to complain about that. She would keep her complaints to Jayfeather's slow paw-steps.

"We're almost there," Jayfeather wheezed behind her. She was pushing him, but he would have to deal with that.

"That little cave thing?" she asked. It didn't seem very majestic, but it didn't have to, she supposed.

"That's it," he agreed.

"What do I do when I get there?" she fired off as soon as he'd confirmed her assumption.

"Drink the water and go to sleep."

"Okay!" She took off ahead of him again, hearing him hiss lowly behind her. She almost tripped into the water, but managed to skid to a halt with only one paw slipping in. Without waiting for Jayfeather, she lapped up a mouthful of water and settled down, closing her eyes.

She lay there for a few moments before irritation pulsed through her. This unimpressive pool was not working! She was getting ready to snap at Jayfeather about it when a voice cut through her thoughts.

"You weren't supposed to come here."

She jumped to her paws and whirled around. She was no longer at the riverside, no longer with Jayfeather. Petalpaw sat a few fox-lengths away from her, her tail wrapped neatly around her paws.

She could barely breathe out her sisters name. "Petalpaw..."

Petalpaw stood and stretched and flicked her tail, the same gesture that she'd used at the Gathering. _Follow me._

Hollypetal scrambled after her as her sister turned and started walking. "Petalpaw," she said again.

"How are you?" Petalpaw asked, finding words a lot easier than Hollypetal was.

"I'm—I'm—why wasn't I supposed to come?" she sputtered.

Petalpaw frowned. "I wanted you to, don't get me wrong. StarClan didn't want you to come here, really. Thought it would be better for you if you didn't."

She shook her head. "What? Why? I don't... I never..."

"They didn't want you to use them to cope," she explained. "A normal warrior can't just come visiting because they're sad, you know?"

She thought quickly of Dustpelt. "Is Dustpelt here? Is he okay?"

Petalpaw's tail curled over her and she purred. "Of course he's okay! He's with Ferncloud all the time, and their kits." She bounded forward a few steps, and Hollypetal realized they had reached another pool, a bit smaller than the Moonpool. "But how are you?" Petalpaw asked again, coming to a stop and looking back at Hollypetal intently.

"I'm...I don't know." She blinked rapidly. "Confused. Nervous. Always nervous."

Petalpaw nodded, looking into the pool at her feet. Hollypetal could see figures of cats in it but couldn't make out who. "These pools let us see into your world," she offered. "Hollyleaf watches you a lot."

Her throat tightened with sudden emotion. Thinking about Hollyleaf always hurt, so she tried not to. In StarClan, she suspected it would be fine to think of her. Here, she was alive. "How is Hollyleaf?"

"She's adjusted." Petalpaw batted the water. "She was really scared when she first got here, suddenly being separated from you. She'd always be at a pool."

She swallowed the lump in her throat.

"She was really ecstatic about Rainstrike." There was a hint of a smirk on Petalpaw's face and she suddenly wanted to dunk her sister into the pool of water.

"We aren't talking about Rainstrike," she huffed. "You know what's been happening with me, but I don't know what's been happening with—anyone here. Is Hollyleaf with Scorchfur?"

She nodded. "Yes. When I realized you were coming here, I made sure Hollyleaf wasn't watching you."

"What?" She asked, dumbfounded. Certainly Petalpaw _knew_ that she wanted to see Hollyleaf, right?

"Hollyleaf isn't well," Petalpaw replied, her eyes flicking back up to meet Hollypetal's once more.

Panic welled up inside of her, filling her chest until she thought it would explode. "Why wouldn't Hollyleaf be well? She's in StarClan. You can't get sick here, right?"

"It depends on your definition of sick."

She felt herself trembling but couldn't stop it. In the pool, she could see an image of Rockfur, resting next to the fresh-kill pile. He still looked too thin, and he didn't seem to be paying attention to what his clan-mates were saying around him. She couldn't seem to respond, her throat tightening and tightening and tightening, and she felt so sick she thought she'd wake up just to be ill.

"I wanted to talk to you about Roseleaf," Petalpaw continued, eyes unblinking. "She didn't come to StarClan."

She let her paws give out beneath her, unwilling to even try to stay up. "I don't understand." She felt herself becoming hollow again, nothingness consuming her just as it had when Roseleaf had died, except not with sadness, just empty disbelief.

"No one here was preventing her from coming," Petalpaw replied. "StarClan was very willing to accept her. She just... didn't show up."

She was almost sure she would be sick, her stomach twisting with the urge to gag. She hadn't eaten anything, and now she was thankful.

"Since none of us prevented her arrival, that means she did it herself."

She tried to swallow but her mouth was too dry. The thought kept hitting her, over and over, _I shouldn't have come here_. "So then where is she?"

"StarClan has control over itself and the In-Between, and she didn't come to either one of those. The only place left is the Dark Forest."

She couldn't reply with no words, so she stared at Rockfur in the pool silently.

"That's why you weren't supposed to come," Petalpaw answered at last. "Because StarClan didn't want to involve you. They think that Roseleaf will come here on her own."

She blinked back the wetness in her eyes. "Then why am I here?"

Petalpaw touched the surface of the water again, and the scene changed to Jayfeather sitting beside her sleeping body. "Because I don't think Roseleaf will be able to bring herself here on her own."

 **This chapter was hard to write for some reason. Bleh. Y'all didn't think that when I said 'Roseleaf subplot' I just meant her death, did you? That's far too short and painless! Next chapter should come easier. It has another scene I've had planned since mid-Wind's Nocturne. The ending of it will make you go "are you actually shitting me right now?" so there's that to look forward to.**

 **Next chapter is—Chapter Nine: Blood On My Hands**

 **GardevoirLove4ever: I figure just writing little notes in the AN will be easier than having a thousand PMs. Also, I'm very glad you liked the last sentence. It was actually written prior to the rest of the chapter. I was writing chapter notes and suddenly went I KNOW HOW I WANT HOLLYPETAL TO REALIZE RAINSTRIKE IS THE BEST. I sorta had to centre the rest of the chapter in a way to arrive at that exact sentence. Originally the line was shorter. My notes say "She felt her stomach dip, because she wasn't in love with him, she couldn't be in love with him, because she was comparing him to Rainstrike." but when I wrote it in it got longer.**

 **The Renewed Trilogy: Book Three: Mad World  
Chapter Eight: Thistle and Weeds  
Word count (excluding A/N): 2,955  
Character count (excluding A/N): 16,549  
Song: Mumford & Sons – Thistle and Weeds  
Started: January 21** **th** **, 2016. 12:18AM.  
Finished: January 24** **th** **, 2016. 3:28AM. Edited: January 24th** **th** **, 2016. 4:00AM.**


	10. Chapter Nine: Blood On My Hands

Hollypetal knew anger.

She knew the anger of fear, the anger of betrayal, the anger of unfairness.

Nothing could compare the the fury coursing through her now, a combination of all angers, burning through her veins and staining everything red.

The fear of Roseleaf being in the Dark Forest combined with the betrayal and unfairness of StarClan, a Clan that was meant to _protect_ the others. The idea of them leaving someone like Roseleaf to fend for herself in the Dark Forest pressed against all of her emotions, smothering them and leaving only room for the fury of it all.

She had assumed that Roseleaf would have went straight to StarClan, joined her family and mate, but instead she'd gone to the rotting forest that was almost empty, that had once contained the cat that had killed her parents.

This fury was recognizable only because she'd felt it every time she saw Crowfrost. A fury that blanketed everything and only left one thought, one emotion over everything. _Bloodlust._

She was breathing through her mouth, cold air filling her lungs and leaving as hot as flames, a force of destruction.

Jayfeather was behind her a few steps, and it would be so _easy_ to kill him. It would take only seconds. She'd turn around and bite his neck and that would be it, he would be dead. It would be that easy. Jayfeather was practically _helpless_ , and he _trusted_ her. It would be so easy to destroy him.

The blood pulsing through her veins was too fast and was urging her to do it, to just kill him, to kill everyone that ever appeared in front of her ever again. It was what she'd been trained to do after all, to defeat, to kill, to conquer. She could crush ThunderClan with one paw.

She could destroy all the Clans, one paw for each of them, and then she could destroy StarClan like she should have done in the first place.

She thought about it, about turning and ending Jayfeather's life right there. Afterword, she'd wait for the dawn patrol. It would consist of only three, maybe four cats, probably one apprentice. It wouldn't be hard to kill them either. They'd be too surprised to attack her back properly and she knew of nothing but how to spread blood across the ground.

She wouldn't do it, of course, but it was there, burning hotter and hotter, the desire to destroy everything she had bothered to save in the first place.

The madness felt like it would eat her alive. She felt like she was breathing in ice and breathing out fire, and who knew if the next gust of wind would snuff her out or spread her across the lands, destroying everything in it's—her—path.

It would be better that way, if she just screamed out her fire until the heavens fell and there was nothing left in the world to break or create. She wished Crowfrost was alive, just so she could kill him again and again and again, once for every cat he had killed, once for every cat he had hurt, once for every cat he planned on hurting or killing, until she had no fight left in her and then he could kill her, finally, just as he had wanted to.

"Do you want some herbs to help you sleep?" Jayfeather asked, trying to keep up with her.

She could smell nervousness, fear, coming off him in waves. He clearly knew exactly how she was feeling. Or maybe he didn't, since he'd actually _approached_ her while she was in such a tizzy.

She wanted to yell at him, but her answer was simple. "No." Her voice sounded wrong, like rumbling, distant thunder.

His ears flattened and she wanted to laugh. Bitter, angry Jayfeather, scared of his _niece._ He had to know better, didn't he? She'd thought it, but she wouldn't do it, she'd never kill him. But she could understand how Crowfrost had killed so many now, because she felt like she'd never be satisfied until the land was stained crimson forever.

But there was no one to kill, not anymore. Her destiny was over and StarClan had thrown her aside to fend for herself now that they didn't need her anymore. StarClan, the hope of the Clans, not even willing to send help after Roseleaf, a cat that had known nothing but misery and was only experiencing more and more by the day.

StarClan didn't _deserve_ Roseleaf. But Roseleaf deserved what she'd find there.

The thought sent her mind back to spinning, made her want to fall right back down and just stop, stop everything, stop the world so she wouldn't have to feel anything ever again.

No amount of destruction would ever save Roseleaf. Only action would do that.

They were almost at camp, and Jayfeather took off ahead of her, probably not wanting to spend any longer with her than he had. She couldn't blame him. She'd almost bit his head off, after all.

She headed to the warriors den, all fight leaving her body and replacing it with a defeated tiredness.

Last time she had been to the Dark Forest, she had been summoned there. Tomorrow she would talk to Ivypool about how to get there again. Now all she wanted was sleep without dreams.

Rainstrike lifted his head as she settled into their nest, blinking at her tiredly. She blinked back at him, not wanting to talk. She could have very easily scratched his eyes out if she'd tried.

She curled into herself. He leaned forward and licked her head once before going back to sleep, and suddenly all the anger and destruction inside of her felt silly. She could never hurt her clan-mates, her family, her friends. She could never hurt Rainstrike like that.

* * *

Ivypool was beside the fresh-kill pile with Blossomfall. She looked relaxed. There was no reason for her to think about the Dark Forest any longer. Hollypetal felt bad even thinking about bringing up the topic with her, but she needed to know how to get there, if she even could anymore.

She flattened her ears uncomfortably, her tail tip twitching. She wanted to thank Ivypool again for helping her the first time she had gone to the Dark Forest, but it wasn't a pleasant memory, and certainly it wasn't a good conversation topic. There was no one else to ask though, none that were as highly viewed as Ivypool at the Dark Forest. If there was anyone to ask, it was her.

She bit her tongue and got to her paws, inching slowly towards the she-cats. Ivypool's neck had finally healed and she was sharing tongues with Blossomfall peacefully. She hated the idea of interrupting the two, but she needed to get to the Dark Forest no matter what.

Ivypool noticed her approaching and sat up, her eyes brightening curiously. Blossomfall yawned and licked her muzzle sleepily. "Good morning," Ivypool greeted.

Blossomfall yawned again and flicked her tail. "Morning, Hollypetal."

She nodded, feeling her ears flatten again. "Good morning. I, uh, was wondering if I could talk to Ivypool about something..." She glanced nervously towards the entrance to camp. It would certainly not be a good idea to talk about going to the Dark Forest within the space – who knew who would hear what?

Ivypool stood and stretched. "Sure. Did you want to go for a walk?"

She nodded, trying to make her ears lift, but couldn't seem to manage.

Ivypool flicked her tail against Blossomfall's nose, making the pretty she-cat sneeze. "I'll be back in a bit, and then we can go hunting," she told her, eyes glittering playfully when Blossomfall's eyes narrowed.

"I'll be waiting here," Blossomfall mewed, resting her head on her paws and watching as Hollypetal and Ivypool turned to leave.

Ivypool waited until they were a few fox-lengths out of camp before asking, "So what is it you need?"

Hollypetal glanced over her shoulder and watched the camp disappear behind trees as she kept walking. "First, I just wanted to thank you again. For getting me out of the Dark Forest," she added quietly.

Ivypool flicked her ear. "Of course. I had no idea Tigerstar was... going to do any of that." She breathed in deeply. "I guess he was trying to stop you before you stopped Crowfrost."

She nodded agreeably. "Something like that. I think he wanted to force Hollyleaf to stay there. I'm not sure – it was hard to understand." She cleared her throat and swallowed. "I also needed to ask... how do you get into the Dark Forest?"

Ivypool's head twisted to look at her, eyes shocked. "Do you want to go back?" she asked uncertainly.

Hollypetal nodded, feeling her stomach clench with guilt. "I... I need to look for something," she explained. _Rather, someone._ She wasn't going to tell anyone that Roseleaf was in the Dark Forest. No one needed to know except her. She couldn't bear to hurt Rockfur with this, at least not yet, and she couldn't tell anyone before him.

Ivypool stopped and sat, her eyes far away. Minutes passed, all silent as Ivypool considered her answer. Hollypetal didn't know what she would do if Ivypool didn't have one.

Eventually she sighed. "The only way I ended up there—that wasn't being called there—was wanting to be there. It... you had to _really_ want to be there though. I don't know if it will work with you, because I was training there and it felt natural going. I can only tell you to try going there. There isn't really anything specific that I know of."

She shuffled her paws anxiously. She _didn't_ want to go to the Dark Forest, not at all, not ever again. But if that's what it would take to save Roseleaf, then...

She felt her resolve solidify. She would do anything to save Roseleaf – of course she would. She couldn't let the Dark Forest stop her, fear or no fear. Roseleaf needed her. She couldn't let her suffer any longer than she already had.

"I'll get there," she said firmly. "Thanks again, Ivypool. I know it's dangerous there, but it's really important."

She nodded, eyes grim. "I know. It would have to be, for you to want to go back there." She brushed her tail across Hollypetal's pelt as the two turned back towards the camp. "Be careful, Hollypetal."

* * *

 _The Dark Forest smelled like rotting trees. It always had, really, but it had been spattered with the smell of cats, too. Now there was almost nothing to scent over the overpowering fungus that seemed to have spread everywhere._

 _Hollypetal had awoken in the spot she'd last been in in the Dark Forest. She could pick out the tree she'd fallen with, though now it seemed to be melting into the ground, shattering slowly into mouldy dust._

 _She sucked in a sharp breath, trying to make out the scent of cat somewhere, anywhere. She knew that most of the Dark Forest had been wiped out, but certainly there had to be someone, maybe someone who had seen Roseleaf. Maybe Roseleaf herself. She did not want to wander through the Dark Forest aimlessly. She had no idea how long it continued for, but she couldn't imagine it ending with anything good._

 _She tasted the air again before starting away from the old training grounds, heading in the direction she was almost sure she had come from, her visit there. She couldn't follow any trails this time, couldn't ask Rainpaw—Rainstrike—where to go. She would have to travel by herself, without proper direction._

 _She could feel yesterdays sting of anger rise into her chest again. StarClan really wouldn't help her with this, wouldn't help Roseleaf with this. The betrayal burned her throat, fighting to be screamed out once more, but she swallowed it down. There was no reason to draw attention to herself, not when she was somewhere with so many dangerous cats. She could've taken down Jayfeather, certainly, but who knew what sort of horrors awaited her in such a dark place?_

 _She opened her mouth again, once more trying to pick out a scent that didn't blend in with the mold. She stopped as she reached the rock she'd knocked Darkstripe into, sighing deeply. She'd finished travelling the small area she'd known, and now she was going to have to break off from the familiar and search further from reality than she wanted to go._

 _Fear stung her paws with every step, and she wasn't sure she'd be able to hear a potential threat over the sound of her own frantic breathing and fluttering heartbeat. Rationally, she knew that she didn't need to be scared. Her real fear was running into Crowfrost, but he was dead, twice dead even. But places like the Dark Forest knew no rationality, didn't have to, because it was a force of nature itself. It created it's own rules._

 _But it hadn't seemed to bring back any of the Dark Forest warriors she had seen die at the battle. Certainly, if they were here, they would have attacked her already. She knew Tigerstar wanted her dead. She wasn't supposed to live, not a cat that was saving others._

 _She stopped as she finally picked up the faint scent of ShadowClan. It had to be Roseleaf. Surely no one else could have retained that specific scent for longer than Roseleaf had been there._

 _She shuddered as she followed the scent. It had to be Roseleaf. There was no one else it could be. But she kept thinking about Crowfrost's narrowed blue eyes, chips of ice in the dark, staring her down, waiting for the perfect moment to strike her down forever._

 _But when her eyes met another pair, they were green, leaf green, Hollyleaf green, and she stopped again as she felt her breath leave her in a painfully sharp gasp._

 _Roseleaf blinked at her, pelt ragged and still too thin, her eyes the same hollow they'd been when Hollypetal had seen her at ShadowClan's camp._

 _She was resting on a dead log, one that must have been more recent of a fall, because it wasn't disappearing into the ground, and her eyes stayed on Hollypetal for a few moments before she lifted her head, blinking drowsily. "Hollypetal," she meowed slowly, "what are you doing here?"_

 _She felt her paws shudder and tried to stifle it from spreading across the rest of her body. She felt like she was swallowing sand, and she ducked her head as she answered, "Looking for you."_

 _She blinked again, eyes still moving painfully slowly. "Oh, Hollypetal," she sighed. "Don't you know by now I don't need your help?"_

 _She allowed the next passing shudder to shake her to her core. She knew Roseleaf didn't want her help, didn't want her attention, she'd started making that blatantly clear after they'd become warriors, but all of it still felt like a thorn to the heart. "You're supposed to be in StarClan."_

 _Roseleaf looked bored, like she expected Hollypetal to be smarter than she was acting. "Hollypetal," she repeated, like she was tasting the name for the first time. She looked bemused. "It must be nice to walk between worlds as easily as you do."_

 _Hollypetal flattened her ears._

 _Roseleaf's eyes glazed over. "Walking between the living, walking between the angels, walking between the demons." She smiled, but it was cold, amused yet unamused. "Walking between the In-Between." Her smile dropped quickly. "It must be nice to be able to have everyone."_

 _She clenched her jaw. "Roseleaf, you're supposed to be in StarClan."_

 _Roseleaf's face furrowed before she yawned. Her head rested back on her paws. "That's wrong."_

 _She flinched. "You didn't do anything wrong. There isn't any_ reason _for you to be here, so please,_ please, _Roseleaf, let's go there."_

 _Roseleaf sat up and stretched. "You sound like Rockfur," she mused, "trying to force me back to camp. Well, that didn't work out so well, did it?" When Hollypetal remained silent, she flicked her ear. "I'm not going to StarClan. I can't."_

 _This was not the truth. She swallowed through the sand once more. "Why not?"_

 _Her eyes started to glaze over once more before she blinked and refocused. "Because honourable warriors aren't allowed to kill innocent cats, and I killed one."_

 _She closed her eyes and the feeling was there again. The feeling that she shouldn't have come, should've left Roseleaf alone like Roseleaf kept trying to make her do. But she couldn't. She couldn't let Roseleaf slip away from her._ But she's already gone, _she heard her mind hiss to her._ Maybe she was never really here at all.

 _She flattened her ears briefly. Roseleaf had lived. Roseleaf had been real. She couldn't let Roseleaf run her off. StarClan was waiting for her. Hollyleaf was waiting for her._

 _She scratched her tongue against her teeth before daring to ask. "Who did you kill, Roseleaf?"_

 _She left her eyes closed, and she thought she would be ready to accept whatever Roseleaf had done. Roseleaf was not evil. She was not an evil cat, she had never been. She would take everything Roseleaf had to offer, and she'd send her to StarClan._

 _But she and her dream shattered to nothing but molding dust, because the answer was not acceptable, was not true, was not right, it was a lie, but how could she save Roseleaf if she truly thought that her answer was the truth?_

"Myself."

* * *

 **My notes said to make Hollypetal mad. Then she got really mad and almost blew the world up. My bad. Hollypetal has this problem in which she only views herself as a destructive force waiting to blow up, so sometimes she just becomes this way. (On a brighter note, I changed my avatar to a picture of one of my cats looking stupid.)**

 **GardevoirLove4ever: I was going to tell you not to be scared but that seems inappropriate after Hollypetal got so mad. Also after Roseleaf. Just in general it seems like it isn't the right time to see not to be scared.**

 **Featherfall's Lullaby: I'm really glad you're enjoying the trilogy! I'm not sure how I feel about the first two, especially the first book, but I'm really enjoying Mad World. I think I've sorta finally found my style of writing, and this trilogy is what made me find it. I'm glad people can still enjoy the first book since it's a few years old now when I read it I get embarrassed because of all the mistakes. Anyway. Thank you very much for your thoughtful review!**

 **The Renewed Trilogy: Book Three: Mad World  
Chapter Nine: Blood On My Hands  
Word count (excluding A/N): 2,925  
Character count (excluding A/N): 16,394  
Song: The Used – Blood On My Hands  
Started: January 26** **th** **, 2016. 12:05AM.  
Finished: January 28** **th** **, 2016. 2:00AM. Edited: January 28th** **th** **, 2016. 3:49AM.**


	11. Chapter Ten: Downfall

The remains of the dream scattered before her very eyes and she was in the warriors den, but she wouldn't be for much longer. She scrambled to her paws, nearly tripping over Rainstrike as he sat up, blinking wildly. She moved passed him as he hissed her name, leaving the den and unwilling to speak. If she opened her mouth now, she'd scream the world apart, destroy everything and everyone.

So she let out a low growl, deep from her stomach, and she heard his paw-steps falter behind her, but only for a heartbeat, and then he was following her again, whispering her name through the dark.

She stalked passed Sparrowflight on guard duty, who perked his ears at her sudden appearance. "Hollypetal? Where are you going?"

She did not stop to answer, just kept walking. She did not want to talk, did not need to talk, she needed to _do_ something, something to ease her fear or calm the fire rekindling within her. There was nothing to do now, though, no way she could save Roseleaf, not from herself, not from the Dark Forest.

It was not the truth, what she had answered. Roseleaf had not killed herself. Hollypetal had witnessed first hand the surprise and horror on her face as she'd plunged into the dark water, she'd seen her paws fighting the current, but it didn't matter what the _truth_ was if Roseleaf believed it to be a different way.

She changed directions, heading back to the ShadowClan border. She would go back to where Roseleaf had died, find some sort of evidence that Roseleaf's death had been a horrible accident. She couldn't think of a single thing that could've been left as evidence, but there had to be something, something, anything, to disprove Roseleaf's claim to suicide.

Except behind her she could hear paw-steps chasing her down, closing in. She turned, face twisting into a vicious snarl, claws shooting out to fight off whoever had bothered following her, but she was not prepared to see Sparrowflight's defiant face.

She hesitated, growl faltering in her throat. She'd been expecting Rainstrike, had been ready to cuff him over the head until he backed off, but Sparrowflight was an entirely different enemy. Rainstrike knew her, knew when she needed space, knew when to back down. Sparrowflight knew nothing about her except her grief of Petalpaw and Roseleaf.

"Go away," she spat at last, tail bushing out behind her. He was the last cat she wanted to see.

His own tail swished through the brush behind him, but he kept his gaze steady on her, his voice even. "We should go back to camp. If you don't feel well, you can see Jayfeather."

She hissed and turned away from him, readying herself to stalk away from him, but he appeared in front of her, eyes flashing irritably. She hissed again. "I'm fine. I don't need Jayfeather." Her paws itched to attack him, but she only walked passed him.

Then he was pushing himself in front of her again, and she could see it in him, blowing over him, around him. He was a gust of wind, and she was nothing but fire, sparking, sparking, igniting.

Ablaze.

"What do you want from me?" she screeched, ears flattening to her head and flames eating away at her paws. "Haven't you seen me suffer enough? Aren't you ever satisfied? You won, you did it, you beat me at life! You're a trusted warrior and I'm suffering alone in the dust, just like you wanted." Her muscles strained as she waited for him to snap back, to laugh at her finally, because she was losing everything she'd cared about and that was just what he had wanted to see happen to her.

His eyes were wide with surprise, and he couldn't feel the flames licking at his pelt, but that was okay, because he would feel her claws.

She lunged at him before he could answer her. She did not need his answer, did not want it. She'd seen enough of his leering face when she was an apprentice; she could still feel his paw pressing down on her throat as he'd considered killing her during training. She would throw all of his malicious intents right back to him and take him down where he stood.

Once upon a time, he had been her brother. But now, standing above him, claws drawing blood from his sides, she could only see an enemy.

This fight was different than their others, though – she was the aggressor and he was dodging her swipes without making any of his own. He was dancing through the flames as if they did not exist, because to him they did not, and she hated him even more for it.

So she howled and lunged once more, the fire matching her speed as she hit him and she was on top of him once more and finally the flames were engulfing him and he screeched as she sunk her teeth into the pad of his paw and jerked it back.

And that was all she needed to do. She jumped away from him, out of the fire, and ran, because now he would not be able to chase her. She would leave the fire behind to burn him alive, and she would no longer have to worry about Sparrowflight at all.

There was nothing left of the fight except her pumping legs and smoke pouring out of her lungs with every breath, but it was okay, because she was away from the danger now. She knew where she had to go now – the stream. Water to quell the fire, to stop it from reaching her once more.

So she ran until she was flying over the water, landing and stumbling onto the other side, and then she ran more, because she could never put enough distance between her and that all consuming anger that threatened to control her every move.

She ran until her paws gave out beneath her and she crumbled to the ground, gasping and tired, and then finally asleep.

* * *

When she awoke, there was no fire or water. Her lungs and legs ached and her mouth had never felt so dry, but she didn't know where she was.

She sat up, blinking in confusion. She could hear the stream somewhere in the distance, but she did not want to drink out of the water that Roseleaf had died in. She felt like she could've fallen asleep again at any moment, and when she got to her paws, they ached dully. She appeared to have fallen asleep near a twoleg fence and she stared at the wood blandly, still blinking back her bleariness.

She finally started walking, each step sending a throb of pain up her leg, but she did not want to remain still where twolegs could potentially find her.

She followed the side of the fence until she could no longer hear the sound of the steam, then found the nearest bush and let herself collapse into it. It only took moments for her to fall back into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

 **Why is my writing so weird? In case it's hard to understand, there isn't actually a fire. Hollypetal is just sorta losing it and once more is viewing her emotions as, well, destruction. And so she left her anger back with Sparrowflight to burn him alive, but there isn't any fire, just her anger to leave Sparrowflight wounded and probably very much annoyed at losing the fight.**

 **It still sounds confusing. The fire isn't real. Hollypetal is angry. Sparrowflight will be fine once he gets his paw checked. He did not actually burn alive, as much as that would've been interesting. Hollypetal views herself as the fire that will destroy the clans, if you will. Also, yes, she was heading the opposite direction of the stream, and as such the opposite direction back to the clans. Oh well.**

 **This chapter is super short. Huh. Well, it wasn't really meant to be long and I feel too crappy to continue writing right now anyway. Sorry the update was later than usual. Bad things come in threes, and boy did they happen. I'm tired.**

 **The Renewed Trilogy: Book Three: Mad World  
Chapter Ten: Downfall  
Word count (excluding A/N): 1,196  
Character count (excluding A/N): 6,437  
Song: Trust Company – Downfall  
Started: January 30** **th** **, 2016. 12:05AM.  
Finished: February 3** **rd** **, 2016. 2:55AM. Edited: February 3** **rd** **, 2016. 3:08AM.**


	12. Chapter Eleven: A Beautiful Indifference

She was walking again, and she couldn't tell if she was dreaming or actually awake. There was a numbness clouding her brain that didn't feel like anything at all, and she kept following the fence, because it was straight and leading her away from her problems. Sometimes a dog on the other side of the fence would bark and snarl at her through the wooden planks, but she felt no need to run. There was no break in the long fence that they could get through, and so she continued forward, blinking only when fuzziness clouded her vision. It did not feel real, so she felt no need to stop and turn back.

In the distance, the sun was rising. She didn't know how long she'd been away from ThunderClan, how long she'd run, how long she'd slept. She supposed this also did not matter. It mattered even less if it was not real.

Up ahead, she could see the end of the fencing. She wasn't sure what she was going to do when she reached it – keep walking forward, turn back, or round the corner and continue to follow it until she fell asleep again. When she finally reached it, she stopped in her tracks. She'd been about to turn and follow the fence, but she could see that not far ahead of it was a thunderpath. That would've explained the loud growling noises she'd chosen to ignore, but it did stop her from continuing in that direction.

Irritated at the interruption, she continued forward passed the break in the fences until she reached some brush just large enough for her to duck into. It was mostly dead and brown, probably drowned from the storm, but it just made her harder to see. She watched as occasionally a monster would pass by, staying on the path and letting out sounds that were indeed thunder-like. They did not seem as dangerous as she'd assumed they'd be – twoleg kits were playing on it, kicking something back and forth between them, but they moved aside any time a monster approached, and the monster would slow down while passing them. Maybe monsters did not like cats.

Her stomach growled, but she closed her eyes instead of trying to hunt. Surely all the prey would be scared off by the passing monsters anyway. She could not smell anything over the rancid stench coming from the thunderpath, and when she thought about trying to hunt it only felt irritating. She would eat when she was hungry enough to bother. She rested until she grew bored, and then she continued watching the passing monsters until she was bored again, and then she crawled out from the dead undergrowth and stretched.

She did not know how to continue now. She couldn't just walk forever, but she found herself heading back to the fence regardless. Maybe there would be something more interesting on the other side.

"Hollypetal? Is that you?"

She blinked and felt her forehead furrow in confusion, because certainly she did not know anyone all the way out here. When she turned, she found herself facing a dark brown she-cat with bright amber eyes, and she stared for a few moments before she recognized Jessy.

She sat. "Jessy," she greeted. "I wasn't expecting to see you."

Jessy's tail swished behind her as she approached. "Shouldn't that be my line? You're pretty far out of ThunderClan's territory. Is everyone alright?"

She nodded slowly. "Yes. Yes, everyone is fine. We rebuilt the camp and Squirrelflight had her kits."

Jessy's tail started to curl over her back delightedly before confusion crossed her face once more. "But then why are you all the way out here?"

She felt her eyes glaze over as she struggled to remember why she had thought leaving was the best decision. "I don't know," she finally answered.

Jessy nodded, apparently finding this answer acceptable. "Well, you're welcome to stay with me, if you don't have a place to be." She purred. "Only right, since you let me stay with you."

Hollypetal had not had anything to do with that decision, but she didn't feel a need to criticize Jessy's kindness. She did not know where to go from here, anyhow. "Yes, please. I'd like that."

Jessy turned back towards the bushes where Hollypetal had just been. "I'm staying not too far from here," she explained, flicking her tail for Hollypetal to follow her. "I found a stray molly and her kit after I left, and I thought I'd help them out until the boy is old enough to not rely on her so much."

Hollypetal nodded her head distractedly as they continued through the thickening undergrowth. The smell of the thunderpath was starting to fade back into the smell of grass and trees, and it was delightfully easier to breathe.

"They're right up ahead," Jessy continued. "There's an old fox den that's been abandoned. The mother is called Ammy, and her son is Quigsly."

They were about the weirdest names Hollypetal had ever heard. She did not know what an Ammy was, nor did she know what a Quigsly was. Twoleg inventions, perhaps. She did not know what a Jessy was, either, in retrospect.

Jessy noticed her bemused expression and _mrrow_ ed with laughter. "I know you aren't used to these sorts of names, but they're quite common among non-clan cats."

She frowned. "But what do they mean?"

Jessy gave a weak shrug. "They don't mean anything, I don't think. They're just sounds to call someone."

Her frown deepened. She was glad of having a meaningful name, being named after two of her closest friends. She was suddenly aware that her identity was not her own, but other's, and wasn't sure what to do about the realization. Perhaps having a name such as Jessy or Ammy or Quigsly was good because it made you more unique; a lot of Clan cats shared similar names.

Jessy flicked her tail and ducked suddenly into a small hole hidden amongst the dying ferns. "Ammy?" she called quietly. She heard a mew of greeting in response to Jessy's call, and Jessy crawled further into the den. "I brought a guest."

Hollypetal followed as Jessy moved into the den. From further into the den, a fluffy grey she-cat stared at her bewilderedly. She had clearly not been expecting anyone but Jessy to appear. She felt suddenly like she was intruding and flattened her ears, crouching submissively. "It's nice to meet you."

Ammy eyed her for a long silent moment, assessing her, before she simply gave a small nod. "Good to meet you," she meowed back, tone still unsure. "Do you know Jessy?"

Jessy gave a quick nod. "This is Hollypetal. She's one of ThunderClan's warriors."

She seemed surprised again, but her ears perked curiously. "A clan cat? All the way out here?" She shifted, and Hollypetal saw her tail fall over the small lump sleeping at her stomach. "I thought you all lived by the lake."

She saw Jessy and Ammy share a look of shared interest. "Why _are_ you all the way out here?" Jessy finally asked.

Hollypetal remembered suddenly the fire overtaking her and Sparrowflight. It did not feel real, it felt like part of her dreaming, but she knew it was real. She would not have ended up here if it was not real. "I didn't want to be there anymore," she said after a few moments. The answer sounded flat and lame, but it was the truth.

Jessy's tail fluffed out rather abruptly. "What ever happened after you left before?"

For a few moments, Hollypetal didn't understand the question. Then she remembered that the last time she had seen Jessy had been right before Roseleaf had died. "Oh," she mewed dumbly. "When I went looking for Roseleaf." She felt bad when Jessy nodded eagerly. "Roseleaf died. That's why I left."

Jessy's eyes were wide with grief. Maybe she remembered Roseleaf from the fight with the badger, how Roseleaf had been mauled and almost killed. The thought still sent shivers down her spine.

Ammy licked Quigsly nervously as Jessy forced the fur of her tail to lie flat. Eventually she cleared her throat. "I'm sorry," she mewed, voice quiet and shaking. "This is probably inappropriate to ask, but... if she died then, how come you only got here now?"

She blinked slowly and thumped her tail against the dirt. She would probably never see Jessy again after this, so she decided there was no point in lying or hiding anything with her. "Because I went to find Roseleaf in StarClan—you heard of the Moonpool, I'm sure—but she wasn't there." She gave her tail another thump at Jessy's frown. "She went to the Dark Forest because she didn't think she was deserving of StarClan." She thumped her tail twice more and swallowed back the stinging in her throat. "Sorry. Maybe it doesn't make a lot of sense to you. I don't even know if you believe in StarClan."

Jessy gave a rather dismissive snort. "Well, of course StarClan is real. How else would leaders have nine lives?" She shifted her paws. "My family probably didn't make it there, though, since they never believed in them. Had never even heard of them, in fact."

Hollypetal nodded, then felt her pelt heat up as her stomach growled again.

Jessy twitched her whiskers. "Would you like to hunt, Hollypetal?"

She shifted her paws, nodding. She had nothing more to say about Roseleaf anyway. She backed out of the den and waited for Jessy to join her.

Jessy gave her chest a quick lick. "There's not a lot around here, but there's enough to keep us fed. I'd recommend going for birds—they like to hang around here in hopes of getting food from the twolegs."

Hollypetal nodded. "I'll be back when I've got something." She turned and was stalking off before she could see Jessy's nod of approval.

With a goal in mind, everything seemed much clearer. She'd catch something to feed herself, maybe something for the others, and would meet Jessy and Ammy back at the den. They would eat, and she could figure out what she was going to do from there on out. For now, a meal.

It didn't take her long of meandering through the trees to come across a crow. It wasn't amongst the grassy area—it was closer to the thunderpath, right along the edge, pecking along the ground. She flicked her tail irritably, watching the bird hop around. It was just close enough to the path that she didn't want to attack it, but was also close enough to her that she didn't want to let it go. She came to a conclusion of whether or not to attack when it looked right at her and blinked, before turning away once more, attention elsewhere almost immediately.

She would not let a _crow_ get away with thinking she was not a threat.

She looked up and down the thunderpath, strained her hearing for the sound of monsters. She could not see any, could not hear any, could not smell any, so she ran full throttle at the black bird. She was on it's back before it could take off, and it let out an indignant squawk beneath her, trying to flap her off. She dug her claws into it's back and hung on until the wings slow, then lunged for it's neck. It screeched until it was dead, and she pulled it away from the path triumphantly. She was breathing hard, but it felt good, and a crow would be enough to feed all of them. They could use the feathers to line Ammy's nest, or give them to her son to play with. She heard the sound of a twoleg screech and craned her neck up to lift the large bird off the ground, then went running back into the trees.

She dove beneath a bush and peered out for twolegs, but didn't see any chasing her. There were a few kits walking down the side of the path, looking and gesturing in her direction, but none broke from their small herd to look for her. She pulled the crow further into the green, letting out a pleased growl.

The walk back was not long, but it was unpleasant having to drag the large bird. Crows weren't very common in the forest – she'd forgotten how straining the large birds were on the neck. It came as a great relief when she finally reached the mouth of the den once more, and she dropped the bird and shook herself out.

Jessy's head poked out from the den, and she looked delightedly at the crow. "Fantastic," she purred. "We might even have some food left for breakfast!"

She let Jessy pick the crow up and followed her back into the den.

Ammy blinked between the two of them, at first with eyes wide, and then with eyes grateful. Beside her, Quigsly was up and gnawing on a vole. He was the same grey as his mother, but not quite as fluffy. He looked a little like Rainstrike, just a lighter grey. She immediately liked him despite herself.

She joined Ammy and Jessy as she set the crow down, but couldn't pull her eyes away from Quigsly. He was pulling chunks of meat off of the vole and dropping them onto the den floor. He would stare and prod at them before finally eating them, and she felt her whiskers twitch in amusement.

"Quigsly is up," Ammy greeted wearily. "He's only recently started eating solid food, so he's still not quite sure about it." She stretched and sighed. "Quigsly, eat properly. When you're finished you can have some feathers."

His ears perked and he looked toward them at last. He blinked at his mother, looked to Hollypetal, then to Jessy, then back to Hollypetal, before his eyes settled finally on the crow.

"Bird," he mewed, then nodded to himself and continued eating.

Hollypetal started pulling feathers off of the crow, setting them aside for whatever Ammy decided to do with them. When she had a satisfactory amount plucked, she pushed the bird to Ammy. When surprise flickered across the she-cats face, she explained quickly. "In the clans, the queens—mothers with kits—eat first."

She let Ammy consider this for a few moments, and went to sit with Jessy. She would split what was left with the brown she-cat after Ammy had had her fill. When Ammy looked to Jessy for approval, she turned her head to Hollypetal.

"You said Squirrelflight had her kits?"

She nodded. "Three she-cats and a tom. The tom is Alderkit, and the she-cats are Spark-kit, Shrewkit, and Rosekit."

Jessy made no comment about the name Rosekit, just nodded thoughtfully. "I'd like to visit them one day," she meowed. "Maybe when they're apprentices. How is Stormpaw?"

"There's been talk of him becoming a warrior soon. I think he's mates with Cherryfall, too, but I'm not sure."

Relief flooded her eyes. "I'm glad. He was pretty torn up about his brother." She perked up as Ammy pushed the crow towards them. "Thanks, Ammy!"

She was relieved to let silence fall over them as they ate, but she couldn't help but notice Quigsly out of the corner of her eye. He was staring at the pile of feathers, and his haunches kept wiggling.

Ammy was watching him, too, looking resigned. Neither she-cat stopped him from barreling into the pile, and he squealed delightedly as the feathers flew out from under him, swirling around the den before resettling everywhere.

Jessy must have been used to this, because she did not pause her eating, just shook the feathers from her pelt.

Hollypetal shook herself off and took a last bite of the crow before sitting up. She looked at Quigsly but didn't know what to say to him, so she simply mewed, "I'll sleep outside of the den, in case I have nightmares."

As she padded out of the den, she worried if she would be able to reach the Dark Forest from so far away from the clans. She did not know how far the forest spread. She didn't even know if StarClan could see her. Surely StarClan had enough cats to take up the entire sky, even from where she was. She wasn't _that_ far from the clans.

She curled into a tight ball and was only satisfied when she felt her own tail brush against her nose. She would make it to the Dark Forest – she wouldn't let Roseleaf keep pushing her away. Something had to give.

* * *

 _Roseleaf looked less than impressed at the sight of her._

 _Her face twisted into an irritated scowl, like she hadn't been expecting to see Hollypetal again. As if Hollypetal could ever give her up. Hollypetal watched her tail flick back and forth for a few moments, waiting for Roseleaf to say something._

 _Nothing came out of her mouth, so Hollypetal started. "You didn't die on purpose," she said firmly. "You can't use an excuse as lame as that as a reason to keep yourself here."_

 _Roseleaf's lip curled and she stood, the hair along her spine lifting. "What do you think I went out there to do?"_

 _It was a low blow, and it knocked the air out of her so fast she thought she could see reality shining through, a dark forest that was not full of rot. She blinked until she felt solid again, trying not to gasp. She grit her teeth. "I was there, Roseleaf. I saw the fear in your eyes, and I saw you try to swim. The ground gave out, and you fell, and you died. It wasn't under your control."_

 _She snorted dismissively back. "It was only hurrying along the process. I'd been dying for moons, anyway." She looked around, appearing somewhere between bored and angry, and then she started to walk away._

 _Hollypetal followed a few steps behind her, unwilling to drop it so easily. They plodded along for a few silent minutes before finally Roseleaf turned on her, expression twisting into a nasty snarl._

" _Haven't I told you enough times to leave me alone? Can you not take a hint? Are you duller than a kit?"_

 _Hollypetal reeled back as Roseleaf closed in on her, stumbling over her own paws._

" _I don't want you. I don't need you. I'm not your sister," she meowed the mantra like a threat, like something familiar, and Hollypetal realized that she had been telling herself this for moons. It wasn't a matter of what Roseleaf wanted, it was a matter of what she was telling herself what she needed to do._

 _She was trying to block Hollypetal out. She'd been trying for ages now. Her lungs felt like lead as she remembered how desperately she had wanted to run from Roseleaf before. Roseleaf knew exactly what Hollypetal wanted to do and was trying to use it against her, was using it as a reason to not trust her._

 _Hollypetal could only blame herself. She was suddenly all the more determined to not let Roseleaf escape her. She wouldn't lose another sister, not this way, a final way. She would force Roseleaf into StarClan if she had to. She wouldn't let Roseleaf prevent herself from being happy any longer._

 _She pushed herself back at Roseleaf, refusing to continue cowering beneath her. "You don't have to need me or want me. I'm here, and I always will be, and I will always be your sister."_

 _She watched Roseleaf's eyes go blank once more. There was no anger left, no tiredness, no emotion on her face at all. The same expression Hollypetal had come to expect from her had returned. It only meant that Roseleaf was smothering all of her anger inside of herself again, would use the emotion against herself instead of others._

 _She didn't have time to worry about it, because Roseleaf was already talking._

" _It will be morning soon," she said monotonously._

 _Hollypetal could feel the sun on her fur, a beckoning warmth that she couldn't ignore. She had a family to take care of in the waking world. She couldn't keep track of how time passed here. She knew she couldn't get anything more out of Roseleaf after she had shut down again. She would have to try again._

" _I'll be back tonight."_

 _Roseleaf stared through her._

" _You can't run from me forever," she told her. "There's nowhere left to go."_

* * *

 **Oh god another late update. I really am sorry. Life got busy. Lying, dying, moms boyfriend visiting, alpacas knocking down the fence. Alpacas knocking down the fence _again_. Oh and then there was me spending literally two straight days reading The Foxhole Court books. Just about died from lack of sleep, but it's fiiiine.**

 **I'm going to talk about Sparrowflight for a moment, for no reason other than that I didn't develop him during WN. Sparrowflight has appeared mostly as an enemy throughout the books, a tom that can't handle his sister besting him. We never got to see a lot of him outside of petty insults and a habit of pranking his sisters.**

 **So, let's start with Sparrowkit. He was a pretty happy little lad, eh? They all were. They used to rag on each other and play and fake fight, like all kits. And then—what? Hollykit starts ignoring him. She hardly even pays attention to Petalkit, her best friend. And he is left out. Hollykit does not have time for Petalkit, let alone him. So he what anyone growing up would do—he gets mad. Here's his sister, someone he'd been close with, suddenly just... ignoring him? She has no time for him, no time for their sister, all she does is train to perfect her crouches and swipes and balance. His father takes an immediate shine to this, being a fighter as well. So now Hollykit doesn't notice him and is attracting the attention of everyone around him. Petalkit prefers to spend her time bouncing around Hollykit and helping her train. He is alone.**

 **And then they are apprentices. Hollypaw has once again upped everyone around her. She has the strongest warrior in the clan as her mentor _and_ he's her father. She is breaking the rules, Firestar is breaking the rules, Lionblaze is breaking the rules, _everyone_ is letting Hollypaw get by without punishment. When the Dark Forest comes for him, of course he goes. Someone wants him for once. He is getting more training now, and maybe he can finally match up to Hollypaw (little does he know that she's been getting extra training too).**

 **And then Petalpaw is sick. Sick and dying and his only sister left. From Hollypaw's POV, we don't see them interacting. But they still do. Petalpaw was the one keeping them all tied together, explaining that Hollypaw just needed herself right now, was helping keep the currents calm. And then she died. So now there is no reason to consider Hollypaw a sister. She's an abnormality. Too strong, too smart, too fast, too everything. Before she speaks she always stops and thinks for a long moment. Her responses are practiced and don't feel real, because they aren't. She is just voicing Hollyleaf. He doesn't know this, but that doesn't mean it's not weird. She calculates everything.**

 **And then she kills Crowfrost, and there's Rockfur and Roseleaf, and they're telling the whole clan that Hollypaw isn't his sister, hasn't been his sister for a long time, not because she was rejecting his friendship, _but because she wasn't actually herself_. And it makes sense. Of course it makes sense. He'd almost killed her in a fit of rage and Hawkfrost whispering encouragement in his ears, and the cat he had wanted to claw to pieces had not been his Hollykit, it had been Hollyleaf. Hollyleaf had appeared and had been telling her what to do for moons. It had nothing to do with Hollykit/paw/petal at all. He'd thought she was doing something wrong, was being to cold and calculating because she was going to do something bad, but she was only a puppet.**

 **And so when they're made warriors, he can be proud of her. But it's too late to repair the damage between them. It would be moons before he knew just how much he had emotionally wrecked her back.**

 **I really don't know why I bothered with that. I feel bad for characters I under-develop. I might one day write in his POV in The Renewed Trilogy: One-Shots if I ever do write that.**

 **Up next: Words As Weapons**

 **The Renewed Trilogy: Book Three: Mad World  
Chapter Eleven: A Beautiful Indifference  
Word count (excluding A/N): 3,430  
Character count (excluding A/N): 18,908  
Song: Rise Against – A Beautiful Indifference  
Started: February 7** **th** **, 2016. 3:05AM.  
Finished: February 15** **th** **, 2016. 1:10AM. Edited: Unedited because I'm lame.**


	13. Chapter Twelve: Words As Weapons

The Dark Forest was starting to look more familiar. Even the smell had stopped being a bother, like ShadowClan's had after so many patrols. The scenery, however, continued to be as dreary as ever. Dark and foggy and somewhere between green and brown and grey. Hollypetal knew she wouldn't miss it.

The log Roseleaf rested on was sinking into the ground now, fading slowly underneath Roseleaf's weight. Hollypetal wondered if Roseleaf would move on somewhere else after it disappeared entirely, or if she would just remain curled over the dirty ground.

Hollypetal didn't even know if Roseleaf moved during the daytime, when she couldn't watch over her. Dead cats didn't need to eat or drink or exercise, so she supposed it didn't matter. She just hoped that after the few nights she'd visited, something had awoken in Roseleaf. A sense of purpose, or relief, or _something_.

But last night had been a fruitless trial. Roseleaf had completely ignored any and all comments she'd made, and morning had come before she could think of what to try to do to goad her into responding. Between the warm sun and Quigsly's paws jamming into her ribs, she couldn't have stayed to figure it out. During the day, she'd tried to think of what to do, but without Roseleaf there to test things out on, she wasn't sure what would make Roseleaf open up. Would it be idle gossip, or biting remarks, or bribes, or was Roseleaf already too far gone?

She couldn't know, not yet. All she knew was that Roseleaf had glanced in her general direction as she had appeared, the smallest sign of acknowledgment conceivable, and yet her only hope.

For now, Roseleaf had not been grooming herself, and so Hollypetal would try gossip and sharing tongues. It was often something the queens did during the long days that they were confined to camp. Maybe being clean would at least be a good start for her. Surely it would feel at least a little better.

Hollypetal joined Roseleaf up on the log, but Roseleaf was back to ignoring her. It took her a moment to find a good spot that she could reach Roseleaf's matted fur at, but when she finally did start grooming the dark she-cat, she felt her muscles tense beneath her tongue. Roseleaf must have been biting her tongue, because she remained stubbornly quiet.

As for idle chit-chat, Hollypetal figured it would just be good to fill Roseleaf in on what was happening in the clans. As far as she knew, Roseleaf had made no efforts to even try and check in with them.

"All of the clans have been able to return to their camps," she started. There was no given response, so she continued. "During the next Gathering, there were actually dead animals littering the island. Some apprentices even found a fox, but mostly there was just fish." She gave a long, encouraging pause. "The clans even agreed on a new warrior code."

She thought she saw Roseleaf's ear straighten a bit with curiosity, but the she-cat gave no other reaction. Hollypetal had thought something as big as a new code would intrigue Roseleaf. It was an incredibly rare occurrence.

"Bramblestar suggested it," she went on. "Each clan has a right to be independent, but in times of trouble they must forget their boundaries and fight side by side to protect the four clans. Something like that."

Roseleaf was looking disinterested again, but Hollypetal knew she was about to step over a dangerous line with her.

"Actually, what happened up to this was really interesting," she meowed quietly. "Cherryfall, one of ThunderClan's warriors, found something we'd thought we'd lost." She pushed through her hesitation. "After the war, Jayfeather got a stick—we called it the Stick of the Fallen—and marked it for every warrior ThunderClan lost."

Roseleaf hadn't physically done anything, but Hollypetal could see the darkness rising in her eyes at the mention of the war.

"ShadowClan said that they name the fallen during the first owl call at night," she said, and Roseleaf's pelt twitched. "After we found the Stick of the Fallen, though, StarClan appeared in the clearing. I think it was mostly cats lost during the war. Raccoonpaw was—"

She cut off with a gasp as Roseleaf struck her cheek with unsheathed claws. She dug her claws into the log so she wouldn't fall, and blinked rapidly as she felt warm blood well up on her face.

Roseleaf's back was arched, and her face was twisted into a furious snarl. "Shut up," she hissed. Shadows seemed to be gathering under her paws, staining them darker than they were and sliding up her legs like fog.

Hollypetal thought they might be attracted to violence, or anger, or any negative feeling, but she wrenched her eyes away from them. "I won't stop talking unless you start talking," she challenged, digging her claws further into the wood beneath them in case Roseleaf lunged.

Roseleaf first looked startled, and then angry again, and then angrier still. Her face twisted back into it's previous furious state, and the darkness in her eyes threatened to overwhelm the both of them. The shadows were gathering quicker now, streaming over and through Roseleaf's fur and making her into nothing more than a shadow herself.

"You want me to talk?" she hissed and her voice hardly broke through the smothering shadows. "Fine."

Hollypetal had braced herself, but she still tumbled off of the log as Roseleaf crashed into her.

Roseleaf was not far behind and landed on her seconds later with claws unsheathed.

Hollypetal could fight her, she knew, but she didn't want to hurt Roseleaf, even if Roseleaf wanted to hurt her. For now she needed to see Roseleaf lose control.

She'd barely scrambled back to her paws when Roseleaf was crashing back into her, almost knocking her back down and leaving shallow scratches against her side.

"I hate you," she started in a voice that seemed to travel through the shadows and into Hollypetal's waiting, listening ears.

She felt her throat close at the sudden pain in her chest, but she dodged Roseleaf at her next attack, trying to open her lungs back up. Roseleaf was only letting the shadows speak for her. Under all of the the darkness, she knew she would find the Roseleaf she had thought she'd known. Their whole relationship hadn't been a lie, couldn't have been.

Hollypetal couldn't see Roseleaf's mouth moving anymore, but she wasn't sure if it was because of the shadows or because the shadows _were_ the words. They came out in gravelly, hateful hisses that sounded somehow like Crowfrost as he'd stood above her, ready to kill her.

" _I hate you. I hate you. I hate you for having a family, for having Hollyleaf, for taking Rockfur from me._ "

With every drifting word came another attack from Roseleaf, and they were getting harder to make out in the darkness. She almost wanted morning to come, just so she could feel the sun and know that this wasn't real.

She felt like she was breathing in the shadows, suffocating in the putrid hatred that it tasted like. She could feel the darkness trying to consume her, too, to make her like Roseleaf was, to make her attack back, and she had to keep thinking of memories that meant something to her to keep from fighting back. It was the sound of Roseleaf's voice at their first Gathering together, the sound of Crowfrost's hisses of pain; the light in Roseleaf's eyes when she'd awoken after Crowfrost's death, the darkness at the edges of her vision when Crowfrost had pinned her and cut open her throat; the way Roseleaf looked at Raccoonpaw like he was the world, and the way Crowfrost looked at her like she was prey; it was Roseleaf and Rockfur leaning into her and leading her back home when she was weak.

" _I hate that StarClan favoured you, I hate that they chose you to kill Crowfrost, when it took all of me to control myself from killing him myself._ "

The words pressed around her head, and into her ears, and she felt like they were squeezing her head too tightly. She could almost see what Roseleaf was thinking of now, of watching Crowfrost from across camp, having to control her claws from dragging her to him and pulling him apart limb from limb. It was like what Hollypetal felt whenever she saw him at Gatherings, except every single day.

" _I hate that you showed up to the Gathering after the war with Rainpaw, curled into him, around him, through him, like you were trying to rub it in my face that my mate was dead, but you still had yours._ "

She could hardly remember what Rainpaw had been doing at that Gathering, could only remember from it how blankly Roseleaf regarded her, and now it made sense. She could see it now, how Roseleaf had seen it.

Hollypetal approaching with Rainpaw's tail draped over her, her pressed tightly into his side, hardly visible amongst his long fur. Hollypetal hiding in his fur when an argument had started, only coming out when Rainpaw had licked her head. She hadn't noticed it then, but Roseleaf had noticed Rainpaw's tail wrapped around her own.

She saw Roseleaf turn away the second the moon was blocked by a cloud, could feel the block of humiliated, jealous anger in Roseleaf's throat, could feel the tips of her claws fighting to score the ground, could feel the burning wetness in her eyes. She could even sense Rockfur chasing after his sister.

" _I hate how you kept trying to take care of me, keep trying to take care of me, even now that I'm dead, even though I don't want you here, even though_ you're _the problem._ "

Through the haze of memories and emotions, she tried to keep her mind on the physicality of what was happening, of Roseleaf's claws scoring down her muzzle. Everything was so dark, too dark, all memories and emotions and pain and agony and harsh blows of _It should've been me_ that were about Raccoonpaw, were about Crowfrost's bleeding throat, were about Hollyleaf living in the mind of her niece, not her daughter.

" _I hate that you ignored my fake friendliness, that you kept wanting to be my friend, that you thought—think—of me as a sister, even though we will never be._ "

For a moment, she saw a flash of Roseleaf's green eyes amidst the swirling black fog, and she felt a sharp swipe of claws against her side. She turned but Roseleaf had already disappeared again, leaving words floating to her, more solid than the words that seemed to leak into her brain and paint everything with memories that were not her own.

"Fight back!" Roseleaf was screeching. "Kill me and let my soul disappear!"

She couldn't even begin to think of replying with so many words warring into her ears and blocking out everything about the realm she was in. It was hard enough to stay on her paws, but the idea of opening her mouth and letting the words work their way into her was something she couldn't let happen. All ideas of reality were battering against her and everything was buzzing and painful and all she wanted was to fall back into memories of Rainstrike, or Hollyleaf, or Petalpaw.

" _I hate that you can be sad when you have a father, a mother, a brother, a mate, a clan. That you can act so lost when you've only lost a sister and a mother that wasn't even yours._ "

She felt a burst of anger that was finally her own, finally a shadow of her own, and she wasn't talking but somehow she felt that Roseleaf could hear her anyway. _How dare you deny my feelings, reject them as if they aren't real, just because of what I physically have? As if what I feel and what I have are one and the same, and not two entirely different things? I've lost so much, I've felt my heart rip itself into millions of tiny, burning pieces, and you dare try to tell me I have no right to feel that?_

 _I lost my brother, because now he isn't my brother, because he can't trust me because I lied to him and left him behind me without a second thought. I lost my father, because I couldn't tell him that I wasn't training in the Dark Forest, that I was training to kill Crowfrost. I've lost two sisters, two mothers, I've lost any chance I had at living a regular warriors life. I lost everything I ever had or wanted in my pursuit to kill one cat, and now he's dead and I'm still losing everything._

She felt a second surge of anger as Roseleaf's shadows started retreating from her own.

I _hate that even if you hate me more than anything, I can never hate you, that I can never stop loving you, even though you're something I've lost too._

She felt Roseleaf's presence looming over her, but she turned just in time to have Roseleaf land on her and knock her back. Her head hit the ground so hard that when she gasped and blinked away spots, she found herself dusty and bleeding and awake.

* * *

 **Wowwee, Roseleaf sure was mad. But hey, better than another night of her not responding. Well, it doesn't feel like that yet, but it will once Hollypetal manages to calm down. I mean, she was looking for a reaction. I didn't mean for the shadows to become as vicious as they did. My notes literally only have that first moment of them gathering at her paws. Then I was like _hey, that could work_ and managed to entwine it with the fight. Which is a relief, because Hollypetal just dodging would've gotten boring fast. (The note literally only says: "She notices shadows starting to swirl around her paws, like theyre attracted to negative feelings")**

 **Sorry once more about the late update – I was nearing the end of my notes, so I went to update them. Now I have up to chapter sixteen. I need to make more. I know what needs to happen, it's just the matter of getting Hollypetal there. I'll try writing some more notes up after I edit this.**

 **This chapter feels weird, but I guess they all do in their own ways. Eh.**

 **The Renewed Trilogy: Book Three: Mad World  
Chapter Twelve: Words As Weapons  
Word count (excluding A/N): 2,241  
Character count (excluding A/N): 12,482  
Song: Seether – Words As Weapons  
Started: February 22** **nd** **, 2016. 4:15AM.  
Finished: February 22** **nd** **, 2016. 6:24AM. Edited: February 22** **nd** **, 2016. 10:50AM. (Also lazily edited because I'm lame and just wanted to update.)**


	14. Chapter Thirteen: Stop and Stare

Jessy was very against the idea of Hollypetal going back to the Dark Forest. Ammy's eyes disagreed as well, but she knew there would be no convincing Hollypetal otherwise. Jessy always had to try, hopeless or not. Her fur had bristled, she had spat in disbelief, she had argued.

When Hollypetal had awoken with such wounds, she had known Jessy was going to give her an earful about them, but she hadn't expected the she-cat to sit at the entrance of the den, keeping watch on both her and Ammy. She had remained sleeping outside the den just in case of such a fight, and Ammy remained inside with Quigsly. She didn't want Jessy to stay up all night watching her, but there wasn't a lot she could do. She did not know how Roseleaf was going to respond to her coming once more. In the end, it was probably better to have Jessy nearby, in case of an emergency. None of her wounds were life threatening, but she did have some deep ones on her side. Jessy hated those ones.

She had already decided a long time ago that she couldn't give up on Roseleaf, so when she curled into her nest, she pushed her fear away and pulled back her determination to go back to the Dark Forest.

* * *

 _Roseleaf was back on the sinking log, legs tucked underneath herself and eyes half-closed. There were no shadows circling her, and instead of mad she just appeared sleepy. The few scratches Hollypetal had returned were crusted over with dry blood and looked unattended to._

 _When Hollypetal closed in on her, Roseleaf blinked and gazed at her calmly for a few heartbeats before returning to her previous state of relaxation._

 _She felt a tinge of annoyance flit down her spine and through her tail, sending it flicking. Roseleaf was going to go back to ignoring her, just like that. She had to bite her tongue to stop herself from shouting. From the corner of her eye, she thought she saw a shadow move. She shoved away her irritation and forced herself to take in a deep breath of calmness before she opened her mouth. "You can't just do this to me again," she meowed firmly. "I'll tell you until I die that I'm not letting you stay here."_

 _Roseleaf's eyes remained squeezed shut._

 _She had to take in another breath to continue. "Talk to me. Talk to me with_ words, _not shadows. I won't let this place eat you alive."_

 _But Roseleaf said nothing, did not respond at all._

 _Hollypetal could only be thankful that shadows weren't swirling to her anymore. She did not want Roseleaf to suffer, with only herself and shadows for company. They would only pull her apart, like they had yesterday. She knew the shadows were only feeding into Roseleaf's already dark thoughts. She did not know how to win over them. She could only keep trying._

 _She dared to reach over and jab Roseleaf's side with her paw, but Roseleaf only shifted and rested her head on her paws._

 _She wanted to bat some sense into her, to shout at her that by staying here she comparing herself to cats like Tigerstar, or Hawkfrost, Mapleshade, Brokenstar, cats that belonged in stories meant to scare kits. Roseleaf was not an evil cat that deserved such a fate. She was a cat that deserved everything StarClan had to offer her. But she didn't know how to explain to Roseleaf that she could never be as evil as the cats that did belong here. Comparing them would only solidify her resolve in thinking she belonged in this wretched place._

 _To save Roseleaf, she needed something to pull forward something that wasn't shadow. She needed to make a hole in a cave for the sun to shine through, to change a dreary sight into something beautiful. Something like Roseleaf sitting next to a river, nothing but a silhouette against such a blinding light, staring into the river because it was one of the few beautiful things left in her world._

 _She had to pull forward her love for Rockfur, Raccoonpaw, Hollyleaf, Blackstar, Scorchfur, her clan. If there was one thing the two of them shared, it was a desire to have a happy family. But when she brought them up with Roseleaf, she would only find ways to bring the topic to their deaths, the unfairness of it all. She didn't know how to pull forward the happiness without bringing forth the pain of loss. There was no way she could, because the two were so entwined at this point that they couldn't be separated. She needed to talk about the happiness and talk Roseleaf down from the sad. How was she supposed to do such a thing with someone else when she couldn't even do it with herself?_

 _Finally, she jumped onto the log. She felt it sink under her weight, but there was no lift back up like there would be in reality, just the sinking of it disappearing into miserable dust that threatened to suffocate the entire Dark Forest._

" _Why did you fall in love with Raccoonpaw?" she asked, forcing false confidence into her voice._

 _Roseleaf only responded with a slight flattening of her ears._

 _She swallowed the growing lump of nervousness in her throat, stepping up the log toward where Roseleaf was resting. Roseleaf only stiffened as Hollypetal started cleaning her wounds as best she could without herbs._

 _If Roseleaf wouldn't talk, then she would have to fill the silence again. She couldn't risk pressing Roseleaf again so soon. Neither of them were in shape enough to go through what had happened last night again._

 _There was a subject she had to approach, but if she did, she didn't know what reaction she would get. The conversation could go in a few very different directions. It could make or break Roseleaf, or she could not respond at all, could hold herself so well together that Hollypetal would never break her again._

 _She did not want to say anything, but had already put it off for too long. It was a conversation that should have happened long before Roseleaf had even died, but she'd thought it would be better to go along with Roseleaf instead of question her. It had been easier, but not better. This one conversation could've saved Roseleaf, if only Hollypetal had been brave enough to face it, had been there when Roseleaf had needed her._

 _Roseleaf hadn't been wrong when she'd said that his was all Hollypetal's fault._

" _You were right," she finally admitted. She was trembling so hard she could feel the log shift further into oblivion beneath her. "Last night you said that I ignored you when you were faking being happy. I shouldn't have done that. It was awful of me." She swallowed through her grief. "I keep coming back for you, because I love you, but I never expressed that while you were alive, and this whole time you've been telling me to leave you alone and all I want to do is just that. I've always been an awful friend to you."_

 _Roseleaf hadn't looked towards her, but Hollypetal saw the shift in her expression. Apathy, consideration, apathy, bemusement, apathy, irritation, apathy._

" _When Rockfur came to get me, I didn't have a chance to think through his panic. But by the time we reached the tunnels, I wanted to go back. I didn't want to look for you, when all you did was tell me to go away, but I did. I shouldn't have let it get that far. I should have talked to you sooner, so you would have come to me instead of going into the tunnels. If I had..." She choked on the rest of her words. If she had, then Roseleaf wouldn't have died, and Rockfur would be fine, and she wouldn't have fought Sparrowflight, and Hollyleaf wouldn't be sick, and Redwillow wouldn't have lost another family member._

 _Not approaching Roseleaf's false friendliness had seemed like such a small decision, a simple thought of "She'll talk to me when she's ready," but now it was too late for talking through everything. They had let their friendship fall away in the madness of war, and this was the price to pay. The last thing Hollypetal could do for Roseleaf was prevent her from a life trapped in Hell. If she could get her to StarClan, even for a moment, then Raccoonpaw and Hollyleaf and Scorchfur could hold her there for eternity. If she could just save Roseleaf this once, even if it was too late, then that might just be enough._

 _Roseleaf had turned, and was regarding her bemusedly. "Hollypetal, where are you?"_

 _She floundered momentarily. "Where...?"_

 _Roseleaf nodded._

 _Hollypetal couldn't believe she'd broken her silence for such a question._

" _You aren't at ThunderClan, right? I thought I was imagining it, but you don't smell like the clans."_

 _She was relieved that Roseleaf hadn't been asking about the Dark Forest, like she'd thought, but couldn't push away all the exasperation. After everything, it was Roseleaf's curiosity that got the best of her in the end._

" _I left," she admitted hesitantly. Roseleaf's ears swerved towards her interestedly. "Sparrowflight and me fought, and I left the territory."_

 _Roseleaf looked disinterested again. "That's stupid reason to leave."_

" _So was yours," she replied without thinking._

 _Roseleaf's eyes widened, but she remained quiet in the wake of Hollypetal's immediate and blunt response._

" _Roseleaf, this isn't a_ game. _I'm tired of you trying to twist lies into reality to make yourself out to be the bad guy. So tell me the truth: was what happened at the river really not an accident?"_

 _Roseleaf didn't like having the tables turned back on her. She shuffled her paws and looked irritably away from Hollypetal again, her ears flattening. A low hiss escaped her, but she was clearly struggling to think of a comeback. At last she just muttered, "You're an accident," childishly. Before Hollypetal could push her off the log, she continued, "I just wanted to get away from the clan for awhile. Everyone was talking about Blackstar, and the war, and the flood, and the hunger and it was just_ so annoying. _" She let out a low grumble in her throat. "I didn't want to be cooped up with Littlecloud anymore, so I walked out when he was distracted. Then I saw the entrance to the tunnel, so I just thought I'd go in there where it would be quiet. But it was so_ big _, and there were so many_ tunnels _, so of course I explored. I thought it might be a good place to stay while I decided what to do."_

 _Hollypetal continued to watch her, even as Roseleaf gave her a look of annoyance. The story was not over, and Hollypetal would not let it be over until Roseleaf had recalled everything up to her death._

 _Roseleaf tossed her head up as if this was the greatest inconvenience she'd ever been through. "Right, but Rockfur noticed I was gone when he got back from his patrol, and of course he panicked. He acts tough, but he's really uncool," she scoffed, but there was affection in her eyes, and she was almost smiling. The happiness clouded over quickly with the upcoming events._

 _There was a long pause, and Hollypetal thought she wasn't going to continue anymore, just drop the topic before she died, before Rockfur was screaming and the world was falling, but Roseleaf sighed loudly and glanced around the Dark Forest blankly. Before Hollypetal started to prod, she finally concluded: "I never wanted Rockfur to have to lose me too."_

 _The answer was what Hollypetal had been expecting, but it still hurt. She wasn't sure if it was the pain of knowing Roseleaf wanted to live, or the pain of such intense relief, or just a renewed sense of grief that Rockfur had lost his last true family member._

 _Her eyes started watering, so she looked around for cobwebs to cover Roseleaf's wounds. She plucked one off the side of their log, but it was turning brown and she shook it off her paw hastily instead._

 _Roseleaf watched the cobweb float to the ground, watched Hollypetal hop off the log to look for cleaner coating, then looked into the forest until her eyes glazed over._

 _She had just given up on finding clean webs when Roseleaf finally spoke up again._

" _You were supposed to save me." Her voice was hollow and she was still looking into the forest, even as Hollypetal felt a rush of ice knock the breath out of her. "That's what was supposed to happen, right? It doesn't make any sense. You had that power, but you never used it when you fought." There was a beat of silence as she thought that over. "I don't get it. Was I supposed to run away earlier, so you could save me then? Is that why I'm here? Because StarClan didn't tell me what to do, so I didn't do it? Because I was supposed to crack under the pressure sooner?"_

 _Hollypetal crouched by the edge of the log, suddenly unable to bring herself to climb._

 _Roseleaf finally turned back to her. "That's what I was thinking," she meowed, "when I hit the rock. Right before I was here, I was thinking, 'save me, save me,' but then I remembered that you couldn't anymore, and I thought, why would I ever trust StarClan if it would be that cruel? Why would I want to go there? So I didn't."_

" _No," she croaked miserably. "No, I just never used my powers because it was too much to concentrate on at once. StarClan... they wouldn't have planned for your death."_

 _Roseleaf's face twisted into a snarl. A shadow slithered by, but when Roseleaf aimed her anger at it with a vicious swipe, it disappeared into smoke. "StarClan needs to stop messing with the living," she spat. "They're only ruining everything. It doesn't make any sense – make a cat destined to kill Crowfrost, but when she's killed, just make another, instead of just_ telling _someone who's killing cats... If they were just_ clear _about what was happening, there wouldn't be any problems, right? If they see something bad happen, they shouldn't just give us fox-dung prophecies, they should express that they think someone is untrustworthy!" She broke out into a long snarl that seemed to shake the trees. "If I had just killed Crowfrost when I found out it was him, lives would've been saved. Did those lives not matter to StarClan? Were they just fodder so they could train up the strongest apprentice possible? They could have went to someone strong and told them, and it would have ended! My family—" She choked off for a split second, growled again, and continued, "I would have a family if they had just been clear about what was happening."_

 _Every heartbeat sent another wave of grief through her as she thought of Redwillow, of Rockfur, of Olivenose, all having the cats they loved most pulled away from them, because Hollyleaf had to puzzle out the answer herself, only to be told who killed her mate, just minutes before she had been killed too. Because Hollypetal had to train before she could face him, even though there were so many cats that could have taken him down already._

 _She had to swallow through all the pain to reply. "I know. That's the same problem I've been having with them. They don't make any sense to me either." She thought of Petalpaw seeking her out against StarClan's wishes, just to tell her what StarClan wouldn't. "They stopped talking to me as soon as Crowfrost was dead. When I finally confronted them, Petalpaw told me that they were keeping me away because they didn't want me to get involved with you again." She felt a tremor of rage shake through her at the days upon days that Roseleaf had stayed here, alone, just because StarClan couldn't face up to their mistake. "I'm not here because I think you deserve StarClan, or StarClan deserves you. I just think that you deserve what you'd find there. More than anyone else."_

 _Roseleaf looked blearily into the starless, grey sky. When her eyes found nothing there, she let her head drop back down and rested it tiredly against her paws._

 _For a moment, the bleak brown forest seemed to flash with green grass. The sound of rushing water lasted only for a moment._

 _Roseleaf lifted her head, but her expression said she hadn't noticed any of it. She simply settled back into a comfortable position and closed her eyes._

 _As Hollypetal felt the morning sun warming her fur, she thought maybe she actually could get Roseleaf out of the Dark Forest. Maybe. She hid her hope within her and mewed, "I'll see you again tonight."_

 _Roseleaf didn't seem to move,_ but when Hollypetal opened her eyes, she thought she could hear her say, _"I never hated you."_

* * *

 **Just realized the last chapter is in a dream but not italicized. Whoops. I'm too lazy to go through and fix it, so eh. Additionally, this chapter is super late cause my mom had a lethal nosebleed, had to go the ER, have surgery, and then stay at home for a month to recover. Then I took some time to recover from that ordeal, because holy crap. But I don't want to let myself stop writing again, so, that.**

 **Also, I keep forgetting, but I've wanted to do this for awhile: fun facts! Just little things that probably won't make it in to the actual story because things changed. Here some are!**

 **\- This was only going to be one book originally! Hollyleaf was going to win, but more cats were going to have died on the way, and she would end up going back to ThunderClan at the end because she had lost her family in ShadowClan. (Also, the killer always was Crowfrost. I never floozed around about who it should be. It was always going to be him.)**

 **\- Before I realized that I hated how I made Molenose turn out, I was going to make him end up with Froststep. Who knows what'll happen with them now?**

 **\- I really heavily considered Roseleaf being pregnant and losing her kits. This included a small scene some time after she died, where Hollypetal would find a dead kit in the cave system that Roseleaf died in. Yikes.**

 **More will be in more chapters! Just a taste of what could've been.**

 **I really dislike having to push Roseleaf into a fast recovery, but there isn't really time in a fanfic. No one really wants to hear about what's between the beginning and end of depression. It'd get boring fast, having multiple chapters of fighting and screaming and crying and ignoring. Also, this is unedited because I just wanted to get something out, dangit!**

 ** **GardevoirLove4ever**** **: I'm glad you like it! I'm not sure what feels off to me. I think it was the lack of physical fighting? The point of the fight was to get across Roseleaf's emotions, but there was still a fight going on, so I'm probably concentrating too much on the lack of physicality.**

 ** **sierrastanley52**** **:** ** **All in due time! She can't woo Rainstrike when she isn't even at ThunderClan, after all.**** ** **Well, she doesn't really need to woo him.****

 **The Renewed Trilogy: Book Three: Mad World  
Chapter Twelve: Stop and Stare  
Word count (excluding A/N): 2,857  
Character count (excluding A/N): 15,891  
Song: One Republic – Stop and Stare  
Started: March 6** **th** **, 2016. 6:28PM.  
Finished: April 24** **th** **, 2016. 4:31AM. Edited: Nope**


	15. Chapter Fourteen: Shattered

The ball of moss Quigsly threw went flying over Hollypetal's head. Even on her hind legs, she wouldn't have been able to catch it. Quigsly was a difficult kit, but Hollypetal found herself enjoying his company. He was very much like a young Froststep.

Ammy scolded him lightly for his awful throw, but seemed otherwise unbothered. Hollypetal knew having Jessy and her around had taken a lot of the workload off of her shoulders. Ammy looked very peaceful, curled in the shade of a maple tree. Raising a kit by herself must have been exhausting, but every day she seemed a little spryer than the previous. She didn't seem as anxious and untrusting as she had when Hollypetal had first arrived. Hollypetal hoped she would continue to be happy, even if her and Jessy left.

"Throw it back!" Quigsly called impatiently.

She'd only just reached the ball he'd thrown so far, and she could hear Ammy hiss another reproach to him for being impatient when he had caused the pause.

Quigsly seemed oblivious to his mothers comments, so Hollypetal tossed the ball back towards him, keeping it low to the ground, but hitting it hard enough to keep it rolling. Quigsly wiggled his haunches and watched it slow to a crawl before he pounced on it. He kicked it viciously with his back feet for a few moments, and Hollypetal reflected on how he seemed to be hitting a growth spurt.

"Quigsly's getting almost apprentice-sized," she remarked to Ammy as Quigsly started pulling the moss ball apart. Again.

"Quigslypaw," Quigsly decided.

"That isn't a proper name," Jessy replied as she appeared in the clearing with a mouse dangling from her jaws.

"Quigslystar."

Jessy dropped the mouse by Ammy and motioned to Hollypetal with her tail. "Quig, come eat with Ammy. I want to talk to Hollypetal about something while we get more food."

Hollypetal shook the moss from her claws before bounding over to meet Jessy. "If we each catch one thing, that should be enough for tonight," she mused, checking the position of the setting sun.

Jessy nodded as they set out and away from the area Hollypetal kept mentally referring to as 'camp.' She knew that it was nothing like a camp, really, but since the area around the fox den was where Ammy and Quigsly usually stuck to, it had just started happening. She supposed it was better than just referring to it as a fox den.

Hollypetal let her steps slow as she realized Jessy's tail was swinging slowly. "What is it, Jessy?"

Jessy gave a small start at her voice, apparently thinking deeply and unaware she was showing her agitation. "Oh, well," she began. "I mean, it isn't really that serious, but... I was wondering if you were planning on going back to ThunderClan eventually. It's been about half a moon, you know."

Had it? The days and nights felt like they were blending together. So many passed the same way, hunting and playing with Quigsly, then trying to talk to Roseleaf. She supposed there had been a lot of silent nights between her a Roseleaf, so it would make sense that a lot of days had passed too.

She couldn't—wouldn't—go back to ThunderClan until she had Roseleaf safe and sound in StarClan. Only then could she return. How would she be able to face Rockfur otherwise?

"I can't go back yet," she mewed. "I think soon, but not yet."

With Roseleaf spending nights with her just idly chatting about stupid clan gossip they'd heard (before and after Roseleaf's death) and Roseleaf swatting absentmindedly at the shadows that closed in on her, she could only hope it wouldn't be long now.

"Well, we'll talk more about it when we aren't hunting," Jessy decided. "I smell a mouse."

Hollypetal parted her jaws and inhaled. Jessy was right – in their aimless wandering, they'd stumbled across a mouse trail.

They both dropped into a crouch.

"Try to get it if I miss," Jessy whispered, inching forward.

Hollypetal didn't dare reply, just let her eyes narrow in on where she could hear the quiet scratching of a mouses paws scoring the earth. She had to hold her tail still to keep it from flicking excitedly.

Jessy leapt and Hollypetal was rewarded with the sound of a small squeal, then silence. Jessy's head rose above the brush, and another mouse was clamped in her jaws.

Hollypetal opened her mouth to say " _One down,_ " but a screech interrupted her. It was not a mouse this time. She didn't recognize the voice, but she had never heard Ammy or Quigsly scream before anyway. And it was that direction it was coming from.

She stumbled as she started running, her hunters crouch having been facing the opposite way of camp, but she still flew by Jessy as the she-cat just about choked on her mouse. They hadn't made it far, but after hearing a scream like that, Hollypetal knew she couldn't run fast enough. Everything had seemed so fine that she should have expected something to happen again. If someone had hurt either Ammy or Quigsly, Hollypetal wouldn't let them leave alive.

With thoughts like that, she had not prepared herself for what she actually came upon. She'd been expecting a fox, a sobbing Quigsly crouched over his mother, grey splattered with red. She had in no way been prepared for Ammy to be standing over a crumpled, howling black tom that was spasming violently, like he was trying to attack Ammy but didn't remember how to move.

When she reached Ammy's side, she discovered the reason for the toms thrashing movements – where his eyes should've been, there was nothing but bloody pulp left. She felt like she was going to be sick as Ammy cleaned the blood from her claws.

"Can you get rid of him?" she asked over the strangers wails and between frantic paw licks. "I don't want Quigsly to see that. If you put him by the road a human will find him."

She almost couldn't breathe from the shock and strong scent of blood sweeping over her. At some point, Jessy has reappeared behind her, and she moved to crouch by the tom with jerky movements. Hollypetal felt her legs numbly carry her to join Jessy. The tom swiped weakly at them as they started to lift him, but could barely land a claw on them through all his shaking.

By the time they reached the thunderpath, he'd all but stopped moving. His breaths were coming in short gasps and whimpers when they set him down, and he seemed unable to do anything other than tremble beneath them.

Hollypetal backed away from him a few steps, still confused to what was happening. "Is this okay?" she stammered.

Jessy looked at the nearby thunderpath, then towards the twoleg dens thoughtfully. She nodded once, turning back to Hollypetal. "I'm really sorry about this," she meowed before biting down on the toms tail as hard as she could.

Hollypetal jumped as the tom let out another scream, and then Jessy was tearing off back towards the den. She jolted after her, nerves frayed and unable to not hear the wailing tom. It only took her a few moments to just about bowl Jessy over in her panic.

"Whoa," Jessy mewed as she stumbled. "It's okay. I just bit him so he'd make enough noise to attract the twolegs and get help sooner."

Hollypetal could do no more than cough out a "Why?"

"Yeah, I guess that doesn't happen a lot in the clans," Jessy said mournfully. She looked at the sun disappearing behind a mountain. "Roseleaf will want to meet with you soon, I'm sure. Try not to think about it too much."

She could feel her brain reject what Jessy had just said. There was no way she _couldn't_ think about this now. "Is that really okay?" she asked again.

Jessy cocked her head. "There's no rules out here, you know. No honour. If someone attacks, then you have to do anything to protect yourself. If Ammy perceived him as a threat, then he was a threat." They were almost back at camp when she finished relaying her thoughts. "Ammy didn't want kits. But now that she has Quigsly, she isn't going to sit by and let someone threaten their livelihood."

Ammy was crouched in the entrance to the fox den, and she stood straight when her partners reappeared. "Sorry," she meowed simply. "I kicked up the ground so there's no bloodstain." She gave her chest a couple of licks. "Quigsly is still frightened. Hollypetal, I was hoping you could sleep in the den tonight. I'm sure having someone as strong as you beside him would keep Quigsly calm."

She felt like laughing in Ammy's face. Spend the night with her after she'd blinded a cat? How ridiculous of a request! But behind her, the ground had been kicked up to hide blood, and in front of her was Ammy's surprisingly sincere face, and past Ammy was the sound of Quigsly whimpering. Ammy would not attack her in front of her son.

She let out a small sound of consent and made her way to the back of the den where Quigsly was. "Are you okay?" she asked quietly, giving the top of his head a lick.

He gave her a wide eyed look. "There was another cat here!"

"He's gone now," Hollypetal explained as Ammy and Jessy entered the den behind her. "It's safe here. We should all get some sleep – that tom won't be returning."

 _Hollypetal had forgotten how empty the In-Between was. Had she ever really known at all? The place felt familiar in a familiar way. It was not something she knew, but a memory Hollyleaf had imprinted on her. The sky was clear and blue, and there was nothing but green grass and the sound of rushing water._

 _She couldn't figure out why she was there, until she turned and saw Roseleaf crouched by the river. She took a few bounding steps forward, then slowed as she got closer, remembering what had happened when Hollyleaf had fallen in. She couldn't risk falling in herself – who knew what would happen to a living cat?_

" _Roseleaf," she mewed as a greeting._

 _Roseleaf flicked an ear as Hollypetal settled down next to her. "Don't ask how I got here. I was thinking about Rockfur and when I opened my eyes I was here." She lifted one of her paws and dabbed lightly at the water in front of her. "Look! He's right here!"_

 _Hollypetal couldn't turn for a moment, caught up in the absolute delight glowing in Roseleaf's eyes. In the end, no one could ever replace Rockfur in Roseleaf's heart. Maybe the smart thing to have done would have been to send Rockfur to see Roseleaf. She wasn't sure Rockfur could handle seeing his sister in the Dark Forest. Roseleaf might have continued to hold a grudge against her that way, then, as well. Even if it took longer, Hollypetal didn't doubt that this was the right way to have done things – except maybe running from her clan._

 _She looked to where Roseleaf's paw hovered anxiously._

 _The river showed ShadowClan's camp and was directly showing Rockfur, who was laying with his head resting on his paws by the fresh kill pile. Hollypetal was relieved to see his pelt was recently groomed, and he appeared to have put more weight on after the flood. She'd been worried Rockfur would never look the same again, but he was getting there. Redwillow had been right – Rockfur just needed time to figure things out on his own._

 _Hollypetal looked away from him to glance around again. "This is the In-Between," she explained simply._

" _Yes," Roseleaf said agreeably._

" _Hollyleaf said it was only plains and a river, but I never imagined it being so barren," she meowed. "She said when she got here, that Scorchfur pushed her into this river, and that's when she came to me."_

" _You've told me this before." Roseleaf sighed and stretched her back legs out behind her lazily. "If I jumped in, do you think I could land in Rockfur?"_

 _Hollypetal frowned at the reoccurring sadness in Roseleaf's tone. "I don't think so. Hollyleaf came to me because I was being born at the time. If there's anyone giving birth right now, then maybe you could end up with one of those kits." She wondered if her mother had had her kits yet, then imagined Roseleaf becoming one of them. She longed for it but didn't let the thought linger – Roseleaf was not needed in the head of a ThunderClan kit. Especially one that would grow up with a different cat with the name Rose-. "Besides, our goal isn't to infect a newborn with another soul."_

 _Roseleaf sighed loudly. "I know, I know. Our goal is StarClan." She rolled her eyes, but her words were playful, not annoyed. "Can you be quiet for a night? I know you want to help me and all that, but I want to stay with Rockfur."_

 _Hollypetal resettled beside her. "That's fine. I wanted to know how he was too."_

 _She let her eyes fall back to the grey tom, and was happy to see him nibbling slowly on a robin. The moon was rising now, but he seemed in no rush to follow his clan mates as they started towards their respective dens. He seemed content to be taking his time. Until the bird was pulled out from under his nose. Rockfur blinked slowly at the spot that the bird had been in, his expression shifting from thoughtful to exasperated._

 _By the time he looked up, the she-cat that had taken the bird was halfway across camp and chewing on a wing and staring at Rockfur with mischievous eyes._

 _Rockfur sighed and stood, padding towards the she-cat with boredom written plainly on his face. When he was almost a mouse-length away from her, she darted around him and back to where he'd been sitting in the first place. Rockfur simply turned to the fresh-kill pile and plucked a mouse out of it. As he was reaching to take a bite out of it, it was swiped away from him as well._

 _The grey speckled she-cat waved her tail at him brightly, mouse dangling from her jaws. "Jeez, Rockfur," she mewed, "at least finish your bird first."_

 _Rockfur watched her deposit the mouse back onto the fresh-kill pile, then hissed as she waltzed back to his bird and took another bite out of it._

" _Fight me for it, pretty boy," she taunted, haunches waggling._

" _Foxsong..." Rockfur, to his credit, sounded whiny as opposed to murderous. "I want to go to sleep."_

 _Foxsong sat up, ears perking. "Oh, is that all the fight you have in you?"_

 _Rockfur curled his lip, but his expression fell flat a moment later._

 _She threw the bird at him, then ran to the warriors den, where she sat and watched him finish eating._

" _That's Foxsong," Roseleaf explained, shoulders set. "She's sort of... rambunctious."_

 _Roseleaf offered no further information, but Hollypetal could see it her sudden tenseness and the way Foxsong leaned forward expectantly, eyes burning embers in the darkness. She was bigger and had a warriors name and showed no signs of nervousness, but the way they presented themselves was somehow the same—Foxsong was Raccoonpaw's sister._

 _Hollypetal said nothing as Rockfur joined the she-cat and they entered the warriors den together._

* * *

As the sun started to lift into the sky, Hollypetal and Jessy decided to take shifts. In the morning, Jessy would hunt while Hollypetal stayed behind with Ammy and Quigsly. Whenever they got hungry again, it would be Hollypetal's turn to hunt. They would swap out as needed.

Hollypetal had privately requested Jessy go by where they had left the tom.

There was no blood left on the grass outside, just as Ammy had claimed. The ground had been torn up, leaving all blood hidden in dirt. Quigsly did nothing more than give the air a big sniff before deciding that the loner was definitely gone and that was that.

Ammy simply sent Hollypetal a look of warning to not bring up the incident in front of Quigsly. Whatever had happened the night before, it was not for Hollypetal to talk about, so she wouldn't. Ammy seemed tenser, but wasn't being hostile, so Hollypetal decided to stay on her good side.

It was not until the sun was setting once more that something of note happened.

Jessy motioned Hollypetal a few fox-lengths away from Quigsly and Ammy with a flick of her tail.

Hollypetal joined her obediently.

Jessy curled her tail over her paws. "It's just about what we were talking about yesterday," she meowed. "About you leaving."

"Oh," Hollypetal said simply.

Jessy shuffled her feet. "Well, you _do_ plan to go back, right?"

Hollypetal blinked a few times thoughtfully. "I didn't really think about it," she admitted. "I've just been thinking of Quigsly and Roseleaf."

"You need to think about it," Jessy pressed. "It's been a long time now. You can't keep avoiding it."

She had no reply, so she said nothing.

"You can't not think about it because you're scared," Jessy continued. "I know that facing them again will be hard, but... they're your clan."

Hollypetal was aware of all of this. Of course she was scared. What kind of mousebrain wouldn't be? She'd attacked her brother, had at least sprained his paw, and hadn't been back in days. In the amount of days she'd been gone, the clan could've finished mourning her death. By now, Sparrowflight's paw would have healed. Rosekit's eyes would be open and shining and curious. Her mother had probably had her own kits. Rainstrike wouldn't even miss her anymore, if he ever had at all. In the end, no cat had come after her to bring her back. Whether or not because Sparrowflight or Rainstrike had said not to meant nothing in the wake of this constant idea—she could disappear from the clans forever, and nothing would change. She would just be another warrior, lost to time and space and everything in between. Without her, her clan-mates would simply fill the hole she had left with another cat, with another patrol, with an extra mouse when hunting. She would have never existed at all.

"Hollypetal," Jessy started again, "do you trust your clan-mates?"

"Of course," Hollypetal said with no hesitation and a lot of confusion. She didn't know all of her clan-mates well, but she knew them all enough to trust them. Jessy had been there to see how the clan functioned, so she had no reason to be asking.

"Then they probably feel the same about you, right?" she prompted. "Do you miss any of them?"

Yes. She missed Rainstrike in a way that felt too physical, like he'd been attached to her and was now gone. It felt like she was missing an extra tail that she didn't even know she had. She missed Froststep rambling about nothing in particular. She missed Dawnstreak's quiet companionship, and Cherryfall's sharp words, and Jayfeather's sighs of exasperation. The way Ivypool quietly rooted for her, the kindness in Blossomfall's eyes, the way Briarlight was always eager to help. Lilytail and Seedheart gossiping beside the fresh-kill pile, Mousewhisker's terrible jokes, Whitewing's carefully thought out words. She missed the sand beneath her paws and sound of crashing waves as she and Rockfur stood together at the lake, content to simply exist beside each other.

"If you don't go back, don't you think you'll always feel that way?" Jessy asked, watching as Ammy herded Quigsly into the fox den. "And if you feel this way, then at least one of them will too."

She knew all at once that Rainstrike would be the one feeling the same way as she did. They were too wrapped up in each other to not feel the sudden loss of each other. She did not want Rainstrike to feel anything like this, anything like pain, not if she could prevent it. She'd decided that a long time ago.

"Yeah," she agreed, heart suddenly heavy. "I know. I'll go back." She pushed herself up straight as her paws started sliding her to her belly. She watched Ammy block Quigsly's path of escape, and wished she could split herself in two so she would never have to leave them. If she left, then she would never end up watching Quigsly grow up. She'd miss his first catch, his first time climbing a tree. She wondered where he would go when he grew up—would he stay with his mother or find someone else to start a family with? Leaving meant she'd never know.

Jessy stood and stretched. "Sorry. I don't actually want you to leave, you know." She blinked sadly before turning away. "I'm going to help Ammy get Quigsly put away. You don't have to sleep in the den if you don't want to."

Hollypetal watched the moonrise before joining them in the den. Tomorrow, she would ask Ammy if she could teach Quigsly how to hunt.

 _Roseleaf was still in front of the river, but Hollypetal couldn't blame her. The forest around them was empty, and in the river was her brother. Hollypetal would be there watching all the time if she had the choice as well._

 _Roseleaf's ears swerved in her direction and she sat up. "Hollypetal!" she greeted. Her eyes were as clear as Hollypetal had ever seen them._

 _She approached Roseleaf slowly. "How's Rockfur doing?"_

 _Roseleaf's tail swished behind her excitedly. "He's doing really well! When he woke up, he ate a mouse—I think the same one from last night, but that's not important—and he went on a border patrol at sunhigh, to ThunderClan." She twisted back to the river so quickly Hollypetal thought she would topple in. "There was a ThunderClan patrol there as well. It seemed like they'd been waiting, so I guess they've been meeting there? Anyway, Brackenfur was at the lead of the ThunderClan patrol, and he asked if they'd seen you, but, well, they obviously haven't, so Rockfur said so."_

 _Hollypetal crouched beside her and looked into the water until her eyes focused on Rockfur. He was sitting by the stump in ShadowClan's camp tonight, sharing a squirrel with Foxsong and Redwillow as they discussed what cats they thought would be good mentors for an upcoming set of apprentices. Rockfur and Redwillow were murmuring about Pinenose while Foxsong sunk her teeth into the squirrel, eyes darting between the two toms eagerly. Her tail kept thumping against Rockfur's side, but if he noticed it, he didn't say anything._

 _Roseleaf went happily quiet as she listened to her brother's voice mingling with her clan-mates. It was only as Rockfur got up and started towards the warriors den with Foxsong a few steps ahead of him and Redwillow a few steps behind, that Roseleaf looked back to Hollypetal. She looked between the river and Hollypetal a few more times before finally opening her mouth._

" _Do you think it's wrong to be happy?"_

 _Hollypetal remembered asking herself the same question when Toadstep had died, remembered doubting her happiness and the happiness of others as only a few fox-lengths away, a family mourned the loss of a young tom._

" _No," she finally answered. "I don't think an emotion can be wrong. I don't think it's wrong to find even the smallest bit of happiness if it means, even for a moment, that you don't feel bad." She paused. "I don't want to always be unhappy, even if hope really scares me. There's no point in anything if I don't feel anything positive about it."_

 _Roseleaf nodded thoughtfully, resting her head on her paws. In the few moments she closed her eyes, the Dark Forest flashed around them again, trying to form. When Roseleaf's eyes reopened, they were still In-Between._

" _I don't think you should let yourself be scared anymore," Hollypetal continued. "You don't have anything left to lose."_

 _Roseleaf's face scrunched up unsurely. "That's not true," she mewed. "I don't know if Raccoonpaw will want to be with me in StarClan, or that Rockfur will end up there—what if he goes to the Dark Forest, and I'm not there?" She sounded miserable, but not panicked, so Hollypetal didn't interrupt her. "I don't know if my parents want me either."_

" _None of those things would ever happen," Hollypetal meowed quickly. "There's no way. Because Raccoonpaw showed up at the Gathering with Petalpaw to make me go see them in StarClan, and Hollyleaf was sick with grief over you not being there, and Petalpaw defied StarClan just to try and save you. So there's no way that they wouldn't want you there."_

 _Roseleaf still looked sad, but it was no longer the dangerous kind of sad. She stared longingly at Rockfur instead of replying._

" _Your family is in StarClan, and so is your mentor, and one day Rockfur will be too," she continued in Roseleaf's absence of words. "I will be as well. Any time you need me—or don't need me—I'll always be here for you. Even if I can't use the Moonpool, if you want me, I will find you. And you can find me too."_

 _Roseleaf watched Rockfur awaken for the dawn patrol, eyes glazed over. "Good morning, Hollypetal," she said. "I'll see you later."_

* * *

 **Imagine, if you will, me flailing irritably because I'm still stuck on Roseleaf's healing process being so short. Just. Ahg. It would be so boring to write out chapters and chapters of Hollypetal coaxing Roseleaf through everything. Like, even this much feels like too much, just because it stalls the story, but... that's realistic. Ehg.**

 **Oh man, that scene with Ammy though. It was unfortunately timed, since it's eye horror and I wrote it the day my dad had eye surgery. Should've thought about that more. Ah well. I dropped some rather subtle hints at Ammy's history in there as well.  
This chapter is sorta weird cause a lot happens, but also nothing happens. Once again this is unedited I'm trying to make up for lost time. If you notice any errors, please point them out.**

 **Foxsong – grey she-cat with orange flecks. Eyes somewhere between yellow and amber and orange. Kind of annoying, but she means well.**

 **The Renewed Trilogy: Book Three: Mad World  
Chapter Thirteen: Shattered  
Word count (excluding A/N): idk  
Character count (excluding A/N): idk  
Song: Trading Yesterday - Shattered  
Started: April 27** **th** **, 2016. 3:20AM.  
Finished: May 9** **th** **, 2016. 3:05AM. Edited: nope**


	16. Chapter Fifteen: You're Not Alone

Quigsly was a cat that was hard to detach. It was hard to ask Ammy to take him hunting, because he was _right there._ And if Ammy said no, he would be there to throw a fit. Hollypetal would've given anything to be able to ask Ammy privately, but Jessy had already left to find a meal. There was nothing left to distract him with – if she went to talk with Ammy, he would be there. He couldn't seem to stand being alone. The older he got, the more Hollypetal worried about this trait. She hoped that even after she left, he would continue to always have someone beside him. He'd be driven mad with no one else. Maybe they were alike in that regard.

For now, Quigsly was already being groomed by Ammy. He'd have to be there when she asked. So she approached.

"Good morning," she greeted. She'd been with them already. She'd already said this. She plowed on. "I was wondering if I could take Quigsly hunting this morning."

Surprise flitted across Ammy's face.

Quigsly started hopping excitedly and nearly headbutted his mother. _This_ was what she had wanted to avoid. He was pleading unintelligibly.

Ammy leaned away from him and sat up straight, expression becoming thoughtful. "He's getting old enough to learn, isn't he?" she asked ruefully. She looked him up and down wistfully. "Quigsly, you can only go if you promise to stay with Hollypetal. You understand?"

He squealed delightedly and took off to the edge of the clearing, where he bounced anxiously. "C'mon, let's go, let's go!"

Hollypetal exchanged another look with Ammy, who sighed affectionately.

"You should rest while you can," Hollypetal advised before joining Quigsly. She pushed the brush out of the way and let Quigsly through. He was big enough that she no longer feared squishing him, but small enough that he probably couldn't knock all the overgrown plants out of their way.

With the undergrowth out of the way, Quigsly bounded forward, his haunches waggling from side to side. He still wasn't six moons old yet, but Hollypetal had seen the kits in ThunderClan practice before. Besides, Quigsly didn't belong to a clan. He needed to learn how to take care of himself, in case anything ever happened to Ammy.

When they were far enough away from the den to not be of bother, Hollypetal flicked her tail against Quigsly's side and waited a few moments for him to settle. "You need to know how to catch prey before you can do it," she told him when he stopped protesting about her slowing them down. "If you just run up to a mouse the way you're being, it'll be gone before you can even blink."

Quigsly scowled at her, but Hollypetal had brought back enough mice for him to know that she wasn't fooling around.

She directed Quigsly into the first few basic crouches she had learned, adjusting him with her paws when he put his weight in the wrong places.

"Quigsly, your tail is hitting every bush in the vicinity. You have to keep it still even if you're excited, otherwise it'll scare away what you're stalking."

"Well, I'm not hunting _anything_ right now!" he protested.

He was big enough that she could sit on him without suffocating him. Maybe she would do that. "Wiggling your hindquarters won't bring any prey back to your hungry mother, will it?" she challenged instead.

Quigsly ducked his head but simply muttered, "I'm _Quiggling_."

She took in a deep breath. "Quigsly, you remember what your food smells like, right?"

His ears perked and twitched and he nodded excitedly.

"Then go find some."

His mouth gaped in surprise before his face creased in confusion. "But you haven't finished teaching me what to do."

She had to physically swallow back her frustration. She hoped ThunderClan apprentices would be old and eager enough to properly listen.

* * *

Hollypetal let Quigsly rush ahead into the brush that surrounded their camp. He bounced off of them, then shoved his way forcefully through, squirming all the while. He had missed many, _many_ mice while they were hunting, but perhaps the only one he'd caught was enough.

Quigsly was often excited, but Hollypetal wasn't sure she'd ever seen quite the level of brightness in his expression as when he'd sat up with his first catch in his jaws. When he was certain it was dead, he dropped it at his paws and whispered eagerly, "I can give this to my mom?"

When Hollypetal had nodded, he'd been gone in a flash of grey. She had caught two mice herself while demonstrating what to do, so she'd plucked them up and followed after him without complaint.

By the time she'd pushed her own way through the fronds, Ammy was already nuzzling Quigsly affectionately. She looked just as delighted to receive the mouse as Quigsly had been to give it. They were both purring loudly.

Hollypetal let her eyes sweep over their territory before joining them and dropping her mice next to Quigsly. Jessy was nowhere in sight, so Hollypetal would share a meal with the small family while she awaited her return.

Quigsly hardly noticed when she settled next to him, too busy recounting every detail about his outing. Ammy nudged Quigsly towards Hollypetal's mice. "You have to eat as well, Quigsly," she reprimanded gently. "I'm sure you worked up an appetite on your first hunt."

Quigsly's face quickly turned serious as he nodded in agreement. "Hunting is hard work." He chewed the mouse Hollypetal had pushed towards him with a thoughtful expression. "They sure are fast."

Ammy smiled gently, running her tail along Quigsly's side. "Thank you," she mewed, "for taking him, Hollypetal."

Hollypetal perked her ears. "It was my pleasure. I'm glad he was able to catch something while we were out."

They fell into silence as they ate, and Hollypetal debated her next words. Roseleaf was getting better. Soon, Hollypetal felt she'd be able to get them to StarClan. After Hollypetal was sure Roseleaf would be fine, once she was with her family, Hollypetal would have to turn back to ThunderClan. It was not something she could put off longer than her journey with Roseleaf. The longer she spent away, the more ThunderClan would get used to filling the gap she had left. She didn't want that gap to be filled. She did not want her clanmates to forget her. Her paw pads were starting to itch with the fear of her not being welcomed back. And why should they welcome her back? She'd attacked one of them and disappeared for, what, over a moon now? She'd hesitated at the idea of heading back before, she was denying StarClan's wishes, she was living the life of a rogue.

Certainly she could excuse her disappearance on the reason she'd gone to the Moonpool. But she wouldn't be able to explain to them what had happened on her journey out here, about anything involving Roseleaf. She wasn't even sure she should tell Rockfur of the exact events that had transpired since her Moonpool visit. These nights spent with Roseleaf, whispering every secret they held to each other, letting shadows flutter through their fur like nothing more than wind, simply taking comfort in being with each other... Hollypetal would not be able to share these memories without Roseleaf beside her. Maybe, one day, together in StarClan, they would be able to talk about this time fondly. For now, it was something only they shared with each other, this unbreakable bond made with every word and emotion and night that passed between them.

This outing would have to be simplified down to her doing what she was told to do at the Moonpool, to her caring for Quigsly and Ammy with Jessy at her side. What could she even say to Rockfur that wouldn't break his heart for his sister even more? She had so many words to choose and the time for choosing them was closing in on her.

"Ammy, Quigsly," she started, a little too loudly.

They both looked to her, eyes wide and curious.

She cleared her throat before continuing. Her heart already ached at the thought of not being able to live with these cats forever. She could only hope she would somehow meet them again one day. "I think I'll be going back to ThunderClan soon."

Ammy's face clouded with sad understanding, but Quigsly leapt to his paws with a defiant shout. "You can't leave!" he blurted out. "When I grow up, we're going to be mates! We haven't finished playing yet! You haven't finished _training_ me yet! We have _plans_!"

He was so indignant she wanted to laugh at him, or cry along with him. She forced herself to do neither, then continued quietly, "It won't be today. I'll keep playing and training with you until I do leave, Quigsly."

Ammy chimed in quickly, "Jessy knows where ThunderClan lives, Quigsly, so maybe one day we can go visit her again."

Quigsly scowled at the both of them, putting his nose into the air haughtily. "That isn't the _same_! I've made plans for my entire life, and they involve Hollypetal being here."

Ammy sighed with mild affection. "Don't be rude, Quigsly."

"Yeah," Jessy added, striding in from the brush. "Hollypetal could leave right now if she wanted to, you know."

Quigsly gaped at the lot of them before silently tucking into his meal.

* * *

 _Roseleaf's face was set in the same quiet determination that Hollypetal had come to expect from her when Roseleaf wasn't in the mood for smalltalk. She felt a small bubble of anxiety arise in her chest before she realized that they were still in the In-Between. No mold or decay in sight. Her breath caught painfully._ Roseleaf _..._

 _Roseleaf stood and shook out each of her legs. "Okay, Hollypetal," she meowed. "Let's get out of here, yeah?"_

 _Her throat closed with emotion. There were too many for her to know which one was choking her, but she managed to squeeze out an agreement of, "Yeah."_

 _Roseleaf's face softened with amusement and affection. "Take your time," she teased. "It's my turn to follow you."_

 _The words didn't help the suffocating emotion_ at all, _but Hollypetal appreciated them through her heavy heart. And somewhere in her, she could suddenly feel it. A pull, like a vine wrapped around her paws and leading her away. Beyond this barren river, StarClan's hunting grounds were awaiting them. Or, at the very least, Roseleaf. This was it. This would finally be it._

" _Yeah," she repeated, more confidently this time. "Let's go."_

 _She took a large breath and let it out slowly, watching the river as its water slowed to stagnancy._

 _Roseleaf watched it for a few moments, before looking back to Hollypetal with curious eyes. "Could you always do that?" she asked._

" _No," she mewed shakily. "It wasn't me."_

 _Adrenaline was starting to course through her. She struggled to control her breathing. This was it. This was it._

" _Follow me," she said to Roseleaf. She couldn't wait for the reply. Her legs had already sent her flying over the still water. She landed on the other side with surprising ease and grace, and turned back to motion Roseleaf after her._

" _Really funny," Roseleaf said weakly. "Making the drowned cat go river hopping."_

" _It isn't a river," Hollypetal replied, and it wasn't. The water sloshed and bubbled and sank into the ground like it had never been there. Flowers sprouted and bloomed, taking over the damp ground in seconds. Pink and blue and purple sweet peas stretched eagerly towards the empty sky._

 _Roseleaf stared through the flowers at her, and Hollypetal flicked her tail in the same motion Petalpaw had so long ago._ Come with me.

 _Roseleaf stepped forward without a word, and the flowers parted before her, clearing a path for her to get through with ease. There was no sign the flowerbed had ever been a river. "Hollypetal," Roseleaf mewed hesitantly when they were beside each other again. "What is this?"_

 _Her heart pounded furiously. "We're going to StarClan."_

 _Roseleaf's tail flicked about nervously._

" _Trust me," Hollypetal whispered, twining their tails together._

 _Roseleaf met her eyes with wonderment. "I do," she whispered back._

 _She pressed her pelt against hers. "Then let's keep going." She pulled Roseleaf forward, away from the flowerbed. Not that it mattered – they were blooming everywhere now, taking over the empty fields more and more the further they got from the place that had once hosted the In-Between. Above them, the sky was changing from clear blue to the purple of dusk. It felt like they were walking through time itself, watching the blue disappear behind them and stars approaching ahead. They, like flowers, were appearing now, everywhere, as if they'd been here the whole time. Maybe they had been._

 _Roseleaf was changing too, her once ragged pelt smoothing itself out, her stomach filling back out like she'd eaten a feast. Her eyes shone with the awe they'd had when they were apprentices together._

 _If they hadn't been walking through the stars, maybe Hollypetal would've thought she was alive again. This would be it._

 _Neither her or Roseleaf said anything when what had appeared distantly like a large rock formed into Petalpaw. She bowed her head low. "Hollypetal," she greeted warmly. "Roseleaf. Nice to meet you. I'm Petalpaw." She joined Hollypetal's other side like she'd been a part of them all along. She had been, really. "I'll take you to Hollyleaf."_

 _Hollypetal and Roseleaf shuddered against each other. Hollyleaf. At last, they would all be reunited. Hollypetal could almost feel the white wind ripping Hollyleaf away from her. Her heart yearned to hear Hollyleaf's voice just once more. There were so many words she still wanted to say to her, so many emotions she'd never properly conveyed._

 _She was starting to recognize where she was. They were heading to the spot Petalpaw had shown her before – the pools of water that showed life back with the living._

 _Roseleaf saw them first. Hollyleaf and Scorchfur, talking over one of the pools animatedly. She let out a strangled cry and was running before Hollypetal could even say wait, or goodbye, or I love you._

 _Scorchfur was next. When he saw Roseleaf barreling towards them, he jumped on his paws and let out a howl that echoed into the sky and back._

 _When Hollyleaf turned, bewilderment spelled out across her face, Roseleaf was already crashing into her, sending her stumbling over and into Scorchfur._

 _Hollypetal could hear Roseleaf bubbling out their names over and over and over as her and Petalpaw drew to a halt further back from the reunion._

 _Even from their position, she could hear Hollyleaf's familiar voice sobbing out Roseleaf's name like a prayer, mixed with "I love you"s and finally a hiccuped "Where have you been?! I was so worried!"_

 _Before Roseleaf could say anything, Raccoonpaw charged into the family with a yelp of pure, raw emotion._

 _As Roseleaf rounded on him, Hollyleaf looked over her daughters head. Her eyes landed on Hollypetal and her breath caught. It felt like_ finally, finally, finally.

 _And it was enough._

 _The happiness and relief and absolute love in her eyes was enough._

 _Hollypetal didn't need to talk to Hollyleaf face-to-face, didn't need to say all of those unsaid words. Hollyleaf was a part of her. Had been half of her soul for so long. They'd communicated plainly in thoughts for so long—why would they need words now? They knew each other, could read each other better than anyone, mate or brother or sister or mind-reader. They knew._

 _And watching Hollyleaf's eyes turn back to Roseleaf was fine now. One day they would come face-to-face again. It would be wonderful. It would be so, so wonderful._

 _But Hollyleaf was fine here. She was happy now, and she could be forever, with Roseleaf. And that was all that Hollypetal needed to know. It was enough._

 _And Hollypetal would be fine, too, in the waking world. With her clan-mates and her living family. This happiness, spreading and growing from Hollyleaf to Hollypetal, it would last._

 _She felt all of her goodbyes and I love yous leave her in one mollified sigh._

 _Petalpaw wrapped her tail around her. "Hollypetal."_

 _She tore her gaze away from Roseleaf and Hollyleaf to meet Petalpaw's eyes._

" _Don't do this to me, okay?" Petalpaw murmured, sending a mournful glance back at Roseleaf._

 _Hollypetal leaned to touch noses with her sister._

 _Everything was fine._

* * *

 **I wonder how many times I can excuse myself in this trilogy just because I'm terrible mentally. Summary: My moms health went from "Generally Bad" to "Cancer" right quick. Been so long that her chemo is over, as well as probably all of her surgeries probably. Details will be put on my profile. Also, I'm going to stop trying to follow what canonically happens cause I just don't care.**

 **Fun fact: Sweet peas are used to indicate someone leaving after a positive experience. Yes, I did scrounge around for flower meanings. Wouldn't be the first time, won't be the last.**

 **We are very very very close to the end of this. 19 Chapters is what is currently planned.**

 **Blue Song: No mistake. Molenose and Froststep were highly considered at the start of this book/end of book two. Will no longer be happening cause Froststep could do better.**

 **The Renewed Trilogy: Book Three: Mad World  
Chapter Fifteen: You're Not Alone  
Song: Saosin – You're Not Alone**


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